A Look at my Character

Over brunch yesterday, BigB & I were talking about character, in particular, my character. Now, it wasn't a bad conversation; we were having fun and laughing about it the whole time...jokingly discussion truths, I suppose.

So, my character, according to BigB is an (and I use a made-up word) uncontentable, treehugging, hypocritical vigal ante. Now, let me disect these for you because there is so much to what was said than meets the eye. I am uncontentable because I long to live on a farm just raising my children and caring for the farm in general however, having said that if I were on a farm, I would be fretting because I wasn't working and therefore, not contributing to the family. I am treehugging because more often than not I have more compassion for animals (and the environment) than people; my reasoning behind that, people can "chose" their own destiny-animals and the environment are at the destiny of peoples choices. I am a hypocrit because while I feel this way about the environment I would love to spend the afternoon 4x4ing through the mud in a huge gas guzzling truck and then go home to relax in my log house. (Heh, if you replenish the resources you use...). I am a vigil ante (spelling) because I am overly protective of my family and friends.

There you have it, my character, in a nutshell, according to BigB. I may add to this post but I am on my way to work and need to finish it now. Goodbye and have a great day.

Sincerely
The uncontentable, treehugging, hypocritical, vigal ante....

Spur of the moment

Bug needed a spur of the moment bath. You know the ones I am talking about; every parent does. Those baths that are simply much easier than trying to wipe the child off from whatever it is that they got into and whatever mess they made with it.

Today's spur of the moment bath was courtesy of Bug trying very, very hard to start going to the bathroom by himself. He felt the need to do some business. The urge was stronger than he was and began in his pull up. Not wanting to ask for help, my son pulled his pull up off, smeared his bum up onto the seat, had a little pee and smeared his bum off of the seat. (I need to interject here and tell you that only minutes ago I had finished cleaning the toilet!) Needless to say, he came running out of the bathroom covered in poop. As we (J & I) got him back to the bathroom, we noticed poop smeared up and down the toilet and on the floor.

This is what resulted in his spur of the moment bath. I love potty training(being a twit). I love motherhood. (and I am not being a twit about THAT. Yes, it was a smelly mess to clean up but, it was kind of cute and admirable the way Mr. Magoo went about it. Can't be mad about that...)

Id seems I hab a code in mah node

Last night I felt fine, maybe a little sluggish but good. I was awake this morning at about 6 by work calling to see if I would work a 12 hour day and there was no way I was going to go when I answered the phone saying far too many "d's".

This is actually the first time this winter I have been sick. I have had days where I have not felt great or just felt under the weather (aside from my headaches/migraines) but I am incredibely impressed. Normally I am the one who gets sick at the mere mention of flu or cold or what have you. Horray for me; perhaps my immune system is actually kicking up a notch.

My son smells really good

Bug is an avid teeth brusher. He LOVES to brush his teeth so this morning I got him all set up to brush his teeth and went back to do some chores. He took a really long time but that is not unusual, like I said, he loves to brush his teeth. A nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach had me go in and check up on him. There stood my son on his little stool with my brand new jar of expensive hair conditioner; it was all over his hair, his face and his hands. Fighting the urge to be mad at him, I went and grabbed the camera (to satisfy my scrapbook page planning addiction), shot a couple of pictures (still on my camera so I can't put them on here yet) and began to wipe him off. A bath is in the very fore-seeable future for him as I can't get it out of his hair but boy, does he smell nice and his skin is really, really, really soft....

Just a little snowed in. I don't think they'll be going anywhere for awhile.














There are huge icicles hanging from all the buildings. This is just the shed from across the back alley but some of the stores have incredible icicles hanging half way down their buildings.












The tow truck drivers have been incredibly busy this year. They are quite happy about the snow however, one day even the tow trucks weren't allowed on the highways the snow was so bad. The RCMP were kicking everyone off. There have been loaded tractor trailers flipped over in ditches and jack knifed on city streets even.

A Glance at This Winter (LilB this is for you, so you believe it)

The last 3 weeks we have gotten so much snow that it is hard to believe it will ever end. I have seen more people stuck in front of my house in the last 3 weeks than in the last 5 years. I have been stuck more in the last 3 weeks than in all the years since I got my learner's license. I have not seen this much snow since I was a kid and I was reminded of my childhood by my brother the other day when he told me he saw his 2 sons walking around the farm yard sucking on an icicle. Anyway, let's have a glance at out winter in pictures...



This picture was taken February 12 in our backyard. You can see the entire fence and there isn't much snow in the rest of the yard either.










This one was taken on March 1.













This one was taken just this weekend. The snow, although being a heap load of fun if you resort back to childhood ways and games, has been a great source of exercise for our town. We have spent more time shovelling and pushing out our neighbors than not. This last Saturday we shovelled our walkways 3 times just to try to keep up so that we could walk on said walkway and we still weren't able to keep up. A lot are complaining, and yes it is enough all ready, but it really is a lot of fun.

Can You Believe It?

It is all ready March 12. I can't believe it! Where is this year going?! LilB and DearN will be married in less than 2 months! I am so excited! Not only do we get to have a little bit of a break and a holiday but we get to see our oldest son get married to a wonderful girl. We are so excited to officially call her our daughter and welcome her into our family. We all love her so much. We can't, however, call her our daughter yet because Jellybean is insisting that that is a rule and she can't be called Jellybean's sister until LilB marries her (even though she is the most excited to have DearN as her sister).

A little over a month after the big wedding, we get to watch J graduate from high school and move on to another phase of her life as well. (All these kids moving on to different life phases is enough for me to need a vacation...) It has been very emotional for me. I think of when I first met these kids; LilB was barely 11, J 9, Tuff 3 and BabyK was only a few months. What are they doing now? LilB is off getting married and beginning a new chapter of his life; J is graduating and off to a new chapter in her life. Rush is 12 now and I think of how quickly the years passed from when LilB was 12 and the tears start to surface because I think of how he is now off in a different country and beginning a family of his own.

Time has such a way of playing tricks on us parents. As children the days dragged on and on; summer vacation seemed an eternity away, Christmas even farther. Now, the days melt into years and our babies are adults when they should only be 5.

Now that I am a blubbering mess I need to stop, pull myself together and get some work done because time has a way of slipping away before we get all we need to done.

Preteen Angst

I now have a greater respect for what I put my parents through and I all ready thought that I had come to appreciate it. I am especially appreciating what my dad went through raising a couple of preteen/teen girls. He, being a man, would not understand what we were going through like my mom would have.

Rush has reached that part of her life; now, I am not talking about anything other than the hormonal imbalances that woman have gone through for as long as we can remember. She is moody at times, cranky, angry,cranky, sad, cranky...did I mention cranky? She is a bundle of emotions that brew in her body and we never really know which one is going to come out next.

It's a hard part of life: confusion, emotions, just trying to deal with it all.

Today, BigB was tickling her feet and one minute she was laughing and having a great time-the next, tears. BigB sent her downstairs to see what Jellybean and Bug were up to and she came back upstairs crying. Why? They were sitting on her bed and playing her keyboard. Hormones? I think so.

Anyway, we are in the midst of a tornado of emotions around this place so keep Rush in her prayers as she goes through this preteen angst.

Parent's Night

Today after work I got to watch Jellybean in ballet class; it was so great. I missed the first parent's night because of work so getting to make it to this one was exciting for both, Jellybean and I. I was rescheduled at work for this week to a time where I wouldn't be able to make it so I talked to my boss and we worked it all out; I went in an hour early and left an hour early, ran to get the kids, dropped Bug off and grabbed the video camera.

It was so incredible watching her do something that she loves so much that she, a lot of the time, forgot I was even there watching. Seeing the concentration on her face as she tried mastering the exercises her teacher was getting them to do did my heart a world of good.

I got her class on video plus I managed to take a few still shots at the same time. Of all the things I have accomplished in my life, multitasking has turned out to be one of the most useful so is becoming somewhat ambidextrous (not completely but somewhat). Anyway, I managed to capture a picture that I think turned out pretty cool with the motion and all. Take a look. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

The "real" world

Last week I began my training in Health Records; I was pretty nervous before my first day,thinking that I was probably not qualified and just had the first day jitters. The desk I trained on last week was a pretty good desk and it was a nice ease into what happens in this busy, somewhat chaotic part of the hospital. I had a 4 hour evening shift, 4:30-8:30. Tomorrow I begin training on another desk; I get training on 4 desks total. I start at 7:30 am and I am done at 4:00 pm. The week after I start at 7:00 am and am finished at 3:30 pm and the week after that 7:30 am and 4:30 pm.

I must say that I am really looking forward to being able to work during the day and come and be home with my family when they are here. Having a few evenings free is going to be great too because maybe, just maybe we can throw in a coffee or some such visit with a freind or two.

