Happy New Year

Here it is, 10:10 pm on New Year's Eve and I find myself ready for bed...

Have I gotten so old that I can't even see the new year in? Have I gotten so lame that my idea of a good time is my pillow, my blanket and a nice cold cloth over my head?

In a manner of speaking, probably.

Last year our New Year's Eve was spent at friends' house; we ate too much, watched the clock until it reached midnight, wished our friends a happy new year and were pretty much home and in bed by 12:08.

In my prime (my heathen prime that is), I was just getting started at 12:08. The party was just getting good and I could keep the dancing up for a few more hours. Ah, to be young and foolish...nah, I think I am happy older and wiser.

Today was spent at church, went to Bill's work for a few minutes(cha ching) and ran off to BPs for a spinach dip that a friend said would make me feel immediately better(yes folks, 3 months later and I am STILL sick). It was decided at BPs that we would stop by the Walk-in Clinic to see which doctor was working as there is one there that I really wouldn't want to see if my life were held in the balance let alone if I were attempting to recover from brochitis and that "special" doctor was there. Off we went back home for a long awaited nap and plans to come back after shift change.
Once I finally awoke we dropped off the movie we watched last night (World Trade Center) and headed off to the clinic for what I hoped was good news and a magical cure.

The doctor, a sweet, young lady, who looked at me sympathetically when I told her of my struggle to kick this and of my lack of sleep and lack of emotional balance due to sleeplessness, gave me 3 different prescriptions (a pharmacuetically concocted cough medicine, a flovent inhaler and nasonex) bore me this tidbit of bad news...my prescription for nasonex is for 3 months and it could very well take me that long to recover from my illness. I now have an irritated and inflamed airway due to the length of my bronchial mess. So, I could very well be sick for half a year because of bronchitis and a certain nameless doctor who I will go to extreme measures to avoid having to see for anything more deadly than splinter removal (who told me I have not been sick for three months and that all I had was nothing more than post-nasal drip).

The point of this long rambling, complaining post is not to ramble nor to complain but to tell you all that we love you. We have loved sharing this year with you in whatever way we have been able to. We can't wait to share 2007 with you! For those of you who are far away...remember: we think of you often, miss you like crazy and love you to pieces!

Happy New Year!!!!!


and...

Goodnight. I'll see you in the new year.

Merry Christmas

Our French Eggs (french toast) are eaten, our stockings and presents ever so elegently opened up and we are in the process of cleaning up the wrap. Everyone had a good morning. Last night was one of the best Christmas Eves I've had in a long time. We went to the CandleLight Service at Church and then Dad and Jude came over and we had pizza, taco dip, cheese ball and all sorts of goodies and sat in front of a roaring fire (courtesy of our yuletide fireplace DVD) and just spent time together. I loved it!

May you have a wonderful Christmas with your family's. To our family, who aren't with us today...we love you and miss you and emotionally you are right here with us. Big hugs to Billy and Natalie, Mike and Joyce, Daniel and Kristina, Shawn and Renee, Tanya, Crystal and Jay and all the kids, if you can grab them from the whirling and twirling of their sugar highs.

WE LOVE YOU ALL AND MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!!

Traditions...

With the arrival of December comes a flurry of traditions in our house...tonnes of things for us to look forward to. A lot of them seem to revolve around food though. We have the traditional decorating of the gingerbread house. Dad's homemade pizza on Christmas Eve along with my Taco Dip while we watch movies. Lately the movie has been "Touched by an Angel's Christmas show" but, I think next year it will be "The Nativity", once it is on DVD. Christmas Eve also finds us opening one small gift and Big B and I getting to open our stockings from each other and stuffing the kids' stockings until the wee hours of the morning and playing board games with the older kids.

My most special tradition, just for me, is getting a box of Lowry's chocolate covered cherries, sitting somewhere quietly by myself and enjoying a sweet chocolate while I think of my dear GrandpaK. He always had these chocolates and it is a special moment I treasure in order to remember a special man in my life.

I want to make sure that we have special traditions in our household that will make our kids look back on them and smile or want to share them with their kids.

Growing up on the farm, we would go out as a family to find our Christmas tree and every year we were followed by the dog, the cats and the horses throughout the pasture while we searched for the perfect tree. We also went on horse drawn sleigh rides in my uncle's pasture and found new and inventive ways to push each other off the sleigh. In order to warm up we would have a weiner roast in the bushes; after Uncle married his wife, he move our warm up sessions to their house and had warm, toasty pizza buns.

I look back on those times with so much fondness and it makes me realize how special it was to grow up with the family I had. Traditions are more than just doing the same things every year; they are about building memories and a happy place for our children to look back on when they are older.

This post idea courtesy of Mama Says Ohm.

Out the Window...

Ever since I can remember I have had someone look out their window to wave goodbye to me even after we have bid farewell inside the house. By 'someone' I mean my dad. It is such a comforting vision to look at that window and know that he is there watching out for me as I get into my van and drive off. I can think back even farther to when I was a child and living 20 steps from my grandma's house and she did the same thing. She would watch us walk from her house to ours, waving as we walked.

The other day I was at my dad's and my uncle was there (actually my dad's best friend) and after saying our goodbyes and giving our hugs and Merry Christmas wishes I went to buckle Bug into the van. Much to my pleasant surprise, as I looked up from the van to wave to Dad again, I saw him and my uncle standing in the window making sure I left safely and offering one last farewell.

I want that feeling for my kids. I feel so loved and so protected and so special and I really want that for my children.

That means, I need to figure out how to rearrange my living room furniture so I can make it to the living room window to watch out for them and to leave them with one more goodbye as they leave.

Picture Update for LilB and Nat (and all my viewers)

It has been a while since I put some pictures up here and LilB pointed that out to me in a nice and subtle way the last time I spoke to him on the phone so, here is a flurry of photos for you.




Jellybean's missing teeth...

















Bug as Nuperman, aka Superman, as he begins his transformation from Clark Kent.



















This year's gingerbread house. We didn't even break anything this year. How about that skating rink?
















First time skating, ever...


















Falling... and, now, completely hooked on the idea of playing hockey. Don't want to tellhim he still has 2 years before he can start playing.

Not in these jeans...genes

Rush came home from school yesterday absolutely overjoyed. It turns out that she is one of 3 kids in her class who just started doing grade 9 algebra instead of grade 8 math. I don't know where she got that from but I know it certainly wasn't from me. I am thinking her Uncle S is the reason for this phenomenon because he is the only family member I know who is good at math.



On a great financial note...I just made the final payment on one of our credit cards. It is COMPLETELY paid off!!!! (happy dance...happy dance!) It has a zero balance! ZERO!!! I am so happy! I can now begin to focus on another debt until we, maybe, get them all paid off and have zero debt (until we can buy a house...) Slowly but surely I am plugging away at them chipping away slowly at the financial iceberg we have created for ourselves. It won't sink this ship though...not if I can help it!

Tis the Season

Christmas stresses...boy, how ridiculous it seems to get so stressed out this time of year considering what Christmas is and what it means. How far have we taken it that we stress over some pretty trivial matters, like baking, gift buying...heck, even buying groceries this time of year requires a lot of calm, serene mantras in order to not throttle some at times.

What happened to good will towards men?

Today, I saw a car wreck all because someone decided that they didn't have the time to wait for a car who had the right of way before they turned the corner.

I'm feeling bummed out right now. My oldest and dearest friend is moving away and even though we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together the last little while, we just always knew that we were there for each other and only an hour away. She will now be in a different province and even though I know we will always be there for each other...it just seems different.
I miss her all ready.

Sweet, Sweet Words I Live For

What greater words for a mom to hear than to have her son run into her room calling out for her just to tell her he loves her.

How powerful those 3 little words, 8 little letters are...

I Love You...


sigh....

Another Child Proposed to

Oh yes, that's right; that's what I said. I don't think I can handle this one at all. The thing is, this child said yes to said proposer.

