16 More Days

Until I am done work here. Until I am at home with my two youngest.

The interview process has started.

It won't be long now.

I do still need to find a morning job...

...I need to get looking.

To and Fro

And no, this isn't a post about my hair...
{GRIN}

This new job of BigB's has been great for him (for us); he loves the people he works for and with, the environment he works in and the opportunities he has to travel within our beautiful province.

He has gone to two places so far (other than around here), one being a place he had never been before and that was just last week. Today he leaves again and gets home Friday - just in time for the long weekend. (Speaking of the long weekend, I am hoping we do something). Tuesday morning he flies off again and comes home late Thursday night or early Friday morning.

I certainly hope he gets to make good use of his "collapsible" Ugly Stick fishing rod and new reel that we bought just for this purpose. It fits nicely in his overnight bag. I am thinking we need to send an empty cooler with him so he can bring some of his catches home for us to feast on. After all...

...it's only fair.

I 'Twit'

Yes, I do and yes, I did. I 'twit'. I didn't twit as in 'twit'; I twit, as in the other day Bug asked me if I had "twit" my job yet since Daddy got his new job.

The answer is, yes, I did just "twit". I will need to make a bit of money but I will only work in the mornings - unless BigB & I decide that I will take in 2 or 3 children and babysit.

Regardless, I get to be home with Bug in the afternoons; I get to be home when the girls get home from school. Heck, I even get to pick them up! I can take care of my children the way I want to! This makes me uber happy! I can't even begin to describe how happy I am. I'm all this is too good to be true but then I'm all oh no it isn't! I have waited SO long to get to this point!

So there you have it; I twit! I am a twitter. And although I could mean this, what I actually mean is this

'It' has finally happened!

What 'it'? You mean you don't know? Seriously? You have no idea what I am talking about? Oh. Ok. Sit down, grab a coffee or a Dole tangerine sparkler, put your feet up and I will enlighten you.

For the last year or so I have really been struggling with this whole 'getting up, working all day, sending my kids to a sitter, relying on Rush to make supper' existance that I have been living.

Some of you will know (Facebook) but others still have no idea so, let me share my fabulous news with y'all!

BigB has, just today, signed the paperwork for a new job that is in town and a bit more than he was making before! (Can I get a hallah in da house?!) This means that I can change my hours here at work OR, if that isn't feesible, get a different job where I am only working mornings! No more sitters (except for maybe an hour during lunch)! I get to be home when my kids come home from school; in fact, I get to pick them up from school! I can have suppers made and snacks and clean my house and all those things that have been taunting me with my working full-time and having the schedule we do!

I am so excited by the possibilites BigB has with this new job, that I will have as a result of his new job and of the things that we can give to our children because of this new job! Thank you, God! You get ALL the credit on this; Your hand is through it all!

Little Tidbits of Yesterday and Today, Yonder and Now, Past and Present...Okay, I'm done!

Last night we had ourselves a NICE supper; in fact, Bug commented several times "God, thanks for this wonderful supper". BigB grilled up some steaks (and cooked them perfectly to each individual liking) and I baked some potatoes and steamed some veggies. We opened a can of beans to go with it all and, yummy, we had a great supper.

I like to put salsa and a little crumbled feta cheese on my baked potato and Bug has develeoped a love for this "white" cheese. As I was crumbling mine onto my potato, Bug asked me if I could get him some. While getting the cheese for him, I asked him where he wanted it; I thought maybe he wanted it crumbled on his potato as well. Well, we almost fell over laughing when he looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted tenticles from my nose and said, "Here" as he wiggled the fingers on his outstretched hand. That boy loves himself some feta!
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After supper as Rush did her chores, I joined Bill at the car to "help" him work on the car. I don't know what I did to help or what he was really expecting but I mainly sat on the grass watching him or chasing Jellybean & Bug down the street just to hear their giggles of glee as I reached and tickled them. When we thought it may be fixed, he & I took a drive down the highway to see if it was a success.