There are 2 relief positions in Health Records that I am going to apply for to see if I get one. They are busy enough that I may be able to get a lot of day shifts. We are interviewing a babysitter on Tuesday evening, one that comes highly recommended. I have been spoiled and extremely blessed having a very good friend watch the kids for me. However, she is returning to work in a couple of days and between that, her music lessons and her kids, I do want her to have a bit of a life. So I am trying to find a way that I won't really need to burden her with 7:00 am calls to babysit...nothing screams friendship ender louder than waking them up too many times from a great sleep...(wink).

Well, I guess we will see how it goes but it does look very, very promising that this lady will work out. She is even able to pick Jellybean up from school so we won't even have to worry about that. However, I am not going to get too excited; in fact, I am kind of nervous. It is really easy to trust my kids to a friend and someone I know is a great person and a great mom. It's a little harder to let them go to strangers.

Pray for wisdom and guidance when we do interview this lady. She doess come highly recommended...

But it is time for me to make my lunch and head off to bed...

Knock Knock. Who's there? Ground Bees. Ground bees who...?

Waves of long, green blades of grass meant I could "spoil" my horse, Gypsy, a bit and tether him to a tree to graze on the sweet grass that wove around the trees we had growing in by the side of the barnyard. Gypsy was my pride and joy, my first "real" horse (meaning not pony) and was a horse that I had helped with from his very beginnings in this world.

He was born at our neighbor's farm less than a mile away and I was with him nearly every day of his life until I outgrew him. He was born with a twisted leg, windswept it's called and he wasn't very fast and that made him the "runt" of the foals that year. I had a soft spot for him. I have always favored the ones that seemed to need the most love and those that seemed to be in a position where they would be overlooked. These were the animals I fell in love with, that I took home and that I made time for.

I would go to my neighbor's and play with him, brush him, lead him while he was being halter trained...whatever I could do with Gypsy, whenever I could I was there.

I never thought I would own him, never. Her horses always went for more than we could afford but one day, I even think it was a Friday because my sister had a friend come home on the bus with us, Dad met me at the door and told me, in quite a stern voice, that he was sick of me not cleaning up after my animals when I had them in the barn. After me trying to tell him that I had cleaned up after Dusty, my pony, he said something to the effect of "let's prove it". We walked what seemed like miles to get to the barn and I was so afraid that I had forgotten or that I was, indeed, in trouble. The moment seemed an eternity as Dad opened the barn door and showed me how I had not cleaned up after my animal and there before me stood Gypsy. He turned and looked as the door opened, his soft brown eyes smiling at me and he was mine.

His registered name was High Class Sip and up until that point he was called Classy. However, that didn't seem to suit the horse of an unclassy, tomboy teenybopper. I had just finished watching a show/movie about a horse named Gypsy and Gypsy it was. He was sorrel with a white blaze down his face and 4 white socks; he looked just like his sire, The Last Sip, only not as muscular or tall. He was a beautiful shade of red; in fact, a friend of mine who has red hair put her hair in with his mane one day and we were both amazed at the match. Anyway, I digress; he was beautiful and he was mine. Now on with the story.

On one particular day of tying Gypsy out so he could eat at the grass lead to near fatal disaster. Like his father, Gypsy liked to paw. He would paw the ground, the stall, the fence, the trailer...you name it and he pawed at it. I left him to graze and went off about doing chores and exploring the woods of the farm. When I got back to move Gypsy I couldn't see him as I was walking up the path. Confusion set in. Did someone move him? Did he pull free? As I got closer I could see a shape on the ground floor that did not belong and it suddenly clicked that it was Gypsy's form lying motionless on the path. I ran over to him and he looked up at me unmoving with labored breathing and although I was panicking and still not aware of what had happened I knew that I HAD to get him up. I pulled and pulled at his halter and screamed at him to get up.

Finally, he gathered his strength and got up on all fours and I started moving with him out of the woods. It was at this point that I noticed bees swarming around in the air all bothered and angry. I had unknowingly tied him next to a nest of ground bees and in his "impatientness" he started pawing and disturbed this nest of fury.

I don't recall what all we had to do for him medicinally but I do recall putting warm water in a 4 litre ice cream pail with something in it and soaking his feet one hoof at a time. The poison from the bees was seeping out just above his hooves. I also recall the fact that each and every time I put his feet in this water he sighed, like "Oh wow that feels SOOOO good.". That was the first time I can consiously remember knowing that bees would make nests in the ground; I think I was under the impression that they only made them in trees or on gutters or in the attic. It took an awful long time for me to stop feeling guilty; I think I bought him a lot of corn that year. It also took me a very long time to tether him to eat grass out there and never again at that tree; I also never stayed away very long from that point on.

Just a memory that popped into my head today. I love writing about them as I think of them; hopefully one day my kids and/or grandkids can appreciate the stories from when I was a kid. Hopefully you can get a little chuckle or even touch on nostalgia as I get them and write them down too.

Light at the end of the tunnel...?

As most of you know I have curly hair and I don't mean cute little Nicole Kidman curly hair. I mean I have a head of curly hair that is its own entity. I have spent my life hanging my head in shame, being called names and having hairdressers point out my hair to everyone in the salon. It has been a thorn in my side for my entire life. I have tried straightening it only for it to NEVER truly take and just wind up being more work to keep it straight than not. I have tried to keep it short and to be brutally honest it looks like lamb wool short and I HATE it! I have been trying to grow it long but it takes an eternity to grow.

Anyway, having a moment of I have no idea what to do with my hair for the upcoming special events in our lives this year (aka Billy and Natalie's wedding and Jenn's grad) I stayed up until 2:00 am searching the internet and found a site called Naturally Curly.

So far it hasn't given me the glorious answers but here's hoping that this community of fellow curly tops can give me the guidance and support I could use since there aren't many people around here who share my curly locks....



Above, see a not so good picture of me and see,not too clearly, what my hair looks like. Perhaps, if it is it's own entity, I should give it a name....taking suggestions..LOL.

Work to Live, Live to Work

The past 2 months have been chaos in this house to say the least, the very least. Last month Bill worked close to 30 hours over-time and this month he is all ready passed that. I am working every chance I can and, in fact, have taken on a new position at the hospital in Health Records. Once I am done my training it will be every Friday and every third Monday but for now it is Monday to Friday; this week it is for only four hours during the evening but the other three weeks it is 7-3, 8-4 kind of thing.

It feels like I am always working. Correction, it feels like WE are always working. I know that right now it is because we need the money and we do. We need to be able to get down to Billy and Natalie's wedding By the time all is said and done and I have a day or two off I am so exhausted that I don't want to do anything other than sleep and I am missing my friends...a lot. I get to see my kids and spend time with them at home but, we don't really do anything anymore and I want to change that. I have sat down and actually thought out things and days that we could turn into family traditions (last day of school, last day of summer vacation...)

I really think, in fact I know that I would love the Monday to Friday day job even if it were only 3 or 4 days a week so that I could be working and still have structured family time instead of not knowing when I will be working, if I will be working or if I should be sleeping because I am going to get called in for a 12 hour night shift. I am thinking that that is the cause for all my "stressed" feelings from the earlier post. I need structure; I need to know how many hours I am going to be working in two weeks so I can plan our budget. I need to know if I am going to be working on this day or that day so I can plan where my kids are going to go and not have to have a list of 5 people to see if one of them can babysit that day. I also want to know if I am going to be able to take them to piano lessons, dance classes and what not.

Hello, my name is Angela and I am a planaholic. I have been my entire life. I don't mean to be and I can't help it. I have no control; it controls me and I think I need help. If I can't plan it eats at me because I think I should be planning and I feel like I have no control. I have a certain need for control in my life and for those of you who know ALL about me you may remember that I had an eating disorder growing up and that is what that is about...control and seeking control in your life...

Seriously, I can't seem to get away from needing control of everything in my life...It certainly hinders me in one seriously important relationship; how do you give your life completely to God when you have these serious control issues...that is a thorn I just can't get out of my side.

Sort of having a moment...in a way

I am not feeling myself today. I am feeling almost lost but not quite because I know who I am and I know where I want to be but it seems like I may be taking some crazy steps to get there. I feel like a few of my attempts have me digging my heels in to get moving while a big hand is pushing against my forehead to hold me back. I don't seem to have the energy to do the things I know I should be doing and then walks in the guilt.

I feel a bit sad without knowing why I am sad with 100% certainty. I know I feel confused because it feels like some of my efforts are constantly being thwarted. All in all, though, I know things are good and I think this is the part that is blowing my mind. Why am I feeling sad, for lack of a better word because it isn't true sadness?

Perhaps we can chalk this one up to winter blues but it hasn't even really been that cold. Maybe I just need a beautiful, warm day where I can sit and soak in the sun...I just don't know.
Like I said, I am sort of having a moment...in a way and I really don't get it.