Yesterday, at school, Jellybean was approached by her dear (and awfully cute) friend, Hunter. Hunter proceded to ask her if she would marry him when they grew up and as I said, she said 'yes'.

I think we have a while to wait for this one though.

In other Jellybean news, today she got the Character Award for her class for this month and the theme this month was Respect. She is so proud of this award, as are we.

She went to bed tonight looking very forward to tomorrow as she is going to the library for a Gingerbread Cookie Decorating Class for grades 1 through 3. Great fun.

Back to the way things were...

Things at the hospital have been very slow...so slow in fact that I will have worked 1 shift a week for the last three weeks. Not great for the budget if you ask me. So, I have been thinking and thinking and praying and praying and decided that it is time to get another part time job outside of the hospital but where...?

I thought about going back to Superstore and ruled that out very quickly. The other day BigB and I were having lunch at B.P.'s and we talked to Bonnie. She jumped at the idea of me going back there and was pretty sure it would be no problem since they don't have great staff there right now.

Today, after much thought and deliberation from BigB & I, I called and talked to Larry and I am going back to B.P.'s part-time. I will be working there a couple/three shifts a week Mon-Thurs from about 5-11. I will still be able to work all the shifts at the hospital other than the 4 hour evening shift in health records and will have most weekends off unless switchboard needs me for some shifts.

So, next week's schedule is all ready up but it looks like the week after that I will be, again, employed at B.P.'s. A few perks to look at...discount on food and I will get tips again...

Whines, Cries and other sounds that drive parents to drink

Ok, so lately Mr. Bug has decided to begin whining, not in the barely audible but extremely annoying way but, in the "You gave me heck!" followed by the most dramatic soap opera worthy cry I've seen in a long time. There is also the shoulder droop followed by the heart-wrenching run and cry to the bedroom which ends in the devestating throwing of ones own body onto ones own bed.

Today I had to have my eyes dilated at the opthamologists and my pupils were about 10 times bigger than my iris' were to begin with. There was a lot of light being forced into my face and I had...have a headache!!! Top this with the "Fabio" of daytime television and you have one cranky mama.

The great part of this equation is I get to go again on Thursday!!! I will deal with this whole headache thing again and then we have a sleep-over party for Jellybean and 5 of her closest girlfriends...why oh why do we willingly torture ourselves like this? I can all ready hear the ear splitting squeals and shrieks...I wanted to take them bowling...BigB decided to ask her if she wanted a sleepover!


P.S. As I was reading this to BigB, I said "Insert name here" instead of using Bug's name and he knew who I was talking about!!!!!!!! He knew!!!! Darn kid! He is, however, totally cute (and playing with his bellybutton as he drinks his milk beside me)!

Bedtime Stories, Bedtime Snacks and Weird Bedtime Rituals

When Jellybean and Bug were nursing they both twirled their foot around and around and got a grip on my lip that would intimidate Hulk Hogan. Jellybean out grew any weird bedtime ritual obsessions but Bug, on the other hand, has developed a particularily weird comfort ritual...He plays with his bellybutton while drinking his cup of milk at bed. I mean, he prepares for this. He will lift up his shirt, raise his hand in anticipation for that cup and commence playing with his bellybutton.

Is it just my kid or does any other child have weird little rituals or habits you would like to share?

Camping Crackers

Last night Jellybean and Bug decided they needed a snack before they went to bed. I asked them what they would like for this snack and Jellybean responded with "Camping crackers, Mom; camping crackers!"

Camping crackers? It took me a second to figure out that camping crackers referred to Graham Crackers.

So, I sent them off to bed with a couple of camping crackers and thoughts of next summer when we can add the chocolate and marshmallows.

Yummy...

Taking a trip...down memory lane

Rush had to interview someone for school about a childhood memory that impacted their lives. Apparently her dad decided to tell her that she should ask me since I apparently have lots of memories that have impacted my life.

I wasn't really sure which memory to tell her I mean there are lots of memories that flood to mind when I think about it. I thought of telling her about the day I found out I was pregnant with her, about the time my brother almost drowned behind the barn, of being rescued numerous times by my grandpa when I got stuck in the muck in the barnyard, of tipping and tailing beans with my granny on her front porch, of being tricked to go to the barn by my parents so they could show me my new horse but, I think the memory that impacted me most, from my childhood, was the day our trailer burnt down so, I sat her down and began to tell my story.

It was February 1988 on a Saturday morning. My brother had woken up and was watching Saturday morning cartoons and everyone else was sleeping or in the process of just waking up. Apparently Shawn got thirsty and went to the kitchen to get a drink when he saw the flames shooting out of the electric outlet in our dining room at the head of the cot where my Grandpa E had slept just days earlier.

He yelled fire but I think it was my mom who ended up waking up my sister and I with her yells. We jumped up. I grabbed the quilt from off my bed and wrapped it around me and we ran up to my grandma's house in our bare feet. We didn't even feel the cold from the snow until we were safe and in Grandma's watching as our life's memories burnt before our eyes.

That's what I miss...the pictures/memories that were destroyed that day. Everything else is just STUFF; it comes and goes.

Our community really pulled together for us. The searched their stuff for things we would need and held a benefit dance for us at the local Elks Hall. What meant the most to me though was my good friend, Kerrie, who I had an on again off again relationship with (but who was also my best friend) gave me her most prized possession the next school day, a cross necklace.

My husband kind of laughs at me (in an innocent way) but I think this is why I take so many pictures of my family and friends...I am terrified of losing them all again. Possessions mean nothing in the grand scheme of things and we all (me included) give them too much power in our lives. What matters is the relationships, your family, your friends...

As we approach the Christmas season let's all try to remember that objects are temporary it is the legacy we leave, the love we give and the lives we lead that really mean anything in this world.

A Smidge of an Update

Training in ICU is going great! I really fit in there and am enjoying learning more about the health care system. It is, at times, as somber place to work but I think I will enjoy the experiences that this position offers to me.

Parents night was last night for Ballet class for Jellybean and it was absolutley adorable. Rush started piano lessons yesterday, as well, for this year. She started off with a review and hadn't forgotten nearly as much as I thought she would. She must have a good teacher (huh? huh? huh?).

I had hurt my back last Monday and have been on Work Restriction since (no bending or lifting) and my back it slowly starting to get better. My chiropractor is my best friend right now.

BigB is extremely busy as they are implementing a new system at work and it hasn't gone as smoothly as some would have hoped and still others believe it has gone (that is mainly the guy who could get all the credit for it). So, he is tired and a smidge cranky with some of the users at work. Fortunately he is not coming home cranky at us.

Big Let Down

Well, it has been quite the day for news. Unfortunately it has been a fair bit of bad news, not great news and things "that wouldn't be bad but they just all seem to add up" news. The lady from Health Records who took the full time position which resulted in my Temporary Full Time at the Cash Desk decided today that she will be returning to Health Records which eliminates the need for my full time job. I am now back down to casual however, I do have 3 casual positions.

Yesterday, I hurt my back pretty badly. Bad enough, in fact, that I couldn't stay at work today and was told to fill our Compensation forms etc ect. I went to the chiropractor and the family doctor and I have soft tissue damage to the small of my back from filing 8 hours straight yesterday. I am also officially off work until Friday and am limited to what I can do for the next 8-14 days. By then, I know that I will be 100% due to prayer, chiro treatments, rest, exercises and anti-inflammatories.

BigB had a stressful day at work. Their bringing in a new computer system and this is requiring a few new computers which nobody seemed to be ready for them to install.

Bug wanted to help us because the fish looked hungry so he took it upon himself to feed the dear creatures. Unfortunately, he gave them about 5 oz of fish food which required immediate fish doctoral care and by that I mean BigB had to clean the tank out when he just wanted to de-stress.