No. We have checked the computer code to see what the problem is for the "service engine" light to keep coming on and the only part it says we need has been replaced but there is still something not quite right as the car still hesitates and seems like it doesn't get enough gas to carry on, occassionally.
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I have been trying to find a dress to wear to my brother's wedding this fall and I could never find anything that I really liked in this little town but my very good friend works at Reitmans and she told me that the minute their dresses came in, she would let me know. They have come in and yesterday after the 'mechanicing", we stopped by to see what we could find.

I tried on 3. This one(The link doesn't take you to the direct dress so I typed the name for you to scroll through the 5 dresses until you see the correct name) (cowl neck sleeveless dress). One they don't have a picture of and this one (rose printe dress). I really liked the purplish one but BigB thought it looked too boring and dull so we chose this rose print dress with some turquoise accessories (a thick bangle bracelet, scarf and earrings and I will probably just wear a nice silver chain); I am pretty happy with my find.

It is on hold at Reitmans right now and I will go pick it up, to be my very own, next Friday when BigB gets paid. I won't even need to buy shoes to go with it because I all ready a own two cute pairs that will go perfectly (just a matter of deciding now) so I may get some opinions as to which would be best closer to the wedding.
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To celebrate our shopping success we went to Dairy Queen for a chocolate dipped cone. Yummy! And took a little drive in the country dirt road outskirts of town.

By the time we picked J1 up at work to take her to her house, I was beat from the day and I washed my face, put on my jammies and was in bed and sound asleep before 10.

I fell asleep thinking about our J and wondering how her graduation went, hopping that she will send us some pictures so we can at least pretend we were able to be there and thinking how very proud I am of her. She is now an LPN (licensed practical nurse)! We really can't wait to get this car road worthy (of going distances) so we can get out to see her and P.B., see their new house (we've only seen pictures) and have a nice visit with them.
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Tonight is dress rehearsal for my friends' wedding! Tomorrow they are getting married! Yay! Our worship team is going to be singing at the wedding; I think that's kind of cool. I have never done that before and it is really great that we can help be a special part of their wedding that way.

Just don't go thinking I am The Wedding Singer or anything; although...I can badly sing 80's songs with the best of them.
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Oh, and just because I know you will all be rivoted by this information, the skin on my face is SO incredibly happy with me since my Wednesday night purchase ( I ran out last week). Last night I think I even heard it sigh! (I also picked up some fun new colors.)

And to keep with the taking care of oneself, I get to go, with some of the girls from work, to a spa for some spoiling and I just may look a lot like this that afternoon! We will also be getting to participate in their therapeutic pool, steam sauna, infared sauna, chair massage, tea buffet and a do it yourself facial. This joyous occasion takes place on June 18 and my harsh Canadian winter skin is screaming for this to happen.
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And...that's a no go, Captain

A no-go, that is, on the truck. Why? Because it is HER truck and SHE wants to keep it but that is her perogative and all it means is that there is something better for us out there...somewhere.

You just have to wonder about people's selfishness sometimes; especially those that claim to be Christians. I am not judging merely based on the fact that she won't sell a vehicle that doesn't ever get used; I have known this family for going on 10 years and I can honestly tell you this is based on years of fruit production - or lack there of...so I am not entirely sure why this surprises me.

I am trying to not feel let down or disappointed or frustrated as I do know that something will come our way. I am feeling this way because, I think because there is so much unknowing and even though it is in God's trustworthy hands and He is taking care of it, I hate having to be reliant on other people to get my family to school & work, get groceries to feed my family, get them to church...and I know that is pride and I am trying to rise above it and I know I will (I also know if my High School English teacher read this blog, she would kill me for that last sentence).

I think I am just dealing with the fresh sting of this knowledge and with trying to figure out how some people can be so selfish...

Productivity

The past couple of nights have been pretty productive. Wednesday night I made a Burrito Pie and 6 Breakfast Burritos to freeze. The Burrito Pie was for last night's supper to see if we would like it as I have never made the recipe before. For the most part it was a hit (Jellybean didn't like it at all and Rush wasn't fond of the refried beans). I made another one for the freezer last night and made a Spaghetti Pie with a bit of sauce left over to freeze as well.