And one with a twist

Here's what you do: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:
Seeking Solace
Pink Cupcake
Queen of West Procastination
Vandermeander
Lovemom

Next select five people to tag (only if you wanna, no pressure):
DustyClodfletter
Paula
Dominique
Tanya
Candice

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Well, 10 years ago Cherish and I were building our lives up again after leaving her dad the year or so before that. We were just forging a friendship with Bill and I was drinking way too much (sorry for the too much info but it is true). I was just at the point of reaching bottom and realizing that I needed to re-evaluate my life.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

A year ago, I was working nights at Boston Pizza darn near every day of the week and never having time for my friends or my family. Right now, I really feel like this has been the reason that my one friendship(a very close friendship) is appearing to be completely over and that hurts. I was also dealing with Billy moving off to Kansas and Hallie getting ready to start kindergarten. I had just quit my other part-time job at the care home because I was missing everyone that I love and Hallie was in the midst of bad dreams and was enduring a nightly ritual of bedwetting.

Five snacks you enjoy:

strawberries, grapes, melon etc with strawberry yogurt to dip it in.
breton crackers with dill pickle chip dip (a lot healthier than chips)
apples with peanut butter
garlic bread sticks with ranch dip
Crispys Tortilla chips (made out of rice) Salsa and sour cream flavored

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

Sin Met Grace by MidSouth Boys
This Kiss by Faith Hill
Don't Take The Girl by Tim McGraw
Don't Cry Daddy by Elvis
Daddy's Girl by Red Sovine
Ghost Riders in the Sky by Johnnie Cash
I could go on and on...and on and on...

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Buy a ranch with rustic but big and beautiful house complete with horses and barn
Fix up my brother and sister-in-law's farm for them (my childhood home)
Charity, charity, charity (aka missions of some sort)
Pay off Bill's student loan and all of our other debts
Give some money to my friends so they can do with it as they choose

Five bad habits:
Bite my lip, especially when I am nervous or stressed out.
I grind my teeth in my sleep.
I can sometimes take 3 hours to go get milk beause I get distracted by good sales.
I start cleaning or organizing projects 10 minutes before bed or having to go to work and then I never seem to get back to it.
I always pull down and at my shirt because I feel very self conscious about my stomach.

Five things you like doing:
Being with my friends and mostly, my family
Riding horses cross country or water all day...week...
Cross stitching
Working on my family tree
Scrapbooking

Five things you would never wear again:
A spandex black miniskirt
belly shirts
tapered ankle biting blue jeans that you need to pry on over your ankle (flashback to 1989)
my ex husband's wedding ring (lol...I had to add that one)
a freshly pressed polyester pants suit color baby pink (flashback kindergarten)

Favourite toys:
My camera
My sewing machine
Lite brite
brand new crayons (wax) and a brand new coloring book
a couple pieces of wood nailed together to float down the "river" (flooding from our dugout)-flashback my entire childhood

Yeah, I was tagged

So apparently I have been tagged by my dusty friend. Here we go...however, I think I am finally at the end of the tagging chain and I am not sure if there are anymore people to tag...

Four Jobs I've Had:
My current one at the Hospital as Housekeeper, Switchboard Operator and working in Health Records
Boston Pizza as a waitress (1 1/2 years)
Cashier at SuperStore (almost 3 years)
Home DayCare (4 years)

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over:
The Breakfast Club
Walk the Line
Old Yeller
Saving Private Ryan

Four Places I've Lived:
here
farm near Paddockwood
Regina
Saskatoon

Four Shows I Like To Watch:
Extreme Makeover Home Edition
CSI
CSI Miami
Friends

Four Foods that I Like:
Barbequed Steak
special vermicilli
vietnamese spring rolls
hot and sour soup

Four Sites I Visit Everyday:
Dixie
Dusty
Marc
Candice

Four places I'd rather be right now:
Considering how frigging cold it is out there (feels like minus 50) i can think of tonnes of places
Bahamas
Carribean
Puerto Rico
Dominican
ah heck, anywhere where the temperature is above 15 celcius

Four Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
Go to Norway
Get out of debt
Finish my family tree book
sit in my rocking chair on my front porch, looking out at my pasture of horses with a good ole dog sitting at my feet and hearing the laughter of my children and or grandchildren

Four People I'm Tagging:
Dominique
Candice
Paula
I think that is it...that's all I can come up with.

One of "those" days

You ever have one of "those" days? C'mon, I know you have. My day was going pretty good and then I went out to get some pictures done at WalMart and I got a call from Rush that Aren had just gotten into the green food coloring while she was in the washroom. Okay, I'll deal with that. "Clean it up and clean what you can off of him," I told her, "I'll be home shortly." When I arrived home, thinking that some attempt had been made to clean this mess up, considering I had been gone close to 2 hours, I found Rush giving Aren a bath and that nothing had been done the entire time I was gone. I will give her that there had been a half hearted attempt to clean up said food coloring from the floor and that was about it. Their supper was still needing to be cleaned up as well as the book I had asked her to put away 2 1/2 hours ago. Hallie and Aren had made a significant mess in the living room with toys and there are not supposed to be toys in the living room.

Needless to say that I am NOT amused however, I will get over it once my hands are no longer stained green. Perhaps sooner than that because he is a cute boy and he is a typical boy and Rush is at "THAT" age...

By the way...so is the frog...

Hallie has not noticed and so I have not had to have the terrible task of informing her. The frog scene was not a pretty one as the shrimp had gotten to him before he realized he had died and they were contributing to cleaning up the tank. Yuck!

I am S..O.. proud

Ok, so I don't have the time to post anything in almost a month and now I am on my third today. Ah, I'm making up for lost time.

I just wanted to take this time to let you all know that I am so proud of Jenn at this moment. Well, not just this moment but this moment in particular. I just got the mail a little while ago and in it was a letter from her school informing us that Jenn has made the Honor Roll last semester. For those of you who don't really know and for those of you who don't recall, this means that Jenn has been on the Honor Roll (sometimes Honors with Great Distinction) 7 times out of 7 semesters of high school. There is one more semester to go but know matter what happen, I just want to go on the record saying that I am very proud of the young woman that Jenn has become and that I have watched develop and have gotten the priveledge of helping to mold. Jenn, you rock!!!

Rink Rats

How many of us have grown up skating as a favored winter past-time? I was lucky enough to grow up on a farm and we spent our winter days shoveling off our dug-out so that we could skate on it. My sister and I also began skating at the rink in beginner figure skating and soon decided we would like to join the ranks of ringette instead; my brother was a hockey player and there is just something magical about the rink when you are a kid. We spent countless weekends at the rink (or out on our own ice) for tournaments and that meant hot chocolate, rink burgers (mmmm) and the "transfattiest" fries in the world.

We have started skating again. It had been years for both Bill & I and we both enjoyed it very much as children. Bill laughed at me but there is nothing like being outside on the ice on a beautiful winter day hearing the laughter of people, the shouts of kids playing hockey, the sound of the puck bouncing off the boards and the sound of your skate blades cutting through the ice. Oh, that sound, that glorious, glorious sound...it is invigorating.

Anyway, here are some pictures of our favorite winter hobby.

I'm hoping we can get out a lot more this year, especially as a family. Aren doesn't have skates yet but, he still has fun "skating" on the ice.

Somebody hand me my walker...

I don't think I have ever felt this old in my entire life...EVER! I took Rush to get her hair cut today and she transformed into a girl teetering on the edge of growing up to jumping in with both feet and frolicking in the water of "I look way too old". Is it not bad enough that we are in the midst of preparing for a wedding AND yet another grad? What more do these kids plan to put us through? How much more are we supposed to endure? Upon seeing the new 'do, I told Rush that if she keeps it up I may have to kill her (and as she so coyly added, correctly, so I can clone her and keep her this age forever....)



So, here is before....









and after we think about the song that says "I'm 16 for a moment...." and we all think about how I am sobbing quietly to myself "she's only 12 for a moment...." before bursting into full-blown, body-wrenching sobs

The after shots....

I find some reassurance in knowing that she is not just 12; she IS 12 and a HALF!!! That means she is almost 13...

...Wait a minute...I don't really think that helped much...

The new snail is dead...

I repeat the new snail is dead however, I have managed to avoid a nuclear meltdown by saying the she COULD possibly be sleeping. Apparently, she is a VERY tired snail.

Definitely NOT a morning person

Here I sit, 6:30 A.M., eating a bowl of packaged, instant oatmeal that leaves me desiring, well, the real stuff. However, not being a morning person I can't seem to wrap my brain into being concious enough to do that-perhaps if it were 8 or 9. Why on earth am I up at this hour? Why? Oh yeah, someone decided we needed to work for a living instead of just being cute (* grin *).