Bug also has started thinking he needs 3/4 of a roll of toilet paper each and every time he goes to the bathroom. This results in me having to unplug the toilet every time and it is getting tedious and tiresome.

So, that is the frustrations of today but I know tomorrow will be better. I have faith. I have to have faith. There is something better waiting for me right around the corner; I just don't know which corner...

Oy, my math brain...

Ok, so training has been going...all right. It is certainly a lot to take in considering I get 4 days to learn what they normally teach you in 2 weeks. It is definitely hard on the math brain.

Tomorrow is my last day of training and then I am by myslef but, the lady who is training me will still be in the building so I will be able to make emergency calls to her so she can bail me out of a bind.

More later...bed is calling me....so tired...brain malfunctioning...

Slight Change in Plans

I will not be training in ICU for about a year...I just got a temporary full time cash clerk position that is supposed to end the end of August 2007. I will do my training for the relief position after that.

It is going to be so nice...working Mon to Fri, every third Friday off and days only. The job is, I have heard, stressful, however, I am thinking it will be nice to have a stressful job with a regular paycheck as opposed to being stressed out because I don't know when I will be called in.

Sweet.

Can't believe I forgot to tell you...

I am the newest employee in the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital. Oh yeah! That's right!

I accepted a relief ICU ward clerk position. So...we'll see how that goes and see if that is something I can do. I have 3 days training Oct 17-19.

Booya!!!!

Oh yeah!!! What a feeling!!!

You all know what a sucker I am for deals and how there are times when I am so fortunate to stumble over a really good one. Well, today, Bug and I were at Wal Mart (shocking!) and we were just strolling around when I found some clearance garden stuff. It peaked my curiosity especially when I saw a trellis for $2.00. $2.00?!? That price simply couldn't be right considering the tag on it said $19.99.

We threw a couple in the cart and went to find one of those price checkers but none of them worked so it was off to the till to pay for our items and I asked the girl what the trellis came up as. They were definitly $2.00!!! I have been wanting some but have always been too cheap to pay the $20. By the time Bug and I got home I had 4 of them and had only spent $8.00!!!

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I am stealthy! I am just like a...ninja...a shopping ninja!!!

Frustrated

They are still here...they probably couldn't find another place that would rent to them.

Today as we were leaving to go to the farm, she was verbally attacking our landlords whom we were speaking with. I gave her a funny look and she lashed out at me calling me an "f"ing dirty "b" and what the "h*&& are you looking at? You better watch your back 'b'!!! You don't know who you are dealing with..."

We were leaving Rush at home by herself because she is sick and these people who live 2 feet away from our kitchen window are obviously mentally disturbed. I was pretty nervous about it and called her a couple of times to ensure that she hadn't been harmed.

We have been given fair warning by the landlords that they may need to get us to sign a statement and/or go to court to defend them. It sounds like they are going to be evicted and soon because if they aren't gone within a month or so we are leaving...

I will not subject my kids to their late night 5 minute (numerous) visits (by suspected pharmecutical buyers), psychotic outbursts of verbal diarrhea or out of control rages. The list could go on and on and on. If they are not gone...we are!!!

An epiphany

That's right, folks. I have seemingly had an epiphany. I think that I have not only been neglecting my friends lately but...I have also been neglecting myself and some very important parts of who I am. I haven't been doing it purposely or even knowingly been doing it. Now that I am aware, however, I had better get my act together and change this tragedy.

I had two monumentous moments that led to this epiphany of mine. The first being when we were in the truck on the way to the last free dump day of the year; I looked in the rear view mirror and saw 2 caterpillars staring at me from the top frame of my glasses. That's right! Gross!!! I need to take care of my physical self.

The second milestone on this journey of mine today was while BigB and I were at a local coffeehouse. As we walked in the door I saw a friend of mine strumming her guitar. We listened to her singing some of the songs that she has written and I realized that I have neglected my poetic self. It has been so long since I have done any writing (excluding here obviously; I mean artsy writing). I LOVE writing poetry. It is very therapeutic for me-cleansing, healing even and I have neglected that part of me in a long time.

I am so over that! I will take better care of my physical and spiritual self and my, just for BigB, artsy fartsy poetry writing self. I can't neglect myself anymore than I can neglect my friends. I have missed you all so much...It's time for some balance. I am back, baby; I am back!

Edited to add...
I just popped over to mamasaysohm and saw what this weeks theme was and, wow, did this post ever fit...

Overheard at BoosterJuice

"Hi. I'd like a Strawberry Sunshine with Energy."

Oh. We're all out of energy..."

Just some pictures

The volleyball queen.

The entertainer.

Her first desk ever...

The snow geese.

I Would Like to Apologize

I have been a little involved in my life without much thought to my friends and I need to say I am sorry. Please, please, please forgive me.

I will give a bit of an update on here while I am in the middle of calling my friends to talk to you all.

Rush had her first volleyball game last Thursday and they won 3 out of 4 games. Go Bears!!! I do have pictures which I will add a bit later.

The hospital is in the middle of a gastroentitis (spelling?) epidemic (for lack of a better word). The 5th floor has been closed off to visitors (excluding emergency cases), staff are in full isolation gear 100% of the time and there are to be no new admissions to that floor for the time being. I have to say that it is refreshing to see what precautions are being taken to ensure public health and safetyl.

A fellow employee and friend of BigB's was killed on Friday in a motorcycle accident. Needless to say the hospital staff was in a state of shock coming ot work this morning as we opened our emails to find out both of these bits of news.

That is all for now as I need to go tuck in some kids...
Again, I am sorry and I will talk to you soon.

Went to the movies...

BigB and I went to the movies tonight and watched one that I had been looking forward to seeing for quite a while (there are also a few that are getting my interest in the previews). Anyway, I will try not to digress any further. We watched Gridiron Gang with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Okay, I am not even going to begin to try and critique this movie because I doubt that I would be able to do so in an objective manner. I LOVED this movie on an emotional level. I am an emotional person and so, that is how I viewed the film, through eyes of emotion. I found it to be a tear-jerker through most of the movie. I can honestly tell you that I never broke down and cried but there were quite a few moments that pulled at my heart-strings and I found myself falling into the lives and emotions of the characters.

I don't know how accurately this story was protrayed by the movie but there was actual footage of the team and coach during the credits and that was pretty much word for word. There were, of course some "Hollywood" moments but that is to be expected it is a movie after all. I can't see it getting any big awards or recognition but it was a good movie in my opinion and, I can honestly say, that that was one of the first times I have been THAT interested in watching a football game.

I found myself feeling a tad bit nostalgic due to the name and logo of the team as my high school team was also The Mustangs with the same tired old mustang "running" across our shirts.

Go, Mustangs!!! Go!!!

For your reading pleasure

Gas has gone down to 93.9 cents a litre...

and Bug has gotten his first pair of skates and is looking very forward to the first...er, snow. Sorry, but it is true.

Oh yes, and Jellybean has her very first loose tooth and it is getting very, very wiggly.

Apparently,

the new neighbors are moving out. They phoned the landlady, yelled and swore at her and have told her that they are leaving.


Gee, that's too bad; they seemed like such nice people.


ha ha ha

Oh, the games we play

Tonight, once all the "kids" were in bed, BigB, P.B and J and I played Pictionary at the kitchen table. BigB and I got our butts kicked by P.B. and J however I have never had more fun losing at anything in my life and J and I laughed so hard we were crying, the tears rolling down our faces. This is definitely one of those nights to go in the "great time" category.

I can't wait to play again.

I'm a big girl now...

When I was a kid I would get excited about my birthday coming up or Christmas or any other holiday like that. You know the feeling all excited, anxious and tingly?

I realized today that I am now a big kid...an adult even. I get excited and tingly when I see...

...the price of gas going down!!!!!


We are now at 95.9 cents per litre. Wahoo!!!

