Sunday, February 26, 2006

The "real" world

Last week I began my training in Health Records; I was pretty nervous before my first day,thinking that I was probably not qualified and just had the first day jitters. The desk I trained on last week was a pretty good desk and it was a nice ease into what happens in this busy, somewhat chaotic part of the hospital. I had a 4 hour evening shift, 4:30-8:30. Tomorrow I begin training on another desk; I get training on 4 desks total. I start at 7:30 am and I am done at 4:00 pm. The week after I start at 7:00 am and am finished at 3:30 pm and the week after that 7:30 am and 4:30 pm.

I must say that I am really looking forward to being able to work during the day and come and be home with my family when they are here. Having a few evenings free is going to be great too because maybe, just maybe we can throw in a coffee or some such visit with a freind or two.

There are 2 relief positions in Health Records that I am going to apply for to see if I get one. They are busy enough that I may be able to get a lot of day shifts. We are interviewing a babysitter on Tuesday evening, one that comes highly recommended. I have been spoiled and extremely blessed having a very good friend watch the kids for me. However, she is returning to work in a couple of days and between that, her music lessons and her kids, I do want her to have a bit of a life. So I am trying to find a way that I won't really need to burden her with 7:00 am calls to babysit...nothing screams friendship ender louder than waking them up too many times from a great sleep...(wink).

Well, I guess we will see how it goes but it does look very, very promising that this lady will work out. She is even able to pick Jellybean up from school so we won't even have to worry about that. However, I am not going to get too excited; in fact, I am kind of nervous. It is really easy to trust my kids to a friend and someone I know is a great person and a great mom. It's a little harder to let them go to strangers.

Pray for wisdom and guidance when we do interview this lady. She doess come highly recommended...

But it is time for me to make my lunch and head off to bed...

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Knock Knock. Who's there? Ground Bees. Ground bees who...?

Waves of long, green blades of grass meant I could "spoil" my horse, Gypsy, a bit and tether him to a tree to graze on the sweet grass that wove around the trees we had growing in by the side of the barnyard. Gypsy was my pride and joy, my first "real" horse (meaning not pony) and was a horse that I had helped with from his very beginnings in this world.

He was born at our neighbor's farm less than a mile away and I was with him nearly every day of his life until I outgrew him. He was born with a twisted leg, windswept it's called and he wasn't very fast and that made him the "runt" of the foals that year. I had a soft spot for him. I have always favored the ones that seemed to need the most love and those that seemed to be in a position where they would be overlooked. These were the animals I fell in love with, that I took home and that I made time for.

I would go to my neighbor's and play with him, brush him, lead him while he was being halter trained...whatever I could do with Gypsy, whenever I could I was there.

I never thought I would own him, never. Her horses always went for more than we could afford but one day, I even think it was a Friday because my sister had a friend come home on the bus with us, Dad met me at the door and told me, in quite a stern voice, that he was sick of me not cleaning up after my animals when I had them in the barn. After me trying to tell him that I had cleaned up after Dusty, my pony, he said something to the effect of "let's prove it". We walked what seemed like miles to get to the barn and I was so afraid that I had forgotten or that I was, indeed, in trouble. The moment seemed an eternity as Dad opened the barn door and showed me how I had not cleaned up after my animal and there before me stood Gypsy. He turned and looked as the door opened, his soft brown eyes smiling at me and he was mine.

His registered name was High Class Sip and up until that point he was called Classy. However, that didn't seem to suit the horse of an unclassy, tomboy teenybopper. I had just finished watching a show/movie about a horse named Gypsy and Gypsy it was. He was sorrel with a white blaze down his face and 4 white socks; he looked just like his sire, The Last Sip, only not as muscular or tall. He was a beautiful shade of red; in fact, a friend of mine who has red hair put her hair in with his mane one day and we were both amazed at the match. Anyway, I digress; he was beautiful and he was mine. Now on with the story.

On one particular day of tying Gypsy out so he could eat at the grass lead to near fatal disaster. Like his father, Gypsy liked to paw. He would paw the ground, the stall, the fence, the name it and he pawed at it. I left him to graze and went off about doing chores and exploring the woods of the farm. When I got back to move Gypsy I couldn't see him as I was walking up the path. Confusion set in. Did someone move him? Did he pull free? As I got closer I could see a shape on the ground floor that did not belong and it suddenly clicked that it was Gypsy's form lying motionless on the path. I ran over to him and he looked up at me unmoving with labored breathing and although I was panicking and still not aware of what had happened I knew that I HAD to get him up. I pulled and pulled at his halter and screamed at him to get up.