I don't think I would be quite so tired but it has been a busy few days at work. I went there for a shift Thursday night and left agreeing to work everyday since up to and including today. Thursday I was cleaning all the discharges and did 12 rooms (after 11 they tell you that you don't have to clean the room completely), Friday night I did 19 and last night, thankfully, I only had 8. This was all on top of cleaning the lab. Now, don't get me wrong, the work was great (perhaps a bit stressful on Friday and I did threaten to cry if I got one more phone call but...); being busy like that really makes the night fly by. The thing that I don't like is coming home from work at 11:45 P.M. and needing to be back at work for 7:30 A.M. the next day.

It is my own fault though; I agreed. Technically I agreed to a Sunday night shift but I couldn't work it as we are celebrating Jenn's 18th birthday today; so, I switched shifts with someone. Ah, once I get there and wake up a bit I will be fine.

Really though, I don't think I have EVER been a morning person. I will clean house at 1 and 2 in the morning. Usually I blog and surf at night too. My jobs have been mainly night jobs. Bill on the other hand is a morning person and a few years ago, one of those incredibly annoying morning people. More often than not I wanted to shoot him when he came bounding into the room gleefully screaming "Get up! Get up! It's a beautiful morning!" while bouncing on the bed. Yeah, one thing to say to that, "Bang!!".

I have to admit, I think I am getting better. I have managed to make a coherent sentence or two while writing this and I think I even spelled coherent correctly. I do think, in retrospect, that this is the reason I never passed my grade 12 math...it was first thing in the morning!!! I failed, not because I didn't understand, gave up and refused to apply myself or even try anymore; I failed because it was a conspiracy against me, from the very beginning, by the school's administration. Yeah...that's it...

Anyway, see you everyone and have a great day. (I am so wishing I could phone a couple of my friends and say "Get up! Get up! It's a beautiful morning!" but, I would REALLY like to keep them as my friends so I think I will pass.)

Good News on the Home Front

I phoned my claims adjuster today about the van because I hadn't heard anything and it had been 2 weeks since I had reported it. As you may remember, the guy who hit me had 7 days to respond to her letter to report his side of the story (and if you didn't remember, pay more attention. *grin*). Anywho, I called her and left a message and by noon she had called me back stating that the gentleman who hit me was indeed a gentleman and admitted 100% liability. Whew!!! As soon as I get my letter from her stating my liability is clear I will be taking my van to my cousin's body shop to be fixed. I was surprised to learn that while the van is in for repair that I will also be getting a rental car, for free, for 2 days.

Thank God. I was a little stressed out about it because, sure, the van is drivable but I don't want it looking like that and I am going to have to replace my windshield sooner than later as the chip I got (and fixed at the window repair place) has decided to resurface during the cold weather and also decided to begin spidering across the window. This leads me to believe it will grow by leaps and bounds once we get our COLD weather. As a side note, I got the darn chip from a truck driver throwing rocks while driving too fast on a gravel road. Sheesh!

It is an honor to have someone named after you...

We had a snail that we were given and it was HUGE (as far as snails go, I guess). I think we would have been hard pressed to get it into a glass, if we had wanted to. This snail originally began its life with our family named after Billy; the kids felt it appropriate because they saw the snail "trip", so to speak. After my grandma got sick they felt the need to change the snail's name to Freddy (my grandma's nickname). A few days ago I discovered Freddy was missing and searched through the tank for him, er, her, er, it. I found Freddy stuck, wedged actually, in the bottom of the log we have in the tank. Apparently the top was big enough for him to get in but there was no way for the dear thing to get out. Freddy was deceased and Hallie, especially, was devestated.

Hallie decided that this meant that Grandma was going to die too. After trying to reason with her that that had no bearing on Grandma living or dying, I told her that snails were very useful in our tank to help keep it clean and she could help me pick out a new one and could name it if she wanted. She decided on Freddy 2 and thought it was great that she could choose the snail.

We went to WalMart two days ago to make the purchase and Hallie was having a day where she missed Billy and Natalie a lot. We picked out a snail and I somehow got rouked(spelling?) into buying a little frog. (In my defense, he is a cute little thing.)

Hallie knows that she is named after my Grandpa, her Uncle Shawn and her Uncle Perry. She also knows that Aren is named after my Grandma, my dad and his brother, Daniel. We have told her it is because these people she was named after are very special to us.

This became her logic in naming our new snail and our frog. It is my privelege to introduce to you the newest two members of our family (and no, I don't have pictures) Billy the Frog and Baby Natalie the Black Mystery Snail. (Yes, it is called a Black Mystery Snail.)

So, Billy...Natalie...know that you are loved enough to have some cute little underwater creatures named after you. And I just pray to God that these guys don't expire in the next little while.

Take a gander...

...at what $1300.00 will get you.

It still completely floors me that it is going to cost that much in repairs to fix this thing. Thank God for insurance and keep praying that this man 'fesses up to his responsibility and he can pay the deductible.

The fear of hockey...players

Hallie and I went out, just the two of us and got a couple of ice creams and while we were enjoying them a young hockey player came into the store, about 10 years old. Hallie immediately figured he was mean and was planning on hurting her because of her episode with Mr. PunkBrat a few days ago at the rink. I tried to explain to her that not all hockey players are mean or are jerks. She didn't really want to believe me, perhaps her experience combined with the experiences she has heard that I have had with our local hockey team put up a little road block in her mind from accepting this as truth.

We asked her if Daddy, Marc, Pastor Shane or Uncle Shawn were mean and she confidently replied "No!". I think it sunk in when we then told her that they were all hockey players and still do enjoy hockey.

If that doesn't work I may show her the footage of Mr. Mark Messier's emotional hockey moment today. What a great guy! What a role model that some unmentioned hockey players should look to for inspiration and for how to truly play the game.

Excuse me, Sir, I must have fluff in my ear

You know, just like Winnie the Pooh...?

I went to the claims assessor tonight to assess the damage on the van. I think I may have lost consiousness for just a minute when he told me how much damage that guy caused because he was in too big of a hurry to use his mirrors!!!! MY only prayer is that this gentleman is a gentleman and tells the truth when he is forced to fill out a report. The damage from his hitch is $1300!!!!!! I could buy a car for that. That would pay for a trip to Kansas!!! Like for Billy's wedding! $1300!!!


$1300....

I am in absolute shock!

$1300......

A Little Tee'd Off..But I Should Get Over It

I got called into work this morning and after completely waking up and getting over the "my original plans for the day have been ruined" mood I created for myself, I got myslef and Aren ready and headed off to the sitter and then to work. My day went really well aside from the fact that I didn't have time to make my lunch and was forced to eat hospital cafeteria food which was particularily disgusting today. I made a new friend, two actually. I was working in the senior's home which is part of the hospital and one little old lady, who seemed to have an aversion to the nurses today, wanted me to give her a laxative and only me. I gently pursuaded her that she (and her butt) would be better off if we got someone who knew what they were doing and off I went to clean rooms. As I was just finishing my shift my second new friend, another elderly lady, called me over to her chair where she grabbed my nametag, which was firmly affixed around my neck, pulled me down, gave me a big kiss on the cheek and proceeded to tell me that I was so sweet to visit her and that she loved me so much. (Sad that she got that much enjoyment from a "forced" visit from a stranger and I wondered if her family came to visit her much; I also wondered if my grandfather had been that lonely when he was in there and that made me feel close to heartbroken.)

I found out that I wouldn't be getting called in any more this week (exluding the shifts I all ready know about) as I am maxed out on my hours. It is nice to know that I won't be getting any calls first thing in the morning and that I won't have my mind racing to quickly figure out what day and time it is and if I will actually be able to come into work...at least for the remainder of this week.

4:00 came and I was so pleased; I was going to be able to pick up Cherish from piano and Hallie from dance and it just felt good because I haven't been able to do that in a really long time. I stopped at the job board to see if there were any new postings that I could apply for-applied for a couple of long shots but thought to myself I definitely won't get it if I don't even apply and was out the door into the "fresh" air to begin my commute home.

I was following an elderly gentleman in a half-tonne out the drive way and towards the road. He stopped. I stopped. We waited for traffic to go by. Two trucks happened to be turning into the hospital and this old man decided that he was too far out on the road for them to drive past him (which one of them had all ready been successful at). To rectify this (ahem) "problem" he decided to back his truck up, very quickly and, without looking behind him to see if there was anyone back there (like ME!!!) and he proceeded to back right into my van. I had laid on the horn 3 times and was in the process of putting the van in reverse when he whacked me. There is a nice hitch sized hole in my front bumper now. You can see the outline of the entire hitch but only 3 of the 4 sides pierced the bumper.

I got his name and number and plate number and all that jazz but I had no other idea how to go about dealing with this. While talking to him I think I was a little numb because there just didn't seem to be any reaction to what had happened at all; it was like this happened all the time-no big deal. The longer I was in the van driving to get the kids, the more frustrated I got that this had even happened and wondering if he was going to be honest when we talk to the insurance company or what...