I am such a dork

I have been attempting to get my grade 12 math through correspondence and I can never seem to finish it...too many distractions and to many reasons I can use not to do it. What I did get done I got good grades on...really good grades and so I was getting frustrated. Today I went to the adult education building at our local trade school and found out that I can get this math class (FOR FREE) and, if I need more than one class, I can get paid to go to school!!!!!

What in the world was I waiting for?!? Now I just have to make an appointment with another woman and get all signed up; this will take a couple of days as she needs to get my transcripts and then I will be on a waiting list to get in! If I had only looked into this 2 years ago when I tried to get my math the first time!

Ah, don't cry over spilled milk; I must simply look forward and know that it is a possibility now.

Sending some props out to my peeps...word.

Ok, so that doesn't even flow from my fingers let alone my lips. Just wanting to shout out a big HI and send hugs and love KC way to our friends and family...especially Dr. Mike and and his lovely wife (trying to think of good nickname for her...), Joy (because she is always full of joy).

Oh yeah and to LilB and Nat; we all miss you, especially the kids.

Why do I do this to myself?

I finally broke down and went to the doctor on Monday and I have bronchitis. I am now on a ventalin inhaler and some antibiotics but, the fact is, if I would have gone to the doctor LAST week, I probably wouldn't need the inhaler. I am getting better, slowly. Yesterday I tried to go to work and my boss sent me home after 10 minutes. Today I am giving it another try. I don't have to answer phones or anything as I am just in the incomplete chart room rearranging charts and trying to find some reason in the midst of chaos. Tomorrow I have a day off and then I'm back to work Friday with, hopefully, the weekend off.

Have I mentioned...?

Have I mentioned that we have new neighbors? Have I mentioned that they are an extrememly young family with extremely vulgar language and even more vulgar friends? Have I mentioned how completely unimpressed I am?


Tonight "J" came home from work, was here for about a half hour and mentioned seeing our neighbors with said friends, she then went out to get in her car and came back angrier than I have ever seen her. These wonderful neighbors of ours or their friends wrote on the dust on "J's" car some rather crude and vulgar words that have me incredibly p'ed off and about ready to go pay them a visit but, I am resisting because...frankly, I don't know why other than the fact that what I would say and do would be completely wrong.

I am getting completely fed up with this neighborhood...dirty needles in the back alley, neighbors swearing around my 3 year old, eggs being thrown at our cars, busted beer bottles on our front lawn...

I think the country is calling me very, very, very loudly.


P.S. I took Bug to the doctor today because he was complaining about his ears last night. Turns out he doesn't have the ear infection I thought he had but he has something called miroengitis (spelling?) which has nothing to do with menningitis but is a blistering of his ear drums and there is nothing we can do for him other than children's Advil. He is in so much pain. The doctor said it is extremely painful and that Bug's eardrum looks like someone took a cigarette to it. My poor, poor baby.

My M.V.P.

The newly made-over Rush made the volleyball team and when she is not on the court she is one of two team "managers"! I think that that is pretty darn cool! Her job as team "manager" is to make note of who is making their sets, serves and bumps... She is pretty excited about it and proud of her achievement. I am pretty proud of her as well and I know her dad will be too, once he finds out.



The new 'do. I don't know how well the red highlights are going to show up because the pictures seem pretty dark.

My Road to...Recovery?

Mr.B left about an hour ago with his dad, the girls left for school early today as Rush had her third and final volleball try-out and J is still sleeping. I mistakingly thought it would be safe to leave Bug in one room while I lay down in another as I listened to the "grim reaper" scratch his nails at my door taunting me (ok, I am melodramatic). Bug is stealthy...like a ninja, quiet and mischevious. I heard him call out for me in a panic-striken voice. I jumped out of bed with as much energy as I can muster and ran to...the bathroom? Yes, there stood Bug ankle deep in toilet water that was still bubbling over the toilet seat and seaping into our hallway.

I managed to stay calm even though I seriously felt like crying and calling MerryMaids to come clean it so I could just crawl back to my bed, pulled the 90% of a ROLL of toilet paper out of the toilet and began drying the floor with towels. I now have that done, have put that load of towels in to be washed and am waiting to, now, have enough energy to wash the floor however, that can be done in an hour or so. I just needed to share my dismay with someone and you all seemed to be best for that job.

I have now recruited the help of my least favorite babysitter...that being television and more accurately "Treehouse" so that I may continue resting and hopefully not have to deal with halucinations of the past few days brought on by my recurring fever and Bug said he was sorry so I hope that stands for 'I will never do that again, my gorgeous, hard working mommy who deserves so much more than we can ever give her.' Uh oh, the fever must be back; time to lay down.

Sure Sign...

Sure sign you're extrememly sick is when your manager sees you at Meet the Teacher night at the school and says..."I DO NOT want to see you at work tomorrow!!!".

I didn't really even want to go tonight; well, not physically anyway. The "mom" part of me was NOT missing it!!! And I didn't!!! Now, it is 7:45, I am boiling water for a neocitron, going to bed and praying that I don't faint.

Please keep my physical self in your prayers as Mr.B is leaving first thing in the morning to go to Ft. McMurray with his dad for the weekend.

By the way, Rush is presently, at Regis getting her hair done by our friend; who is putting red chunks in Rush's hair. there will be pictures. I have no doubt that she will do a great job but I am a little nervous as to how, um, bold it will be, as there is not going to be parental supervision since I am sick and Mr. B is preparing for his trip.

Gotta go...pictures will be up when I can...

A Little Bit of This and A Little Bit of That

It has been a chaotic week in a sense. That being getting back into the routine of school lunches, after school snacks and the adjustment to volleyball practices, dance classes, swimming lessons, piano lessons (which we need to schedule a time, Dixie; or is it still fine with what it was last year?), Kids' clubs, teacher barbeques, birthday parties, sleep overs....

Does it ever stop?

Ah, but as much as I "pretend" to complain, I think I live for this sort of stuff. It seems this is what I was born for.

We have also, as a family, registered for a Walk-A-Thon for the Children's Wish Foundation. If any of my readers would like to sponsor us, please let me know. (Shameful plug, I know and I apologize)

On Sunday we had a spur of the moment outing with some of our church family and went to the lake and off for a weiner roast. It was a lot of fun.

Here are the pictures of the kids' first day of school as promised and only a week late.




I had to work so the girls were in charge of taking the pictures. Jellybean did a pretty good job of getting Rush in the picture. I was expecting her head to be cut off or part of her body missing. Great job, Jellybean!


Look out Grade Eight!!!










As excited as Jellybean was about going to her first day of Grade One, she was also pretty sad that mommy was all ready at work before she woke up. The good news is that I got to walk them the next day.
















As luck would have it, the girls' first day of school also happened to be Bugs first day at the babysitters since summer holidays. It gave him something to look forward to-especially since she had gotten a new puppy over the summer.

My Server Needs Viagra...or something

I am at my wit's end with this stinking server we have our computers hooked up to; that and my computer husband keeps forgetting to fix it!!! Anyway, the server is down more than it is up and that means no internet access!!! Which means I go into blogging withdrawl-be it posting or reading. Hopefully it will be up and running good as new and none of this no-internet-crap!


On a side note: Did you all hear the Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter died? My kids were quite upset as we watched that show quite a bit. Granted, he was a bit overzealous but, he loved his job those animals and had great reasons behind what he did. He also used expressions that made it rather fun to imitate a day in the life of the crocodile hunter. He will be missed as he taught my kids to love animals and not just the cute fuzzy kind.

First Day Report

I know; I know. The first day of school was last week however, I work in Health Records and reports can sometimes take days, if not weeks, to show up. So, I am not doing THAT bad am I?

The girls were counting down the sleeps until school started from about August 1 on and so the anticipated day arrived and they were tingling with excitment. What teachers would they get? Who would be in their class? When they came home from school they were both excited to report that their teachers are super nice and most of their friends are in their classes. Jellybean only had one friend move away and she was devestated as it was a pretty good friend. (I, on the other hand, am kind of relieved-I know, I am terrible-but this girl called our house countless times a day.)