Finally, he gathered his strength and got up on all fours and I started moving with him out of the woods. It was at this point that I noticed bees swarming around in the air all bothered and angry. I had unknowingly tied him next to a nest of ground bees and in his "impatientness" he started pawing and disturbed this nest of fury.

I don't recall what all we had to do for him medicinally but I do recall putting warm water in a 4 litre ice cream pail with something in it and soaking his feet one hoof at a time. The poison from the bees was seeping out just above his hooves. I also recall the fact that each and every time I put his feet in this water he sighed, like "Oh wow that feels SOOOO good.". That was the first time I can consiously remember knowing that bees would make nests in the ground; I think I was under the impression that they only made them in trees or on gutters or in the attic. It took an awful long time for me to stop feeling guilty; I think I bought him a lot of corn that year. It also took me a very long time to tether him to eat grass out there and never again at that tree; I also never stayed away very long from that point on.

Just a memory that popped into my head today. I love writing about them as I think of them; hopefully one day my kids and/or grandkids can appreciate the stories from when I was a kid. Hopefully you can get a little chuckle or even touch on nostalgia as I get them and write them down too.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Light at the end of the tunnel...?

As most of you know I have curly hair and I don't mean cute little Nicole Kidman curly hair. I mean I have a head of curly hair that is its own entity. I have spent my life hanging my head in shame, being called names and having hairdressers point out my hair to everyone in the salon. It has been a thorn in my side for my entire life. I have tried straightening it only for it to NEVER truly take and just wind up being more work to keep it straight than not. I have tried to keep it short and to be brutally honest it looks like lamb wool short and I HATE it! I have been trying to grow it long but it takes an eternity to grow.

Anyway, having a moment of I have no idea what to do with my hair for the upcoming special events in our lives this year (aka Billy and Natalie's wedding and Jenn's grad) I stayed up until 2:00 am searching the internet and found a site called Naturally Curly.

So far it hasn't given me the glorious answers but here's hoping that this community of fellow curly tops can give me the guidance and support I could use since there aren't many people around here who share my curly locks....

Above, see a not so good picture of me and see,not too clearly, what my hair looks like. Perhaps, if it is it's own entity, I should give it a name....taking suggestions..LOL.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Work to Live, Live to Work

The past 2 months have been chaos in this house to say the least, the very least. Last month Bill worked close to 30 hours over-time and this month he is all ready passed that. I am working every chance I can and, in fact, have taken on a new position at the hospital in Health Records. Once I am done my training it will be every Friday and every third Monday but for now it is Monday to Friday; this week it is for only four hours during the evening but the other three weeks it is 7-3, 8-4 kind of thing.

It feels like I am always working. Correction, it feels like WE are always working. I know that right now it is because we need the money and we do. We need to be able to get down to Billy and Natalie's wedding By the time all is said and done and I have a day or two off I am so exhausted that I don't want to do anything other than sleep and I am missing my friends...a lot. I get to see my kids and spend time with them at home but, we don't really do anything anymore and I want to change that. I have sat down and actually thought out things and days that we could turn into family traditions (last day of school, last day of summer vacation...)

I really think, in fact I know that I would love the Monday to Friday day job even if it were only 3 or 4 days a week so that I could be working and still have structured family time instead of not knowing when I will be working, if I will be working or if I should be sleeping because I am going to get called in for a 12 hour night shift. I am thinking that that is the cause for all my "stressed" feelings from the earlier post. I need structure; I need to know how many hours I am going to be working in two weeks so I can plan our budget. I need to know if I am going to be working on this day or that day so I can plan where my kids are going to go and not have to have a list of 5 people to see if one of them can babysit that day. I also want to know if I am going to be able to take them to piano lessons, dance classes and what not.

Hello, my name is Angela and I am a planaholic. I have been my entire life. I don't mean to be and I can't help it. I have no control; it controls me and I think I need help. If I can't plan it eats at me because I think I should be planning and I feel like I have no control. I have a certain need for control in my life and for those of you who know ALL about me you may remember that I had an eating disorder growing up and that is what that is about...control and seeking control in your life...

Seriously, I can't seem to get away from needing control of everything in my life...It certainly hinders me in one seriously important relationship; how do you give your life completely to God when you have these serious control issues...that is a thorn I just can't get out of my side.

