Forgiveness...

Well, the dear ladies over at mamasaysom have picked quite a hard theme this week and a challenging one to boot.

Give me a second as I take a deep breath and muster up the courage to type what I feel I must.

I had a great childhood (one, however, with a few major valleys); my teenage years were a roller coaster of good and bad and my early 20's were hell. I've had a lot of things in my life that I have needed to "get over" and in order to do that, I needed to fogive.

I needed to fogive my mom for leaving us in a way that made me feel unloved, insignificant and disposable.

I needed to forgive my dad for "having it in for me" or so it seemed.

I needed to forgive my grandpa and grandma for leaving me "alone" when they passed away.

I needed to forgive the teenage boy who killed my second cousin when he hit him with his truck.

I needed to forgive my 2 friends who chose to end their lives one month apart.

I needed to forgive my roommate for betraying me.

I needed to forgive 3 boys/men for taking from me something I chose not to give...

I NEED to forgive myself for "allowing" them to hurt me and for allowing them to take from me something I couldn't afford to lose, my sense of pride, self-worth, self love and trust...

I NEED to forgive myself for the dark path I chose to go down afterwards and the dark hole I woke up in...

I NEED to forgive myself for giving up on someone very important in my life...me.

Why is it so easy to forgive other people and so hard to forgive yourself...?