By about 6:17 the night of the first day, Jellybean asked me, "Mama, would it be ok if I went to bed now?". I begged her for just a little while longer because I didn't feel the desire to be getting up with her at 4:30 the next morning. She made it to bed time...barely.

Both girls are so enjoying the school year so far. Rush is a "senior" in her school and is feeling all role modely. She has really grown over the summer and turned into quite a gorgeous young lady. (first day pictures when I wake up) Jellybean is absorbing everything her teacher says and is looking forward to us going to the "Meet the Teachers" BBQ next week. By the end of next week I should know what kind of "taxi mom" chaos I can look forward to this school year but for now, I guess, I will just have to tingle with anticipation. Or is that fear....?

Hi, Remember Me?

It's been a while since I have been on here. It's been a busy time for me. We went to my granny's funeral on Friday and said our goodbye's, on Saturday we went to the lake with some good friends (sans the kids) for some well deserved rest, relaxation and oodles of marshmallows, got back on Monday and my computer had died. Poof! Gone...just like that. So I have been suffering from withdrawls.

There have been tensions in the house as well for a couple of days but, I don't feel the need to get into that right now. This blog is not the place for it. Please just remember to keep us in your prayers.

But here is a picture of "relaxation". It was so great to get away with our friends, enjoying just sitting quietly, dozing on the warm sand at the beach and frolicking in the waves. I can't wait until we make our next trip, wherever and whenever that is.
















P.S. We were also pleasantly surprised to come home to Bug being pretty much potty trained. He will have, at most, one accident a day and he is usually trying to get to the potty when that happens. He even goes poop by himself. Do you hear the choir of heavenly angels singing? Ah, sweet, sweet music. Sweet, sweet glory!

Air Daddy

Bug came out shopping with BigB and I tonight and I got it in my head to be a little silly with the boy. Following is an example of one of our "AirDaddy" moments.

To set the scene: I am grabbing Bugs seatbelt about to buckle him into his carseat.
Me: My name is Mommy and I will be your seatbuckler for this evening.

Bug: giggle, giggle, giggle

Me: Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times and please, keep your seat in its upright position.

Bug: giggle, giggle, giggle

Me: Thank you for flying AirDaddy. Please enjoy the ride.

Bug: Oh, Mama, dat's funny.

The dress arrived

Today we got "the dress". It was ordered from off of Ebay and we paid (aka LilJ) around $250 including shipping, taxes, duty etc. When we got the dress today all the writing was in Chinese and we found out that we paid 615 yen for the dress. Cool.

Anyway, I had LilJ try it on and I got some pictures so...here it is along with some photoshopping I've been doing.

And so her journey has reached a new phase...

My granny ended her fight last night. She got to go home...there is no more suffering for her. No more watching her lose weight, fight for a breath, struggle to get comfortable as my parents have been doing during their vigil this summer. My step-dad asked us to not come see her after we said our goodbyes as he wanted all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren to remember her the way she was and not small, frail and suffering.

As happy as I am for her that her suffering has ended and that she is going on to a much better place, I am saddened and I feel lost and lonely. I have no more grandparents left; she was the last and there is no one else in the world who can love you in the special that a grandparent loves you. No one else makes you feel special in the way grandparents do.

I have been so fortunate, in my life, to have 3 sets of grandparents who have been great and who have loved me immensely and who have taught me so very much about life, living, God and the kind of person I should be. I have had 3 sets of grandparents who have taught me how to love and how important it is to show people how much you do love them. I have had 3 sets of grandparents who have given 100% of themselves, no matter how much it was, to me and to loving me.

I feel lost. I feel like there is such a huge part of me missing-knowing that there is no one in the world any more who loves me in "that" way. I felt orphaned last night when mom told me; or at least that was the word that came to me. I have since tweaked it since I do have 3 sets of parents who love me. I am now a "grand-orphan" and I don't like how it feels one bit.

Granny...(Aka GG) Thank you for loving me. Thank you for looking at me in that way only grandmothers can and for making me feel special in that way only grandmothers can. Thank you for the wisdom, the joy, the love, the pride and the example you bestowed upon me. I love you. Until we meet again....

My child...

Because he is too darn stinkin' cute for his own good, I may have to lock him in his room or become a sharp shooter. Either or...works for me.

Sometimes I can't fathom how much I love my kids; there seems to be no measure for it...no end to it but yet, it doesn't even begin to compare to how much God loves me. How is it then, so hard to even begin to grasp that concept some days? Why is it so hard, knowing how much I love my children, to believe that God loves me so much more than that, whether I feel worthy or not?

I saw a picture at a friend's house today and it showed a beautiful, serene sky with a dark cross in the foreground. I have seen this picture a thousand times in her front porch but today, the words jumped out and grabbed me.

It reads. " One day I asked God how much He love me and He said, 'This much' and He spread His arms out wide and died."

Needing a teenager to english dictionary

Apparently "long engagement" means next August...11th by the sounds of things.

LilJ lost her boyfriend...

There is a weird atmosphere in our house tonight...

As the post says, LilJ lost her boyfriend; that's right, she no longer has a boyfriend...



She does


however


have

a

FIANCE!!!!

There will be pictures of the happy couple and ring as soon as I get them off my camera!

Edited for one note:
According to the betrothed, it will not be a short engagement.

Edited again to add pictures:

Sleep deprived!

I. Am. Tired. Exhausted even.

One more 12 hour shift and I am going to bed and am thinking of staying there until Wednesday!


On another note: Happy anniversary to our friends the "Nut" family! Love you guys!

The one reason I hate working nights

I worked a 13 hour night last night. It was all right; I hung on. I hit a wall at 4 am because there was a lull in paperwork to do and a lull in the phones and a lull, thankfully, in patients coming to the E.R. I got home a few minutes after 7, had a bowl of cereal and crawled, happily, into bed. We had plans to go to the Ex today with the kids so I asked BigB to wake me up after Bug was done his nap.

We went to the Ex and had a lot of fun. Rush experienced some thrilling rides and enjoyed the new found adreneline rush. We all enjoyed the fair food: cotton candy, caramel apples, fudge and spudnuts however, none of us enjoyed them as much as Bug did (there will be pictures to prove this). To end the evening, we went to the store and picked up some pizzas, chips, dip and pop (boy did we eat healthy today) and had a picnic in our living room.

I started to tucker out at 7 pm and slowly found myself on the verge of sleep as we were watching a movie with the kids. At 9 I finally drug my butt to bed so I could just sleep instead of fighting to stay awake with the family and this is where we reach the part I hate about working nights.

My head hit the pillow and, all of a sudden, bang, I was wide friggin' awake and there has been no way I could make myself fall asleep. So, here I sit trying to find the sleepy zone again. I have shredded some zucchini for my freezer, read everyone's blogs and am on the verge of banging my head against the wall in any attempt to put myself to sleep. I work another 12 tomorrow but this time it is a day shift! I need to be up at 6 or so! I want to sleep!!!!!

Enough whining and snivelling though, perhaps I will try again: head back to my bed, get a cold cloth for my head, turn the music down even more and hit myself with a hammer until I lull myself, finally, into a peaceful sleep. Goodnight y'all!

Aspburgergus and other funny words

Tonight we had asperagus for the first time with the kids. Bug didn't like it so much. Jellybean adored her "aspburgergus". Rush loved it too.

Other words that the kids have been saying lately that are pretty funny:

meem: Bug's way of saying me. No matter how many times we tell him "me" he insists he is right.

cak: the long a sound eludes Jellybean when she is trying to say cake.

She's growing up

Tomorrow Rush turns 13 years old. I can't believe she has been a part of my life for 13 years all ready. We've been through an awful lot in our lives; we've stuck beside each other through good times and bad times and have always been there to support each other.