A couple of loads of laundry have been thrown in the washer & the dryer and are waiting to be folded and a load of wash was done first thing this morning and is waiting for me to come home to be tossed into the dryer.

Watched the new Will Smith movie last night too (and stayed up TOO late) but I did enjoy watching 7 Pounds. It ended with me in tears which, is nothing unusual given that it ended with one of the characters crying and that ALWAYS leaves me in tears as well (not just movie characters crying but any given person). Sheesh!

Tomorrow at nine the worship team is meeting to do some work on the building project (pick up garbage, paint, fix up, spruce up...those kinds of things). The first service in the new building is Friday, April 10, 2009 and we have conference coming up on May 21-24! You should try to make it for some of that! It will be life changing!

I also have a date with my husband tomorrow night and I am looking forward to that! He works at a trade show until 7:30 so whatever we do will have to be after that. I think I need to get used to him being gone on and off with this job. He has training or another trade show in Winnipeg the beginning of May for 4 days and then there is something that is coming up in Calgary shortly too.

I went to Liquidation World today at lunch and got some great containers for organizing the pantry and I may go back and get a few more tomorrow.

There is service tonight and Sunday morning and I am looking so forward to seeing how God moves this weekend and how lives (including my own) are changed, transformed and shaken!

Still praying for baby Stellan but things are looking up for him. God is SO good and there is no denying that His hand is on this beautiful baby boy's life!

And I'm back...

Well, almost. I am getting there step by step. I used to be so organized and prepared. I would have meals ready and in the freezer; I even had things made & frozen for the bigger kids for breakfast. There were meal plans attached to my fridge and cleaning schedules beside them. I am coming back.

Yesterday I completed one meal plan. I think I will do 2 per "cooking season" for our house. You see, it gets so HOT in our house in the warm weather that putting bread in the toaster makes it somewhat unbearable; turning on the oven makes it intolerable!

I went and got some groceries yesterday after supper and as I was putting them away began making some breakfast burritos for Rush. I got 6 made last night; I didn't get home from the store until 9:30 and I plan to make some more up tonight - those and some sandwiches to freeze (after I take Rush to get some new clothes).

The girls' room is pretty much done; I am just needing to find the right baskets, etc for their shelves and I need to put up Jellybean's bulletin board. I think tonight I will pick up the shelf for our front entrance too and get that area looking spiffy. I have shoes that I will be going through that I don't wear anymore - dress shoes. If anyone around here is a size 8-9 (depending on the shoe) and would like them, let me know. If I still have them they are yours.

Slowly but surely I am getting back into my groove. This last 2 years of working full-time and working 2 jobs at a time for part of it really left me in a state of chaos but it is starting to come together once again. Thank God for that and thank God that He has equipped me.

"Hello, this is your calling"

Wouldn't it be nice if it really happened that way, you pick up the phone and there is an audible voice telling you what it is that you are supposed to do with your life? Don't get me wrong, I know what my overall purpose in life is but, what I don't know is what am I supposed to do with my life or how am I supposed to fulfill that purpose I guess would be an even better question. I really thought it was to go into Nursing-from the depths of my being even but as I pray on it it doesn't seem right. My friend and mentor, Wayne, says that they see me doing something with children. Yes, but what?! I love children! I have 7 of them. That seems vague to me right now...something with children. That is such a broad spectrum that I would like that "phone call".

Don't get me wrong; I love my job but, I have no plans to be an office manager for the rest of my life. I am a creative person and need a job where I can be creative. My first real "what-do-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up" moment was journalism...photojournalism more specifically. I dreamed of going to far off places and capturing life and all aspects of it. I don't think that is really what I am supposed to do either although I still LOVE photography!

BigB says that he feels I will be doing something creative as well; he uses the term "with my talents". I am not sure if I know what my "talents" even are.