Sort of having a a way

I am not feeling myself today. I am feeling almost lost but not quite because I know who I am and I know where I want to be but it seems like I may be taking some crazy steps to get there. I feel like a few of my attempts have me digging my heels in to get moving while a big hand is pushing against my forehead to hold me back. I don't seem to have the energy to do the things I know I should be doing and then walks in the guilt.

I feel a bit sad without knowing why I am sad with 100% certainty. I know I feel confused because it feels like some of my efforts are constantly being thwarted. All in all, though, I know things are good and I think this is the part that is blowing my mind. Why am I feeling sad, for lack of a better word because it isn't true sadness?

Perhaps we can chalk this one up to winter blues but it hasn't even really been that cold. Maybe I just need a beautiful, warm day where I can sit and soak in the sun...I just don't know.
Like I said, I am sort of having a a way and I really don't get it.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

And one with a twist

Here's what you do: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:
Seeking Solace
Pink Cupcake
Queen of West Procastination

Next select five people to tag (only if you wanna, no pressure):

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Well, 10 years ago Cherish and I were building our lives up again after leaving her dad the year or so before that. We were just forging a friendship with Bill and I was drinking way too much (sorry for the too much info but it is true). I was just at the point of reaching bottom and realizing that I needed to re-evaluate my life.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

A year ago, I was working nights at Boston Pizza darn near every day of the week and never having time for my friends or my family. Right now, I really feel like this has been the reason that my one friendship(a very close friendship) is appearing to be completely over and that hurts. I was also dealing with Billy moving off to Kansas and Hallie getting ready to start kindergarten. I had just quit my other part-time job at the care home because I was missing everyone that I love and Hallie was in the midst of bad dreams and was enduring a nightly ritual of bedwetting.

Five snacks you enjoy:

strawberries, grapes, melon etc with strawberry yogurt to dip it in.
breton crackers with dill pickle chip dip (a lot healthier than chips)
apples with peanut butter
garlic bread sticks with ranch dip
Crispys Tortilla chips (made out of rice) Salsa and sour cream flavored

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

Sin Met Grace by MidSouth Boys
This Kiss by Faith Hill
Don't Take The Girl by Tim McGraw
Don't Cry Daddy by Elvis
Daddy's Girl by Red Sovine
Ghost Riders in the Sky by Johnnie Cash
I could go on and on...and on and on...

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Buy a ranch with rustic but big and beautiful house complete with horses and barn
Fix up my brother and sister-in-law's farm for them (my childhood home)
Charity, charity, charity (aka missions of some sort)
Pay off Bill's student loan and all of our other debts
Give some money to my friends so they can do with it as they choose

Five bad habits:
Bite my lip, especially when I am nervous or stressed out.
I grind my teeth in my sleep.
I can sometimes take 3 hours to go get milk beause I get distracted by good sales.
I start cleaning or organizing projects 10 minutes before bed or having to go to work and then I never seem to get back to it.
I always pull down and at my shirt because I feel very self conscious about my stomach.

Five things you like doing:
Being with my friends and mostly, my family
Riding horses cross country or water all day...week...
Cross stitching
Working on my family tree

Five things you would never wear again:
A spandex black miniskirt
belly shirts
tapered ankle biting blue jeans that you need to pry on over your ankle (flashback to 1989)
my ex husband's wedding ring (lol...I had to add that one)
a freshly pressed polyester pants suit color baby pink (flashback kindergarten)

Favourite toys:
My camera
My sewing machine
Lite brite
brand new crayons (wax) and a brand new coloring book
a couple pieces of wood nailed together to float down the "river" (flooding from our dugout)-flashback my entire childhood

Yeah, I was tagged

So apparently I have been tagged by my dusty friend. Here we go...however, I think I am finally at the end of the tagging chain and I am not sure if there are anymore people to tag...