We have a special bond, Rush and I. That sort of happens when you're a single mom and dealing with all the stuff that follows suit with that. I am not going to put a negative spin on this at all.

I just want you to know, Rush, that I am so incredibly proud of how you take care of your brother and sister for us when we are at work and all the hard work you do. I am so proud of the heart you have, the love of music you have, the talent you have developed in your chosen instruments, the inner strength I see in you, the inner and outer beauty that you possess and the strength and grace you have used to deal with the circumstances you have met so far in your life.

You are so special that I just can't even begin to express how much you mean to me and you know that for me to be at a loss for words is rare. I love you with all that I am, all that I can be and all that you made me become. Happy birthday, baby. Welcome to the next phase of your life.

Oh, by the way, tomorrow I teach you how to put on your new makeup!!! (wink)

Saturday, Saturday where are you Saturday

Is this week taking forever or what? I mean the days are passing so quickly; I start work and it's soon time for my break, then lunch and then my second coffee. So, the days are passing quickly but this week seems to sauntering along. Perhaps it is because there is so much excitement in the house and too much waiting for the end of the week.

Rush turns 13 tomorrow and she has been waiting for this day for over a year. Why? Tomorrow is the day she gets to wear makeup on a regular basis other than just dance recital and that is a huge stepping stone for her.

We are going to the fair on Saturday to celebrate her birthday. Saturday is my only day off. So the children are waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

Me too...I am tired...a day off would be great. I only have 52 hours of work left this week. 16 down and 52 to go. Just typing that makes me tired.

I didn't sleep well last night. My step-dad's uncle passed away and his funeral is today; his cousin died from cancer and her funeral is Friday. My granny, who has been holding her own in the hospital for the last while, has taken an extreme turn for the worst. She is 70 pounds and can only eat pudding and yogurt and stuff. More waiting...I don't think it will be long now...I love you, Granny.

How rude...

This weekend seems to have arrived and left without me being notified; I really think it passed by me without so much as a 'hello'. Yesterday afternoon the kids and I went over to my dad's for a visit and had a nice time with Pa, Grandma and UncleS (who by the way was in a lot of pain due to another cowboy related wreck...oh, my nerves...) and then it was time to get home to make supper. Too hot to cook inside and BigB was at a demolition derby towing the demolished cars off the field. What were we going to do since he is the official bar-be-quer? I gave in to my bar-b-que'ing virginity (since the only thing I have really cooked on the bar-b-que before was hotdogs) and made steakettes (big step up heh?) and veggie packets. Turned out pretty darn good, if I do say so myself. I only was blinded a few dozen times do to smoke flare ups.

Today BigB and I drove around town looking for the last store to sell advanced wrist bands for the Ex as we are taking the kids on Saturday. The 2 youngest can make due with us just buying tickets for but it is for Rush's birthday and we wanted her to be able to go on whatever she wanted; plus, I am sure, the kids will want her to go on a few rides with them that she wouldn't normally want to use her tickets on.

Jellybean had her friend, Tamika, over for the afternoon and the 2 of them played in the paddling pool, had water fights and ate popsicles. I walked them home and on the way back we stopped to say goodbye to a couple who attends the church we once did and he kindly gave us a hose reel for the waterhose (which we have been wanting to get but haven't had the funds to spend for one yet. Nice blessing) and Jellybean got herself a nice teddybear from them which she promptly named...yes...Strawberry Shortcake. I suggested a few other names and she finally chose Molly but her nickname will be Strawberry Shortcake. Oy!

I just sat down at my computer after blanching some asparagus to put in our freezer as well as some dill and cilantro. May I say that the weekend is pretty much done and it never even let me know it showed up.

Next weekend will pretty much be the same thing. I work a lot this week: Mon-Thur is 8-4:30 (and Ithink we will most likely take the kids to the parade tomorrow night), Fri I woek a 12 hour night so 7-7; I will then come home and sleep for a couple of hours and then take the kids to the Ex Saturday afternoon. Sunday I work a 9 hour day and then I work a 12 hour day on Monday. After that, aside from being burnt out, I think I might have a couple days off to hopefully recouperate and reintroduce myself to my family. I will also be spending the week mourning the loss of Rush's childhood as she officially becomes a teenager on Thursday.

Body Image vs Self Image...mine sucks

For the longest time, I have been dealing with my weight. Okay, if I were to be brutally honest I would say for the last 18 years I have been struggling with my weight. My struggles have, up until now, been of a different sort than most. I was/am anorexic/bulemic; don't get me wrong when I say "am". What I mean by "am" is that although I am not a practicing bulemic or anorexic anymore, I fight those demons just about every day of my life.

People would always tell me I was too skinny and that I needed to gain weight. I would look at myself and see fat and at 5'6 and 100 pounds I was far from fat. Now that I am heavier than that I have an extremely difficult time trying to figure out what a healthy weight loss goal would be. What I see is still not what others see. If I were to guess how much weight I want to lose I would say 50 pounds but others tell me there is no way I have 50 pounds to lose. I DO have weight to lose; I just don't know how much would be healthy and I don't want to get sick again.

Most people don't realize what an oxymoron it is to hear someone say (whether it is factual or not) that anorexia/bulemia are a person's way of maintaining control because you have no control over it. It has control over you and I do not want to go through that again. I am trying to do this the healthy way. I am trying to watch what I eat; I have been, spuratically keeping a food journal (time to get serious). I am trying to get disciplined to do pilates regularily and tonight I went for a walk/jog. (I read in a magazine that to start out it would be more beneficial to me to walk a while, jog a while, walk a while, etc.)

I hope I'll be more disciplined about this because I am really struggling with what I see in the mirror and I don't need to be a bad example to my kids, especially my girls. I beat that eating disorder crap once for Rush and I don't plan on needing to beat it again.

The summer so far...

Even with all the working I have been doing this summer, I think we have managed to have some fun this month so far. We haven't had a chance to do any camping yet but that will come. Our activities have, up to this point, included branding, Batoche, Ft. Carlton, playing with good friends, a birthday party and the lake. May I present to you, July in pictures...

Canada Mourns Again

Making headlines all across Canada...

Remember our RCMP and their families during this tragic time.
A trust fund has been set up for the small children of these slain officers; you can find more information here.


Thank you for all you did for us.
Rest in Peace

Today is your birthday!!!

Three years ago today Bug and I were in the maternity ward, room #14. Three years ago today I was holding my beautifully and perfectly made son and cocooning him in one arm. Three years ago today my heart swelled with pride and love. Three years ago today I was nervous because I thought I was going to make a terrible mom to a boy and not know how to take care of him. Three years ago today I was struggling to get out of bed due to pain from a third and final c-section and three years ago today I couldn't think of a pain more worthwhile. In case you haven't figured it out, my handsome, smart, delightful Bug is three years old today (and as a side note, my dad is...ahem...45...ahem...sort of...).





















Buddy, you are one of the best things to ever happen to me. I am so proud of you, of the heart you have, of the determination you posess and of the little man I have watched you grow into. Your smile, sparkling, mischivious eyes, deep dimples, contagious giggle and zest for life make me fall in love with you all over again. Mama loves you so much-to the depths that I have not yet seen nor felt. I still can not fathom the incredible love I feel for you. You make me proud to be your mama.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you so much. You have given so much of yourself to and for me and, because of that, I owe a debt to you I can never possibly pay.

Sure sign

Sure sign your 5 year old has watched too many Visine commercials:

"Do you have something for eyes? 'Cause mine eyes is dried out."


Sure sign your 3 year old could make a darn good living as a politician:

After drinking all of his juice he poured his sister's into his cup while she was out of the room. Upon her return she began drinking her juice again and her brother freaked out that that was his.

Me: That's Jellybean's juice, Bug.

Bug: But my cup.

Me: But it's Jellybean's juice.

Bug: yeah, but it my cup...