Ideally, I would like a job where I can work part-time and be with my kids a lot more than I am and have the freedom to be creative. When I don't have time to flow creatively, in some way (scrapbooking, making cards, writing, taking pictures...) I feel like a blanket is being thrown over a fire exhausting it of its life supply. I feel the same when I feel I have not had the opportunity to "be" mom & wife enough during the course of a week. I need the time to put those hats on as well or I begin to feel like a failure in that aspect of my life.


I guess for now I just need to be patient, ask for clearer vision and wait for the "phone" to ring...

I don't even know what to call this other than I really want to be home for my kids; I want to be a stay-at-home mom again...I miss it terribly. I know that feesibly it is not possible financially or mentally for me to be a stay-at-home mom 100% of the time but I am really looking forward to being done this temporary fulltime position I have so that I can be with my kids and taking care of my home.

My job is less than ideal; I completely understand and accept that but, that being said, it is not the reasoning behind this wishfulness...this longing. Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to be a mom, wanted to stay home and take care of my house and family, plant a garden, can and freeze food, bake, be with my kids more. I DO NOT want to wake up one morning, find my house empty and wonder why I worked so much. Granted, full time isn't "so much" but I guess it is what you feel is important...being a stay-at-home mom is a job too so I would still be working full time.

I just got to spend some beautiful time with my two youngest children...we snuggled on the couch for a bit, Jellybean went to the kitchen table to do her math homework and needed my help so I was there, leaning over her shoulder, helping her solve some problems and watching her rejoice as things began to click and giving her the occassional high-five. We had a nice quiet supper, just the three of us and then I will be giving them a bath, getting them as ready for school as possible the night before and going through our bedtime routine.

I miss my kids; my heart breaks when I think of the time with them that I have lost, the time with them that I will never get back...at supper Jellybean tried to use her straw (in her straw bowl) to drink her 'orange soup' and burnt her throat; she ran into my arms and even though my heart broke for her and her pain, it felt so good to have her run to me and just trust in me so completely and to just feel her so close in my arms.

I know being a working mom doesn't make me less than a mom but it is not where my heart is...granted maybe it is not where any working mom's heart is but I feel empty and lost not being at home with my kids more and I am really looking forward to March '09 so I can be with my kids just a little more often and look after my home just a little bit better...

What a kerfuffle...

I just finished reading one of my past blogs from 2005; Bug was nearing his 2nd birthday and I was wondering who I was outside of being a mom. Here we are in 2008, somewhat close to his 5th birthday and I am weighing and measuring myself in the mom dept and I have found myself lacking.

I don't have the opportunity to do any of the things I used to do for & with my kids. I can't remember the last time I baked them cookies or walked them to school. I may be working 2 jobs again and missing out on some things but it is time for me to make my spare time meaningful in the eyes of my children and in my eyes.

I don't work Monday nights; we have church Wednesday & Friday nights and I sometimes work Thursdays and then there is Sunday morning service. But who is to say that I cannot make better use of the time that I do have? Why can't I make them cookies on a Monday night or play a game of hide and seek or something? This path stops right here and now.

I have been getting really frustrated with my day job and am ready to not be working there full time. Not like I want to wish the y ear away but, July can't come soon enough for me. I want to be able to say yes or no to working some shifts so I can be a "mom" more.

I miss that job...Imiss being able to just be that. I miss being able to focus completely on the welfare of my children and of their daily needs and of the needs of my house. My heart breaks for what I feel I am missing out on...my children.

When they think back on their lives, will I have been a good mom? In their future opinion of me is it worth me not being here as much as I feel I should be? What kind of example am I setting for them to follow?

Perhaps I am needing to re-evaluate somethings...

It looks like I'm on the right track

Tonight I took that test Marc has on his blog and it looks like I have at least made the right decision career wise...30 out of 40 of my ideal career choices have to do with Healthcare. So, here are the top 10.