I was late picking the girls up so I wound up going about getting them in such a backwards, loopy, completely unlogical way because I knew that Hallie would be more upset about me not being there to get her and would panic before Rush would. So I was pretty well an hour late to get Rush from her lesson...sorry Dix and in a bad mood to boot.

Tomorrow I get to take the car in to see what the heck is going to happen, I guess and file a report or whatever the heck you do when someone smashes into you. Wish me luck and pray that I don't lose my temper...

Skating...

Today Jenn, Cherish, Hallie and I went skating at an outdoor rink. The way they have it set up there is a rink enclosed in boards where the "hockey" people are supposed to be so little people don't get hit by pucks or sticks. Just outside of the rink they have a little flooded area that is specifically designed for these little people who are just learning how to skate.

This was Hallie's first time on skates EVER and so, she was a little leary. Two tuff guys, well, one tuff guy (now known as Mr. Punkbrat) and his little twerpy follower (now known as Mr. "I'm with him" were playing hockey on the preschooler part and slapshoting the puck off the boards so it was bouncing all over the place. Another mom and I asked these boys to at least stay on the other half of this area so no one got hurt. Mr. "I'm with him" moved immediately while Mr. Punkbrat decided to gun us down and swear at us. Eventually other mom and I gunned him to the point that he felt uncomfortable enough to go where he was supposed to be. At this point the little brat (who is as tall as I am when he is on skates) started flipping the puck out of the rink and at Hallie and I.

I saw red and threw his puck out into the playground; if he was going to do it again he at least had to walk through a foot of snow to get his puck to do so. Much swearing and pottymouthing ensued, all directed towards me and I called him a little boy and told him that perhaps he should show a little respect or I would tune him in. He and his little goons then decided that they were going to put their sticks away for awhile so they could skate on this side and were going to trip Hallie every chance they got. They never had the chance.

One dad that was there with his children was trying to help because he really didn't want his kids to get hurt by these kids either and he had all ready been hit by Mr. Punkbrat's stick. There were several hockey dads in the "hockey" rink and not one of them would try to rein this kid...er, brat in. It got to the point that these kids were being vicious enough that I got on the phone and called Bill who came to talk to him and he ran away. It was not until then (and Bill calling one of the dads a tough guy too) that any of these "hockey" dad's decided that they should get involved.

It turns out that the one dad who then did get involved is our dear ward leader and a wonderful, wonderful (oh, insert sarcasm here) neighbor to our good friends. We had so much fun.

So here is my pet peeve (and then I will put up some pictures of Hallie skating): Do I really need to hire protection just to take my kids skating? Is that not ridiculous that we need to fear for these little kids because some parents have not taught their children enough respect? They have no respect for themselves, for others, for life...for anything....

I will go back to this skating rink and just to prove to this kid that we weren't afraid of him, we wouldn't leave until after he did (and besides that Hallie wanted to finish "practicing")...but anyway

Here are the pictures I took of Hallie. She had SO much fun aside from the "attempt on her life" .

She can't wait to go back
and didn't really want to
leave in the first place.
I have to admit, "episode" aside, I had a really good time with the girls too.

New Years Resolutions

Ok, It's been a while and I WILL update everyone REAL soon but first a couple thoughts on resolutions...

How many times do we resolve something and have it last a month, maybe two? How many times do we have great expectations only to have the carpet pulled out from under our feet?

My step-mom made a resolution this year to not make any resolutions. I immediately pointed out to her that her resolution had failed instantly upon making it.

I am resolving for realism so this year my resolutions are:
To gain weight.
To start smoking and...
To take up drinking.......

Perhaps these ones won't fail

but

I

am

really

glad

it

is

just

my

humor

shining

through

and

not

really

my

resolution.

Women Go Crazy for a Sharp Dressed Man

Yes, ZZTop said, er, sang it best; women DO go crazy for a sharp dressed man especially when he is 2 years old and batting his super enormously long eyelashes at them while wearing his styling duds. Aren is a charmer; he has been since day one. He won't talk to men until he feels it is safe but, put him in the company of a pretty young lady (especially blondes. Yes, he all ready seems to have a preference.) and he comes to life. He bats his lashes, he coos, he grins and he tells them all about his drum or love of drumming. Mothers lock up your daughters and, just to be on the safe side, stay indoors yourself! I have created a monster-a handsome, handsome monster.

Look upon this picture only if you dare...






















Or, how about this one? He's adding just a touch of flaire in this photo...

New Tradition

Today, we began a new tradition for Christmas. The three kids and I (Cherish, Hallie and Aren) went to the store and they each bought a book that they would enjoy reading to give to the children's ward at our hospital. Rush wrapped them with the help of the giver and we will be taking them to the hospital probably tomorrow or perhaps later this afternoon. We will see how we all manage our time this afternoon. They are very, very excited to do this and are so pleased that they were able to do this.

I thought of this the other day when I was fuming over having to work on Christmas Day and then thought about all the kids who will have to be "Stuck" in the hospital this day and all through the year. I then thought what is Christmas supposed to be? Is it supposed to be about us spending all our money to buy more stuff from StuffMart for our kids or should we be instilling values into our kids as to what Christmas really is? Should we not give of ourselves to show others love? The kids embraced this idea with so much vigor and enthusiasm that I wish I would have thought of it years before.

So, here is to the beginning of a tradition and to the start of more selfless things our family can do during the Christmas season and all through the year to help people and to just bless them, if even in just a small way.

A star, a star...

Every year Rush's school sends home a cardboard star for us to cut out and decorate to hang from the school's hallway ceilings. You can decorate it with whatever you want, however you want; it just needs to be a family star and have your last name on it...

This year we had 2 of them making one so I didn't really know how we would go about it.
Ah ha... Each kid got their own side to do. The finished product this year...

Hallie's side...

Rush's side...

Aren is always thrilled when we go to get Hallie and he sees their star hanging from the ceiling. They did a good job but I will tell you those confetti lights did NOT want to stay on there. We had to use a lot of glue as you can tell to get them to stay on. I wonder what we will do next year...

Run, run as fast as you can! You can't get me; I'm the ginger....ah never mind

Last year, we started a family activity of decorating a gingerbread house. Last year, Jenn and I assembled this house; last year, Jenn and I had technical difficulties and put the chimney on upside down and other small set backs...walls not wanting to stay together blah blah blah. This year Jenn and I carried on the tradition of having gingerbread technical difficulties. We did put the chimney on properly but it kept sliding on us and we eventually got it to stay. The icing didn't want to stay in the bag and kept popping out the top and getting me extremely sticky and irritated but I kept having fun. So we decorated it. It looks better than last years and it didn't take too long this year before Aren began to dig into the decorations and wreck the beautiful walk way that Cherish and I made. It is so much fun but I am glad I only have this to do once a year....

Always makes me smile...

Can't






drink





eggnog




without




thinking




of




this or ...

My Turn

It is my turn to feel like the failure of the month. I have been feeling guilty lately and it has been getting worse and worse. I feel like I am not there for my kids; I feel like I am not being a "mom". Obviously, I am a mom but I feel like I am not BEING a mom. I am always working, the odd night I get off it seems there are plans that do not include the kids and off I go galavanting when I should be at home with my children. I honestly can't tell you the last time Hallie and Aren were bathed. I am not here to do it and it just doesn't seem to get done. When my son wants something he goes to his sister, not to me. Why? I am never here and that is who he has to go to as a mother figure. How big of a failure is that?!?

I tried talking to my husband about how I am feeling and he dismissed my feelings right away without much consideration to why I was feeling this way. I told him I needed a day job so I could be home with the kids when they are here to need me (this way band concerts will not be overlooked, baths will not be overlooked, homework notes will not be thrown out without a second glance...). His response, "Then I guess I may as well fall off the face of the Earth because I am never there either." I don't know why his response to conversations of this or similar nature all wind up with him needing to fall off the face of the earth or dying or what have you. Perhaps I just need a little support not him turning it into a "I don't deserve to live" party and I am called over-sensitive...

After his comment, I simply hung up on him. I didn't know what to say; I could not react in any type of manner to him other than just hanging up the phone. I know that wasn't the best thing to do but my brain could not come up with an appropriate response.

So here I sit with tears streaming down my face, wondering why in the heck I am typing this on here for the world to see (and I know my husband will be irrate with me if he ever reads this and sees this post but I need an outlet) and wondering can be done to change this and wondering how I pray about this properly. I need a day job so I can be with my kids that is all I know at this point. Other than that I am at my wit's end, the rope just doesn't go any farther...

Traditions

I grew up on a farm surrounded by trees and every year we went out into the pasture as a family (and by that I mean mom, dad, kids, horses, cats and dog...the animals just followed us, they were, after all, part of the family) and picked our Christmas tree. The tree then sat in our tub to thaw and was decorated on Christmas Eve. I remember us putting those construction paper garlands on our tree. We also had an inflatable Santa that Mom always put up just under the tree that always fell over. We put our stockings, which were Dad's wool socks on the end of our bed and were sent to bed. I don't know about my brother but I am pretty sure it was the same for him, my sister and I would lay in bed wide awake with anticipation about what was going to be in our sock bound and determined we were going to stay awake so we could look as soon as Mom and Dad placed them back on our beds full. I don't think that ever happened.