Sure sign your almost-teenager is getting extremely close to being a teenager:

You ask her to wash, dry and put laundry away and you find all the laundry (from youngest kid's to pre-teen's clothes, towels, dish clothes etc) in Jellybean's dresser drawers and when you ask why most of Jellybean's clothes aren't put away, her reply is "She has too many clothes and they won't all fit, maybe you need to give some away." Say what!!!

Sure sign you have been a parent of for way too long:

You think this is all incredibly funny however, you can't wait until pre-teen gets home from her grandpa's house so you can string her up by her toenails and pummel her with an organic carrot.

Am I on crack?

Seriously, people, am I? It is 9:30 a.m. and so far today I have done 2 loads of laundry, gone to work and back to pick up a paper I needed, cleaned up Bug's cheerio mess, tattooed my kids, checked my email, chatted with a friend on MSN and had a nap...whatever will I do for the rest of the day?

Looks like more laundry, cleaning Jellybean's room with her help, picking up a few groceries from Superstore, figuring out what to make for supper, possibly baking some cookies before it gets too hot in here, order Bug's birthday cake because he will be "Free" (3) on Friday and I just don't even know what else....I feel a nap coming on.

What a day.

No, seriously. What a day. This morning the kids and I got ready and headed over to Dixie's house shortly after 9. I had all ready been asked about 12 times when we were going. So, the kids all had a blast playing in the wading pool and slide, garden hose, sandbox and attempting to be naked. Dixie and I baked a pie. Well, Dixie baked it; all I did was slice a couple of pears. It was quite good; she and I had that for a snack. Yummy! Jellybean, Bug and I headed home for lunch, ate a quick bite and headed out to run a couple of errands.

While I was at Dixie's we were looking at her flower beds and I got it in my head that I was going to get rid of the delphiniums that are taking over my flowerbeds and sidewalk. They are more of an eye-sore than anything. While Bug was napping Jellybean and I pulled flowers, weeds and did some transplanting and rearranging in the flowerbeds. It is 6 now and I just walked in the door. Feeling a good about the day I had as well as a tad bit crispy. I noticed my shoulders when I went to wash my hands for making supper...I look and feel a tad bit lobsterish but just on my back and shoulders. Ah, it was a good day though.

Ode to a Big Sis

Thanks, R, for everything you are and everything you make me want to be. Thanks for trusting me with your problems and for helping me with mine. Thanks for being there to laugh with, to cry with, to have fun with and to just sit and be with. I am so very proud to be your sister and I love you so much. Happy birthday to you my dear. I love you.

Oy!!!

I hurt! Not emotionally; not mentally...I hurt physically. My stomach muscles have decided to rebel against my attempts to get fit. Pilates! Uggh! I enjoyed it; don't get me wrong and...it is sort of a good hurt...sort of. Tonight was the first time I had done these, aside from the time Dixie and I did them in her living room.

It may be difficult for me to do this tomorrow but I'll be darned if I am letting my stomach muscles beat me!!

I WILL do Pilates tomorrow. I really, really will!

At rest...

Megan's fight ended last night.

And life goes on...

Two years ago, we were celebrating LilB's graduation and a co-worker and his family were watching their daughter of the same age fighting for her life as she began a fight with a double lung transplant (among other things). At the time, it saddened me, knowing that this young girl, who went to the same school and was in the same grade as LilB was fighting a battle no one that age should have to. She lay in the hospital fighting as her friends walked across the stage graduating. Life went on...

LilB was in the process of planning his wedding with DearN, one of the happiest times in a person's life and Megan was getting sick again and found herself in and out of the emergency ward time after time, her wedding day so far from her mind. LilB got married; Megan got sicker...and life went on...

Today I went to work and found out that Megan has been admitted to the Medical/Palliative ward of the hospital fighting, once again, for every breath she takes. Her family was called in; she is in isolation and the doctors are not giving much faith to her survival. And life goes on...

It is so hard and so unfair to think what this family and, especially, this young girl, has endured in the last few years. I am saddened by my granny being so close to death, someone who has led a great and complete life-someone who has lived to see great-grandchildren.

Megan, is laying in a hospital bed and it is very probable that she will not live to see her wedding day let alone great-grandchildren. It is so unfair that this wonderful family needs to endure this. We shouldn't have to worry about our children this way. It makes other problems seem so petty and so selfish. Megan struggles for each breath, for each kiss, for each hug, for each fleeting moment and, somehow...life goes on...

Please, please pray for this family. They need every prayer, every positive thought, every ray of hope we have to offer them. Right now, they need God to give them the strength to make it through each minute of her life and, if it should happen, every minute after her passing. Pray for peace, for strength and for calmness and please, please don't take your kids' and their lives for granted. You never know how long you have with that precious gift.

What a treat!

Last weekend when we were at the park Jellybean gave me and her AuntieR lots of treats like the one shown in the picture. Every time she saw a flower she was picking it and distributing the flowers between Auntie and Mom. It reminded me so much of when I was a kid and picking flowers for my mom and granny.




This week's theme at Mamasaysom.

Okay, I Did It!!!

I have been moaning and complaining long enough and I finally decided that it was time to do something about it so...with BigB's "permission" (for lack of a better word) I quit Housekeeping. I am pretty nervous about this, wondering if I will be getting enough hours with the other positions I have but I know that I just need to have faith and trust in God and let Him take care of that stuff. My priorities right now are spending time with my kids and my husband, helping Jellybean with her schoolwork, getting Bug potty trained, spending some good quality time with Rush before she reaches the age that she wants nothing to do with me and other stuff like that. I may even be able to spend more time with my family and friends. Can you imagine that? So, I did it. I am nervous as a mouse at a cat convention but I did it...

How?

How do you say thank you to someone who met you as a half grown kid and opened her arms to welcome you into her family no questions asked and accepted you as her grandchild with no hesitation? How do you say thank you to that same woman who not only accepted you and your children but your step-children as well and who loved them all to pieces?

How do you not cry and how does your heart not break as you hear her say those words...that she is ready to die? How do you not cry when she whispers that she loves you as you are leaning in to give her what is probably the last hug you ever will? How do you not find her the epitimy of beauty and grace as she lies in that bed and with more peace than you can fathom tells you that she has had a full and good life and that you don't need to cry for her?

How do you not admire her strength when she tells you that despite her illness she is feeling no pain and despite all the morphine she is sharp as a tack...her memory never failing?

How do you keep your composure as she tells you not to cry for her? How do you keep from telling her that you are not only crying for her but crying for you because you are about to lose someone so special?

How do you say goodbye as you walk out the door when you want to say see you soon?

GG, we love you! You are a terrific woman, an incredible role model, a spectacular grandma and great-grandma. I am not going to say goodbye to you; I will only say, "see you later".

Great weekend

The kids and I had a great weekend. We went to the farm on Saturday and helped with branding UncleS' cattle and by helped I mean I took the pictures. My job was photojournalism. We had a lot of fun with the 3C's, UncleS, AuntieR, GmaNpaK,UncleD and his daughter and son-in-law. After branding came food...yummy. We had a nice barbeque then the kids played while AuntieR and I had a nice nap on the couches. Ah, relaxation!! I got a bit sunburned and by a bit I mean my face was RED; what can I say, I have sensitive skin.

On Sunday we met the 3C's, UncleS and AuntieR at the Walmart parking lot and went off to Batoche for another fun filled day of family togetherness. It's been a while since we have been able to do anything together (way too long) and so as much as I hated to miss church on my one Sunday off in who knows how long, I really wanted to be with them. We had a good time. It did get a bit long for the kids when we were late going for lunch because we were in the middle of walking around the battle field. At one point Jellybean told AuntieR and I that she was tired, hungry and needy. Well, we heard needy apparently she said itchy. Needy makes for a better and funnier story. Perhaps I will put up pictures tomorrow.

Progress?

I don't want to get too excited because I don't want to jinx it but...

