Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Forgiveness...

Well, the dear ladies over at mamasaysom have picked quite a hard theme this week and a challenging one to boot.

Give me a second as I take a deep breath and muster up the courage to type what I feel I must.

I had a great childhood (one, however, with a few major valleys); my teenage years were a roller coaster of good and bad and my early 20's were hell. I've had a lot of things in my life that I have needed to "get over" and in order to do that, I needed to fogive.

I needed to fogive my mom for leaving us in a way that made me feel unloved, insignificant and disposable.

I needed to forgive my dad for "having it in for me" or so it seemed.

I needed to forgive my grandpa and grandma for leaving me "alone" when they passed away.

I needed to forgive the teenage boy who killed my second cousin when he hit him with his truck.

I needed to forgive my 2 friends who chose to end their lives one month apart.

I needed to forgive my roommate for betraying me.

I needed to forgive 3 boys/men for taking from me something I chose not to give...

I NEED to forgive myself for "allowing" them to hurt me and for allowing them to take from me something I couldn't afford to lose, my sense of pride, self-worth, self love and trust...

I NEED to forgive myself for the dark path I chose to go down afterwards and the dark hole I woke up in...

I NEED to forgive myself for giving up on someone very important in my life...me.

Why is it so easy to forgive other people and so hard to forgive yourself...?

5 comments:

tracey said...

Wow.

You're right. It is so hard to forgive ourselves. And I don't know why that is. I'm mulling over what to write for the theme and I too was thinking about the forgiveness I need to extend to myself. I don't even know if I am strong enough to post something.

That was an incredible and courageous post. I think by writing what you wrote, you are on your way to the forgiveness you need.

Paula Joy said...

Forgiveness is such a freeing experience. To actually say the words, "I forgive you" brings closure to the situation. Everyone deserves forgiveness, even ourself. The time will come when you can apply forgivness to yourself. Get ready for a change in your life - it'll set you free. Once you let it go, leave it there. In the words of good ol' Dr. Phil, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." God has told you what you need to do. Look to Him for strength and you WILL overcome. Like Tracey said, "You are on your way!"

Dixie said...

One of the hardest things and yet most important things you can do... forgiveness.

It's sure feels like an impossible task to realize how much God really loves us and takes pleasure in us. But, think about how much you love your kids and God loves your kids and imprint that in your brain. And then realize that God loves YOU 1000 times more than that.

You are one strong woman to have faced all of the stuff you have, and I hope that you can get to a place of peace and forgiveness about it all.

- aurora - said...

Dear Ang...
It must have been hard for you living in those world. I'm sure, like dixie said, God loves you 1000 times more..

We love you too..
Mwuah
aurora

Shelley said...

Forgiveness leads to more forgiveness... if we could all only get started. Thank you for sharing this.