I remember, as a little girl, being excited about Santa and what cookies he would choose to eat off the plate we left for him (I don't celebrate Santa Claus now but it is still a fond memory I have). It was hard not to believe as a child because we had a strange occurance at our house every year. Every Christmas morning we had to have breakfast, do chores and go get Grandma and Grandpa from up the hill before we could open our presents and every year when we went to the barn there were strange tracks on the barn roof that weren't there (or that noticable) when we went to bed. We were told it was reindeer tracks, hard to argue that.

The tree was down on New Years Day and that is still a tradition we have here but I am trying to find some traditions I can do with my kids...that do not involve Santa. We have certain foods that we eat every Christmas Eve and New Years Eve, we watch the Touched By an Angel Christmas Epidsode with Randy Travis in it every year but I would really like some other traditions. Anybody have any ideas for me...?

And Here is My 7

Seven things to do before I die:

1. go to Norway, Ireland and so many more but those are the 2 biggies
2. become a nurse
3. get back into shape
4. learn to knit
5. get out of debt
6. see my children become successful people (and I don't mean socially successful...I mean well-rounded successful)
7. finsih my family tree book

Seven things to do before I die (when I was a not-so-idealsitic teenager):

1. marry any member of Motley Crue (except Mick Mars), Jon Bon Jovi, Axl Rose, Slash, any member of Poison or Steve Tyler (I know, I know...don't judge me)
2. own a Harley
3. get a tattoo (or several)
4. be adopted by Alice Cooper and/or Ozzy Osborne (man am I ever glad that had no hope of ever coming true)
5. go to Norway
6. join a bike gang
7. become famous for my dark poetry

Seven things I cannot do:

1. swim
2. remember most of the French I learned
3. remember to water my plants
4. enjoy coffee
5. sit through any type of performance without crying because I am so proud of the work everyone did to pull it off...like kids' dance recitals, Christmas concerts, Kids' Christmas programs oh, and let's not forget Broadway North Musicals...)
6. drive behind someone going slightly less than the speed limit
7. sit through most movies without crying for one reason or another


Seven things that attract me to my spouse:

1. his attempt to be the tough, macho guy which we all can see through so clearly
2. the way he looks in a blue dress shirt
3. the way he reminds me when I am not behaving the way I "should"
4. the way he gets up with our son in the middle of the night
5. the way he tries to not let me catch him crying during a movie
6. the way he strokes my face when I am upset and makes me feel safe
7. his biceps

Seven things I say most often:

1. Would you like cheesetoast or twist bread instead of garlic toast?
2. For sure
3. I'll be right there.
4. Aren, I am not telling you again...(leave that cat alone)
5. Thumb in the thumbhole, fingers all together. This is the song we sing in mitten weather...(but only in the winter which is 9 months of the year)
6. Go ask your father
7. So, anyways...(this one was Dixie's but I think I say this a lot too)

Seven books I love:

1. God's Leading Lady
2. any true crime story
3. Lord of the Flies
4. Simple Faith
5. The Chrysalids
6. Romeo and Juliet or MacBeth
7. The Monster at the End of This Book

Seven movies I would watch over and over again:

1. Titanic (I know...it just makes me dig into my imagination)
2. Legends of the Fall
3. Old Yeller
4. The Breakfast Club
5. Grease
6. The Lord of the Rings trilogy
7. Finding Nemo

Seven people I want to join in too: (NOTE: If you don't have a spouse, make it seven things that you think will attract you/ that you admire/ notice in the opposite sex, or a potential mate)

DustyClodfelter
Dominique
Tanya
Candice
Christy
Paula
I ran out of people...

Can Someone Say "eery"?

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive.You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

My Son is a Mouse

I am just in the middle of preparing lunch for myself, Hallie and Aren. I left the room for a minute to grab the phone and came back to find Aren take HUGE mouthfuls of cheese out of the block. After weasling the cheese away from him and trying not to laugh while giving him heck, I told Bill (who was teh one that called) what Aren had just done.

He laughed and told me that there was something he had forgotten to tell me, something Aren had done awhile ago and it had slipped his mind. Aren had stolen the huge block of cheese, ran to his room and Bill found him sitting on his bed eating this incredibly big piece of cheese (you know the one you get at Superstore for $22?).

I think that is too hilarious. My family has always loved hard cheese. My brother, my sister and I would go up to grandma's house after school for an after-school snack of hard cheese and crackers, fill up and be too full for supper. She used to tease us about being mice and I think, perhaps, I have a mouse of my own. Cherish and Hallie love cheese too but so far in their lives they have not taken it upon themselves to eat the entire block of cheese. (Am I ever glad he didn't succeed at that venture....can someone say blocked up...)

Dream Come True

Tonight Hallie and I went to Cinderella (the musical). This was her birthday present from me and there was a promise of getting to meet Cinderella that I didn't know if it would come true or not. I didn't promise her but I mean there was a glimmer of a possibility that the meeting could be arranged.

Well, after the show, we got our coats, said "hello" to an old co-worker of mine (who Hallie remembers from the Saskatchewan fireworks as the guy who made her the balloon animal) and went to leave (since we didn't get to talk to Devon to see about meeting Cinderella). (Boy, am I ever rambling!) Anywho, lo and behold out of the corner of my eye, I spot Cinderella...wah hoo!!! Hallie and I went over, got her picture taken and her autograph and Hallie's dreams came true!

She also got Prince Charming's autograph but he wasn't in costume so she didn't get her picture taken with him.

Anyway, so I can go and get her tucked into bed (it has been a long night), here is the picture of Hallie and Cinderella...

Poor Little Monkey

Today I had to break Hallie's heart...but I did it for her own good. She is really sick, crouping cough, raw throat, slight fever, big black eyes...

I am keeping her home from school today.

Heartbreak sets in.

Tears fall from her eyes while she manages to squeak out poor pathetic little cries.

"What if all mine friends are havin' fun right now...?"

"What if I am supposed to be the leader today...?"

I tried reasoning with her, telling her this will make it so she doesn't get really, really sick and need to go to the hospital where she would have to miss a whole lot of school. Unfortunately there is no reasoning with a sick, heartbroken girl (especially when she is only 5...or younger) and that only made her cry harder saying that she didn't want to miss that much school or be in the hospital...

I would like to thank her teacher who is obvioulsy making Hallie's kindergarten experience an absolutely wonderful and joyous time. However, if the crying keeps up today I may want to strangle said teacher (but only out of love and appreciation for how much she has made my daughter love her.)

Happy Birthday, Baby

Dear Hallie,
Today you turned 5 years old. 5 years old!!!? It is so hard to believe that it has been 5 years since I first looked into your beautiful blue eyes and heard your first breath of air. It seems like only yesterday that I was craddling you in my arms listening to your gentle coos and feeling your soft warm breath on my cheek as you slept on me. It seems like only yesterday that I found myself crying when I looked at you and realized how completely overwhelmed I was, once more, that my heart could be this full of love.

Today as I look at you I see a beautiful, smart, kind hearted young girl who has turned into all and so much more than I ever could have imagined in those first few minutes of your life. Today I see a gentle spirit whose heart breaks when someone else is hurting. Today, I still find myself crying when I look at you and realize how I am still so completely overwhelmed with how full of love my heart is for you.

Hallie, I am so proud of who you are and of the person you are becoming. You have such a compassionate and loving heart. I admire your strength for you don't give up but seem to strive to improve. In one year you have made such a huge improvement in your speaking and you have done so with determination and with grace. It was just a short time ago that you could not speak at all and you overcame that obsticle with so much grace, never feeling sorry for yourself and never being angry.

Happy birthday, Baby. I hope your day is special and I hope it brings you good memories. I am so compeletly proud of you and so completely in love with you. You are my beautiful little Jellybean.

Vandersluys vs Vandersluys

This right here and here, people, is why I love my friends so much. There really is never a dull moment, even in the normalcy of life...never a dull moment.

Now, just to keep up with the legal aspect, I would like to clarify that the order of appearance on my blog does not in any way represent favoritism or attempt to imply any bias. The order they appear on my blog has only to do with the order they were posted. Any further comments on this matter may be made in the presence of my lawyer...

I will add, against my lawyers better judgement, that it is a pity that their marriage has come to this terrible bitter custody battle over the eggnog... Can't we all just get along?!?!? (wink!)