1.
Pediatrician
2.
Child and Youth Worker
3.
Family Practitioner
4.
Mental Health Nurse
5.
Psychiatrist
6.
Physician Assistant
7.
Funeral Director
8.
Social Worker
9.
Licensed Practical Nurse
10.
Adoption Counselor

Included in the rest are a variety of different specialty doctors and nurses etc. Not so shabby huh?

It's down to the nitty gritty

There is now officially less than one month to the P.B. & J wedding. Believe me when I say, "yikes!"

Today Jellybean & I got our dresses fitted; J gets hers done next week. We finally found shoes for Jellybean after searching high and low in this place. We were getting desperate enough that we were almost to the point of paying the $40 for the ballet style shoes at the bridal store. Payless had some cute ones, a ballet style for $20 (unfortunately not in her size) but we found another cute pair of heeled sandals for $17.

Our good friend, Brenda threw a nice shower for J at the church and she got some lovely gifts from all the ladies there. On Saturday we are off to her mom's home town for another bridal shower.

Poor J is getting to the point where she is so terribly excited but she has had an emotional break down when it comes to leaving her brothers and sisters behind. She is afraid Bug will forget her and she figures that her wedding is the last time she will ever see LilB and Nat as neither couple can afford to travel to the visit the other.

We've also gotten to the point now where we are trying to organize hair appointments, nail appointments, straightening out crazy tan lines (thank God for that sunless tanning lotion) and all sorts of last minute details.

I can only imagine what the last 2 weeks and especially last week are going to be like.

I did however take the time today to make the kids some of their favorite summertime treats. At the moment we have yogurt popsicles, banana pops covered in chocolate with sprinkles, banana pops covered with walnuts and banana pops covered with strawberry yogurt in the freezer. Hopefully tomorrow I will get the chocolate pudding/graham cracker sandwich frozen treats made up.

On Monday I am sending an email to my boss to inform her that I am resigning from my switchboard position. I finally came to the decision even though emotionally I knew I wanted to do it a while ago. I love the position other than the fact that as casual staff I am there primarily on weekends and holidays. I don't want to be missing any more Christmases and I am wanting to make weekends free so we can spend more time as a family.

I should have done this a long time ago as I realized how fast the years are going; I mean, I have 2 kids married (almost) and another going to high school for crying out loud. I don't think we are doing that poorly in our finances that I need to sacrifice my time with my family or my friends anymore.

Crutches suck

...and that is all I have to say about that.




On crutches and off work for at least 5 days. Bummer.

Do I laugh or cry at this trainwreck?

I am an absolute wreck; I mean trade me in on a horse and shoot the horse...I am a mess. Tonight I was working at BPs. As I was taking an armfull of dishes to the dishpit I stepped on a lemon wedge that had fallen on the floor. My right foot went out from my center of gravity and down I went in a blaze of, well, the opposite of glory.

Right now, I have a slightly twisted left ankle, a really twisted right ankle, a sore left knee, my left arm hurts from preventing all the dishes from crashing and I twisted my back funny when I tried to catch my footing.

I told you I was a trainwreck. I wrapped my right ankle and am pushing through the slight pains everywhere else but what would I have done had I not landed on my knee and sort of "caught" myself? Would I feel better or would I be tonnes worse...?

It may be quiet from me...finals are coming next week as is Rush's grade 8 graduation!

I got a position!

That's right. It's temporary but it's a position at the hospital for the summer and it is full time! The tentative end date is for the end of September but it may be extended.

This next week BigB and I will be interviewing babysitters for the fall as our wonderful babysitter will be retiring this summer. We won't have to worry about not having one until the kids go back to school as Rush will be our full time sitter, earning herself some money.

It is, however, a pain in the butt trying to find one who doesn't smoke and can drive the kids to and from school or be close enough for the kids to walk with her.

Here's hoping one of them works out.

3 A.M.

Yes, it's 3 A.m. and I have come to a decision...coming off of night shifts completely suck!!!

I am now attemting to fall asleep on the couch because the 2 attempts in my bed have failed miserably.

And that is all I have to say on that.