We may have potty training progress!!!! Wahoo!!! We spent the weekend with my brother and sister and their kids. Bug got to watch the boys out on the farm (who will just go where and when they need to. You know, like you do on a farm). I think it intrigued him because just a few minutes ago I got him to stand up and take a pee in the toilet. I then proceeded to put him in his brand new Batman gotchies as a reward and to help him feel like a big boy. Let's see if we have made progress in the peeing area and then we will graduate to the pooping.

I am excited but still nervous just in case we still have a ways to go. He will be 3 in 3 weeks. Here's hoping...

The last graduation of the year...

Tuff graduated from elementary school to junior high so next year he will be attending Grade 7. They seem to grow up way too fast but what can you do to stop it?


















They grow up so fast...sniff!

A new look for Jellybean

Jellybean decided that she needed her haircut as her hair was so long and is so thick; I agreed somewhat tentatively. Anyway, without further ado here is the before and after...

Before...



















After...

Forgiveness...

Well, the dear ladies over at mamasaysom have picked quite a hard theme this week and a challenging one to boot.

Give me a second as I take a deep breath and muster up the courage to type what I feel I must.

I had a great childhood (one, however, with a few major valleys); my teenage years were a roller coaster of good and bad and my early 20's were hell. I've had a lot of things in my life that I have needed to "get over" and in order to do that, I needed to fogive.

I needed to fogive my mom for leaving us in a way that made me feel unloved, insignificant and disposable.

I needed to forgive my dad for "having it in for me" or so it seemed.

I needed to forgive my grandpa and grandma for leaving me "alone" when they passed away.

I needed to forgive the teenage boy who killed my second cousin when he hit him with his truck.

I needed to forgive my 2 friends who chose to end their lives one month apart.

I needed to forgive my roommate for betraying me.

I needed to forgive 3 boys/men for taking from me something I chose not to give...

I NEED to forgive myself for "allowing" them to hurt me and for allowing them to take from me something I couldn't afford to lose, my sense of pride, self-worth, self love and trust...

I NEED to forgive myself for the dark path I chose to go down afterwards and the dark hole I woke up in...

I NEED to forgive myself for giving up on someone very important in my life...me.

Why is it so easy to forgive other people and so hard to forgive yourself...?

The graduate...

I am not going to write much of anything...I will just put some pictures on here for people to see. Busy, busy, busy...



The dress for under the gown...

















Our graduate...with Honors!!!



















The proud boyfriend...rejoicing! Actually he was standing on a chair so LilJ could see us after the ceremony.
















BigB, LilJ and me. Apparently I can't even keep my mouth shut for pictures...(grin)














Ok, I'm done for tonight. I think you guys got the idea of how gorgeous and happy she looked!

We caught a break in the weather

There was a spell between my having to get work done, supper-time and rain where we got to have our water fight; it last for only 15-20 minutes but it was time well spent. The pictures, I think, will speak for themselves.


Jellybean looks like she means business and I'll tell you what, she had an absolute blast.











Bug was giggling so hard I don't know how he ever managed to see anyone to spray them. He also always had a water balloon in his hand poised in the air however, none of those ever hit their mark either.









Rush is looking a bit fearful of getting wet but as the game progressed she felt she wasn't wet enough and turned the hose on herself. Take a look at those storm clouds in the back.

By the way, I couldn't tell Jellybean that her fish was doing more (or less) than sleeping so I snuck in a new one when I went to buy cat food today. I just couldn't do it. I am weak!! Weak I tell you!! She has managed other fishy deaths maybe it's just because I am not feeling well...

What I was doing at 2 in the morning

This is what I spent my night doing last night (aside from yearning for a 24 hour Wal Mart).
We have mini Reeses peanut butter cups with a chocolate covered (square) cookie and a tassled fruit roll up to make a cap and mozzarella cheese strings cut in half and tied with a pull-apart licorice string to make diplomas. They were a tad bit time consuming but I thought a cute little addition to the graduation festivities. Today I have put together rose bowls filled with clear gel, red and silver "graduation" confetti and red floating candles; they will be center pieces for the tables on Saturday. I will also be making "graduation" themed chocolates, slicing vegetables like you wouldn't believe and sneaking off to buy a brand new red betta fish.

We were going to have our year-end water fight and bubble extravaganza but we do have a thunderstorm looming overhead and growling at our every move...we'll have to see but I know the kids will be very, very disappointed.

This morning he's sleeping in...

Jellybean thinks her fish is very tired and is sleeping in...

I don't really want to send her off to school in mourning so I may just have to wait to tell her the news.

This is not going to be fun...

It's a sad, sad day in Berryland

Well, as I mentioned in the tail end of my last post, Strawberry Shortcake, the betta fish, was struggling to keep swimming. The seizures have ended. He has now gone on to the big berry patch in the sky to be with all the other poor, poor male fish with a feminine name like his.

Breakfast, tomorrow, will NOT be fun. What a sad day to end the school year, with the death of the fish who helped you begin the school year. Well, here's to Strawberry Shortcake; he was a good (if not sexually mixed up) fish.

Jellybean done gradumicated...

Seriously though, yesterday Jellybean graduated from Kindergarten. They had a little tea where the Kindergarten class entertained us with some of their favorite poems from throughout the year and fed us with rice krispie squares, cookies and teeny little cherry cheesecake tarts. They didn't have a "cap and gown" ceremony but they still received their "diplomas".

Here are a couple of pictures from the event...

































On a very sad note, as I type this Jellybean's fish, Strawberry Shortcake (the male betta fish my friend, Jaimie gave her) is in the middle of dying and she will wake up in the morning to him being "gone". He is having little fishy seizures and I find myself almost in tears because I can't make it better and Jellybean's little heart will be broken. Dang it! Why can't we have a 24 hour Wal Mart?! It's a sad, sad day in Strawberry Shortcake's home tonight. Pardon me while I wipe the tears and blow my nose and mourn the loss of Jellybean's dear, dear fishy friend.

Going a little nuts

That's right...I'll finally admit it. I may, perhaps, be going nuts. Well not really but I am so busy right now with planning grad, all the year end school events for 4 kids, getting food prepared for grad, I am sick, Bug is sick...

I feel fine;okay, denial move over. I feel not too bad; I am very tired and at times my body is so achy I can feel the roots of my hair, eyelashes and toenails. The biggest annoyance of my being sick is the fact that right now I have (warning graphic description of bodily emissions in near present) superfluidous (I made that up in my delirium last night) nasal emissions that I can't seem to get anything accomplished aside from blowing my nose. I am so tempted to grab a couple of regulars out of my O.B. box and get to work.

Bug was up about 200 times last night; thankfully BigB took care of him. This morning the Bug is about as annoying as a mosquito. His voice is making him sound like he's whining when he isn't however, he spends 98% of the day whining and the other 2% crying. I keep trying to remind myself that he is sick but that whining is such a "push-me-over-the-edge" sound. I have been going around reciting a brand new mantre just for the day...He's sick; he's sick...remember, he's sick.

So now, I am going to go attempt to finish LilJ's scrapbook for grad and that ought to be fun, perhaps those tampons will become a reality as I don't know how much I will really be able to do what with my leaking nasal passage and having my head down to work on this book...wish me luck

Don't rush through life...Saunter.

Bug and DeeDee. These cousins are 2 months apart but from the beginning of their time have always had to hold hands. Here they are taking a stroll through the pasture, checking on the cattle and on their way to visit the horses. They fell way back from the group, just holding hands, sauntering along, enjoying the scenerey and being, just, with each other.

We could learn so much from watching moments like this...take time to show loved ones just how much you care, when you are together, enjoying just being together, don't rush through life and never take the opportunity to enjoy the path you get to take along the way...

And if you look at the very top of the picture you see another example of sauntering with the same life lessons. My Jellybean and her Uncle S enjoying being together.

Enjoy your life. Try not to rush through it...try to simply saunter...



mamasaysom