Talk about breaking your heart

Hallie and I had a brief yet heartbreaking conversation just a few minutes ago. You can read about it over here. It really makes my heart feel...heavy is the only word I can think of but it is not the most accurate. It hurts that she is hurting so much and missing her brother so much. I also dread how she is going to react when she finds out that Jenn is graduating this year and may be moving out sooner than later. How much can a poor little heart take...?

It's a Boy!!! It's a Boy!!! It's a Boy!!!

Obviously I don't need to say it again but...it's a boy! Mom and baby are both doing well. We don't know his name yet because they want to tell people when they are both together and Brenda was still in the recovery room. We also don't know how big the little guy is. Mom and Dad held onto him as long as they could and then Shane went to Bill's office to tell him the news. Bill fed our poor friend as he hadn't had anything to eat since last night so his mind was on other things...like his sandwich.

Anyway, a big old congratulations goes out to these wonderful friends of ours!!! I am so excited!!! I am also so relieved for you that it was a boy and now you don't have to worry about Bill nicknaming a girl Charlie for no reason other than the fact that he thinks it sounds cool.

Hallie has been busy packing up all of her toys so that she can give them all to the baby because she knows he doesn't have a stuffed puppy and she knows he doesn't have a doll and she knows he doesn't have crayons or a coloring book....

Anxious...

While shopping at Wal Mart this morning, I got a call on my cell. I had a twinge of nervousness because the only ones who know this number are the hospital and Bill. I didn't think Bill would be calling me as I had just talked to him so that means...my first solo shift at the hospital. However, when I answered the phone I was surprised to hear a familiar voice, my friend, Dixie. As it turns out, prayer is needed. Other friends of ours, Shane and Brenda, are having a baby and she started having pains yesterday (baby is due the 24th). In the hospital she wasn't progressing. Having had a c-section before there was fear of rupturing or hemorraging; the doctors were gently leaning towards them having a c-section but were giving them an hour to see how things went.

I got off the phone with Bill moments ago for an update and he said that Brenda was in surgery as we were speaking and that the baby was probably all ready here. He just hadn't found that part out yet. So please pray for things to turn out all right for both mom and baby. Please pray for emotional strength for her as she was really really hoping to not have to go through a c-section again.

So, I am anxious. I am anxious to know if they are well. I am anxious to know if it is a boy or a girl. I am anxious to know what his/her name is and I am anxious to be able to go see my dear friend.

Getting into the Spirit

Today we started, let me stress "started", to decorate our house for the joyous winter/Christmas season. We have our lights up outside and some on the inside of a window (living room). We still need to do the lights in the dining room window. We have some pine garland on our bookshelf with cranberries and pinecones scattered throughout it and we purchased some candles with cranberry decorations for around the candle holders. I also have sugar cookie scented wax blocks for the oil burner candles. Does it ever smell yummy in our house tonight. A few other purchases...both of the Griswold adventures, "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", and "The Charlie Brown Christmas" on DVD. I am still looking for "The Little Drummer Boy" on DVD and the "Nutcracker Prince" (animated and not). So here are some pictures of our house at about halfway through outside decorations.

The kids are so-o excited...

Enjoying my Job

Okay so today was day number two of working in Housekeeping at the hospital and I am enjoying my job thus far. I worked in the E.R. yesteday and I have to admit that it really made me realize where my heart is as far as becoming a nurse. I was chomping at the bit when I was there cleaning floors and beds wishing that I were taking care of the patients. Today I wasn't anywhere exciting but it was still all right. It sounds like tomorrow I will be in and out of E.R. again. Being in the hospital only fuels the fire about becoming an LPN. I need to get the lead out and start really working on that math....

They're shutting us down!!

I just got an email that myblogspot is shutting down at the end of this month. We will no longer be able to access our posts so I just finished copying and pasting mine. I don't know if there is anywhere else we can go or what...but this is the end of here.......
Goodbye everyone...goodbye....

Just in the Nick of Time

I got a new job!!! I am now employed at the hospital in the Housekeeping Dept. as relief which means they call me in when someone is sick, is taking holidays or what not. It couldn't have come at a better time! I will still be at BP's, for now, as I doubt I will get enough hours to be able to quit. However, why did it come in the nick of time? It is so slow at work that today I was sent home after being at work for 45 minutes!!!! I can not live on that!!! Thank you God for seeing the big picture and for preparing a way for us and for taking care of us...

The Poppy Remembers...Rememberance Day 2005, The Year of the Veteran

Every year on November 11, I remember. I think every Canadian has their own personal stories, their own special person, memory or family member they think of. For me, I think of my great uncle who went to war to fight for our freedom and never, ever came home. No one knows what happened to him. My family was told that he was KIA then they thought he may be a POW and then they were told that no one knew what really happened to him. He is gone and I always wonder what happened to him. What did he go through? What did he endure? What was his fate?

I think 2 of my grandfathers were in the war as well. I do know one was for sure. He was a supply truck driver on the front lines of the war. His name was Peaches. Whatever he saw during the war stayed his private secret and, perhaps, his private hell. He never talked about it, ever. It hurt him too much. He died a few years ago never telling any of us about it and never once mentioning to us that he had even been in the war.

Their eyes have seen such terrible, terrible things. How do you forget that? How can we forget them? The sacrifices these men and women made and continue to make for us. We can't just say that the sacrifices were made during the war and ended at that. Their lives were forever changed, forever scarred by what they saw, what they lived through, what they lost... It is hard not to cry when I look into the eyes of a veteran because I see pain in them and I see something that there is no way for me to explain. Look into their eyes and you will see a life lived that we can not fathom. Lives of soldiers continue to be changed today. While watching the Remeberance Day Service on tv today we saw Canadian soldiers (peacekeepers) holding their own service in Afghanistan, a powerful, powerful picture for me.

The grave of the unknown soldier sends shivers down my spine and fills my eyes with tears. Who is he? What did he go through? His family... A monument has been built and at 11:00 today the sun shone on the unknown solier's tombstone and framed it in a beautiful window of light. I bawled...

The bagpipes playing, the bugle...the 21 gun salute...this morning I sat, glued to my television set an emotional, bawling wreck. I can't find the words to express what I feel in my heart on Remeberance Day. Gratitude is not enough. These men and women are my heroes. What they did for you and me so selfless...I am speechless. I absolutely do not know what to say to these people. Thank you seems so insignificant but thank you. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

We watched the veterans parade as well and watching these men and women marching to the applause of 25000 people was...again, speechless. The announcers said that there are 5 known veterans still alive from World War One. Wow! What I would give to talk to some of these people, to catch a glimpse of what their lives have been...

When I was in grade 9 I wrote a poem for the poetry contest for Remeberance Day. I won first place at my school, for the region and I got 3 in Provincials. I don't have a copy of this poem. I gave my only copy to them and I am hoping to try to find it. I may contact the Royal Canadian Legion to see if they still have a copy or not. It was called The Poppy Remembers.

We must never forget what the men and women of past years have done for us and what the men and women of today continue to do to protect our freedom. Whether you,personally agree with war or not, these people are still sacrificing their lives for us everyday to ensure our safety and our freedom.

Happy Dance...Doing the Happy Dance...

All right, for those of you who don't really know my I am not bi-polar but the contradiction in my posts today will probably leave you wondering. I am so happy right now I feel like I am floating!

I just got back 2 of my math (grade 12) assignments and I got 98% on BOTH of them!!! BOTH OF THEM!!! Did you hear me?!?!? B-O-T-H O-F T-H-E-M!!!!!! Waaaaaahooooooooo!!!! I hate math. I am terrified of math. You put 2 numbers in front of me add an x and a y and say the words quadratic equation and you have a trembling, babbling, full fledge math phobic on your hands. So, those marks arriving in the mail today were just the thing I needed to throw me miles back from the edge of that nuclear meltdown I was telling you about.

I am going to leave this post as a short one because it is extremely hard to type while you are doing the happy dance.

Nuclear Meltdown

Oh yes, people, a nuclear meltdown has been had by all in this house; perhaps even a few times each today.

At school today the girls attended a Remembrance Day assembly. I haven't been able to make out all the details but Hallie has informed me there were soldiers (I am assuming a video) and that she got real sad and the tears fell off her face. (Her words.) While telling bill about this on the phone a few minutes ago. I posed the question "why get kindergarten kids to watch stuff like this? Look at how it affects them." Bill, ever so kind and gentle Bill says," Yes, Ang but think about it for a second, not all Kindergarten students are related to you." (inferrence to my tear ducts being too close to my bladder).

Before school I had to give Hallie an emergency hair cut because her sister gave her gum last night and Hallie refused to take it out at bedtime when said sister told her to. Mom and Dad were not informed of this dilema. Anywho, as I was getting Hallie ready for school I notice big gob o' gum in her hair. What the *%$#?! Out come the scissors and snip, snip, snip. I now have a lopsided kid.