Four Jobs I've Had:
My current one at the Hospital as Housekeeper, Switchboard Operator and working in Health Records
Boston Pizza as a waitress (1 1/2 years)
Cashier at SuperStore (almost 3 years)
Home DayCare (4 years)

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over:
The Breakfast Club
Walk the Line
Old Yeller
Saving Private Ryan

Four Places I've Lived:
farm near Paddockwood

Four Shows I Like To Watch:
Extreme Makeover Home Edition
CSI Miami

Four Foods that I Like:
Barbequed Steak
special vermicilli
vietnamese spring rolls
hot and sour soup

Four Sites I Visit Everyday:

Four places I'd rather be right now:
Considering how frigging cold it is out there (feels like minus 50) i can think of tonnes of places
Puerto Rico
ah heck, anywhere where the temperature is above 15 celcius

Four Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
Go to Norway
Get out of debt
Finish my family tree book
sit in my rocking chair on my front porch, looking out at my pasture of horses with a good ole dog sitting at my feet and hearing the laughter of my children and or grandchildren

Four People I'm Tagging:
I think that is it...that's all I can come up with.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

One of "those" days

You ever have one of "those" days? C'mon, I know you have. My day was going pretty good and then I went out to get some pictures done at WalMart and I got a call from Rush that Aren had just gotten into the green food coloring while she was in the washroom. Okay, I'll deal with that. "Clean it up and clean what you can off of him," I told her, "I'll be home shortly." When I arrived home, thinking that some attempt had been made to clean this mess up, considering I had been gone close to 2 hours, I found Rush giving Aren a bath and that nothing had been done the entire time I was gone. I will give her that there had been a half hearted attempt to clean up said food coloring from the floor and that was about it. Their supper was still needing to be cleaned up as well as the book I had asked her to put away 2 1/2 hours ago. Hallie and Aren had made a significant mess in the living room with toys and there are not supposed to be toys in the living room.

Needless to say that I am NOT amused however, I will get over it once my hands are no longer stained green. Perhaps sooner than that because he is a cute boy and he is a typical boy and Rush is at "THAT" age...

By the is the frog...

Hallie has not noticed and so I have not had to have the terrible task of informing her. The frog scene was not a pretty one as the shrimp had gotten to him before he realized he had died and they were contributing to cleaning up the tank. Yuck!

I am S..O.. proud

Ok, so I don't have the time to post anything in almost a month and now I am on my third today. Ah, I'm making up for lost time.

I just wanted to take this time to let you all know that I am so proud of Jenn at this moment. Well, not just this moment but this moment in particular. I just got the mail a little while ago and in it was a letter from her school informing us that Jenn has made the Honor Roll last semester. For those of you who don't really know and for those of you who don't recall, this means that Jenn has been on the Honor Roll (sometimes Honors with Great Distinction) 7 times out of 7 semesters of high school. There is one more semester to go but know matter what happen, I just want to go on the record saying that I am very proud of the young woman that Jenn has become and that I have watched develop and have gotten the priveledge of helping to mold. Jenn, you rock!!!

Rink Rats

How many of us have grown up skating as a favored winter past-time? I was lucky enough to grow up on a farm and we spent our winter days shoveling off our dug-out so that we could skate on it. My sister and I also began skating at the rink in beginner figure skating and soon decided we would like to join the ranks of ringette instead; my brother was a hockey player and there is just something magical about the rink when you are a kid. We spent countless weekends at the rink (or out on our own ice) for tournaments and that meant hot chocolate, rink burgers (mmmm) and the "transfattiest" fries in the world.

We have started skating again. It had been years for both Bill & I and we both enjoyed it very much as children. Bill laughed at me but there is nothing like being outside on the ice on a beautiful winter day hearing the laughter of people, the shouts of kids playing hockey, the sound of the puck bouncing off the boards and the sound of your skate blades cutting through the ice. Oh, that sound, that glorious, glorious is invigorating.

Anyway, here are some pictures of our favorite winter hobby.

I'm hoping we can get out a lot more this year, especially as a family. Aren doesn't have skates yet but, he still has fun "skating" on the ice.

Somebody hand me my walker...

I don't think I have ever felt this old in my entire life...EVER! I took Rush to get her hair cut today and she transformed into a girl teetering on the edge of growing up to jumping in with both feet and frolicking in the water of "I look way too old". Is it not bad enough that we are in the midst of preparing for a wedding AND yet another grad? What more do these kids plan to put us through? How much more are we supposed to endure? Upon seeing the new 'do, I told Rush that if she keeps it up I may have to kill her (and as she so coyly added, correctly, so I can clone her and keep her this age forever....)

So, here is before....

and after we think about the song that says "I'm 16 for a moment...." and we all think about how I am sobbing quietly to myself "she's only 12 for a moment...." before bursting into full-blown, body-wrenching sobs

The after shots....

I find some reassurance in knowing that she is not just 12; she IS 12 and a HALF!!! That means she is almost 13...

...Wait a minute...I don't really think that helped much...