Aren has gotten into the phase of wanting to watch movie after movie and some members of this family oblige. I only let him watch one movie today and the rest of the day was tears, begging and turmoil. I tried to send him downstairs to play with his toys only to find him trying to figure out how to put a movie on downstairs. However I have triumphed and and he has only watched ONE movie... (and the crowd goes wild).

Anyway, with all of this...I am close myself to a nuclear meltdown myself. You all know the kind; the crying, the snotting, the bawling, the screaming, the sobs, the blubbering, the nobody ever listens to me, nobody loves me, mom nuclear meltdown. However, I will rise above it. I refuse to have this meltdown today...

Buckle your seatbelts; it's about to get bumpy.

Okay, why on earth am I feeling sad that my son has stepped foot onto the path of potty train lane? Why does my heart feel heavy and why do I feel like weeping every time I look at him, a beautiful young man? Ah, that's right. I am a sap! I am a softy, a baby...what is it Bill says? Oh yes, my bladder is too close to my tear ducts or perhaps it is that my tear ducts are just too close to my uterus. Aren is my last baby...there will be no more...this is the end, my friend, the end....

Should I not be rejoicing that soon I will no longer have to buy diapers or pull-ups or baby wipes? I will no longer have to change stinking, soaking wet diapers or filthy gut wrenching poopy bums; why am I not leaping through the streets shouting with glee?

When I had Aren, my third c-section, hubby and I decided that since I was there...we made it official, no more babies. I didn't think it would make me feel different, but it did. For the first little while I felt...empty...lacking...weird...I can no longer have babies...

Aren is 27 months old. He has reached that stage where there is not much baby left to him (and by baby, well, you know what I mean). I have started looking at pregnant bellies, nursing moms and babies of all ages and I feel my spirit plummet to my feet. If I had my way, I would probably have babies until I ran out of time...

I have always been a mom...I became a mom at 18 years old. I feel like I have been a mom forever and in a sense, I have. I became a mom before I stopped being a child. As silly as it seems each day I look at the growth my children are making and realize that I am getting closer to not being a "mom" by leaps and bounds every day. Every day my children get closer and closer to only seeing me on special occassions or at special family events. I hate that. It scares the crap out of me. My entire adult life has been defined by being a mom, by being needed by someone to care for them...now what?

I loved being pregnant. Yes, at the time it was uncomfortable and, apparently, I got really, really cranky when I was pregnant with Hallie but, I LOVE being pregnant. My friend, Dixie talks about how much she enjoys childbirth too and I envy her for that (everybody for that actually). I have never experienced childbirth properly and by that I mean I have never given birth naturally. As I said before 3 biological children, 3 c-sections. I feel ripped off; I feel like I have been denied experiencing a beautiful, natural part of life and then I feel guilty for feeling bad about something so petty. I have 3 gorgeous children so should it really matter how they got here? I have them and that should be all that matters. Why isn't it?

I fear feeling useless when my children are grown; I fear their independence, the very thing I am working to create with them. I fear feeling like an empty vessel, void of use. I fear sounding like a fool when everyone reads this but, we all have our moments of weakness and I wouldn't be being truthful to my friends or to myself if I just deleted this post. I will wake up in the morning, read this and probably say 'wow, hormones, they get you every time...'. In the meantime, this is honestly something I think about. I think about who I am outside of being a mom; I don't know if I really know. I think about things I feel I should have experienced (aka childbirth) and have sometimes thought it made me less of a woman to not have been able to have that experience. Man, sometimes the thought process carries you away on a terrible dark ride. Somebody, stop that train when I get on it. Having c-sections does not make me less of a woman...that logic is so stupid. I don't feel like being barren makes someone less of a woman but I create different standards for myself that I can't live up to. I am my own worst enemy some days.

So I have taken myself (and you) on an adventure where I have done nothing but wallow in self pity and now that I have gotten it off my chest and out of my system for, who knows how long, I will once more rejoice that my job is so far successful. I am raising my children to the best of my ability; I feel I am preparing them and equipping them with the tools they will need to be successful. I am stopping the self-pity train and jumping off. I love being a mom; I will never stop being a mom. My job description will change and I need to change with it. I am, after all, a mom and we can transform ourselves into anything we need to be...a doctor, a chef, a teacher, a dictionary, a chauffeur, a psychologist, a comforter, a disciplinarian...our list of talents is endless.

Oh, the places you'll go. Oh, the things you will do...

As a parent, we find joy in some of the most bizzare things. Parents can have conversations with other parents that non-parents just wouldn't understand or enjoy. How many conversations have you had with other parents (moms) about poop color, poop texture, poop frequency, techniques in relieving baby constipation, sore, cracked nipples, lactating...? How many non-parents would really give a rip about that conversation while other parents will rejoice with you when you tell them that baby had his first poop in over a week? Or that toddler went pee in the potty for the first time?

What sparked this little blurb? Aren went pee in the potty today!!!! In fact, he sat on the toilet, not the potty!!! We danced and screamed and cheered!!! Why does that have to end? The simple things becoming a party? Why can't I have an entourage of people watching me pee in the potty and cheering when I am done? When do my bladder and bowel fuctions cease to become news? I am sure I will be cheering and dancing (well, maybe not dancing) when I am 90 years old and making it to the bathroom too and, having worked in a care home I do happen to know that your bladder and bowel functions do become news worthy! In fact, sometimes they are so news worthy you get them put in a book!

So, congratulations, Son, for your accomplishment this evening. May it be the first of many! May I be able to walk past the diaper aisle and dance with glee for not having to purchase them any more; may I be able to snicker secretly at all the moms and dads who still have to drag a diaper bag around and think to myself, "I am SO over THAT!" and, knowing me, I will probably also secretly yearn for another small, cute little butt to wipe, powder and diaper...ah, the joy of grandkids...I will fulfill my desires and send them home when I am sick of it...(evil laughter echoes throughout blog world...)

Edited for clarification...I really, really do NOT want an entourage watching me pee or cheering for me...whatever possessed me to even think that....Oi!

The Ball is Rolling

As you all know and have seen, the dress is bought but, the plans officially began tonight. At 7:00 I headed off to the high school for the first of many grad meetings requiring this family's presence. Jenn was at work, obviously Deanna and Darryl couldn't come in to town for a short meeting and Bill was not feeling well. So, there I sat, thinking 'it wasn't really that long ago I was sitting in my own grad meetings, long enough but not long enough to be here for my children.' That feeling always weirds me out; you know like when I was 25 years old and buying school supplies for high school for Billy.

Anyway, having gotten that all off my chest, I am not an executive of any committees this year (nor was I when Billy graduated because we were not informed of THAT meeting); I really don't feel I have time to commit. I may sign up on a committee but I am still debating that as I feel bad about signing up for something that I can't be counted on with 100% certainty (at least 80% certainty).

Jenn & I sat around the kitchen table tonight and discussed grad. We have a checklist going on of things that still need to be done, bought and planned; we have a checklist of fees that need to be paid and approximations of grad video costs and picture fees. This year will be a little different than when Billy graduated. We ran short of time very quickly after the ceremony, family/friend lunch and getting ready for the Grand March and all he had to do was put on a tux. Jenn & I have talked about just getting a reservation for Friday for family (the kids, Bill, myself, Deanna, Darryl and if any grandparents, aunts, uncles, blah, blah, blah want to come...a pay for yourself kind of thing) and then on Saturday (less stressful Saturday) we will have a bbq or buffet lunch for everyone to come to. The big party...the feast...the...I don't know, I'm getting carried away.

So, my life for the next little while, outside of my regular schedule will be getting her scrapbook together. I have some pictures copied, more to find and more to sort but I started this tradition with Billy and will continue it for all the kids. I loved every minute of it.

Anyway, back to the books for me and off to bed.

38 minutes and here is the dress...

Yes, that is what I said...38 minutes. We were dress shopping for 38 minutes and we found the dress. So we have the shoes and we have the dress; we also have the necklace and the tiarra. We just need to completely figure out the hair, get nails done, make-up done and figure out what exactly we are doing for supper. (not too shabby for only being at mid-terms of the first semester). When Billy graduated we wound up being a bit too rushed for time by having the big family/friends supper the same day as grad so we may just have an immediate family supper that day and save the big supper for Saturday.

Anyway, I am sure none of you are interested in that right now. Here is the dress purchased from my dress hero, Phong. She is so incredible at her job and wants you to have a dress that you will be happy with. She tells you when it looks good; she tells you when it looks bad and she will most definitely point out what parts of your body make or break the dress (but she always does it with the grace of a lady and makes you feel good at the same time).

I digressed again. I am done. Here, ladies and gentlemen is the dress...

You don't get the full feel of the dress without the crinolyn (spelling) but you can get the idea.

The Room...

Okay folks, here is the room, complete with a new big boy bed for my,well, big boy. There are a few more shelves and a bulletin board (sports theme as well) to put up and I need to attempt to make his curtains but I think you will be able to get the idea of what it looks like.