Thursday, February 26, 2009


Yesterday, last night and a bit this morning I let my emotions and fears run me but, I got control of them once again and, now, tightly reined, I, once more, control them! One of Rush's biological aunts and her cousin (from her biological dad's side) sent her a message and a request for friendship through Facebook. We have not heard from these people in 7 years - any of them - and not through our disuading them. No, this has been all them and then they pop back into her life in the most non-committal way, email, and with no sense of remorse for the time or anything. (That is my vent and that is as far as that goes)

I was letting my fear of them hurting Rush, yet again, overtake me. This morning, during prayer, I could only squeak out my words amidst tears and sobs, praying that God won't let them hurt her or take advantage of her again. This morning at work, I rose so far above that feeling! God won't let that happen to her! How much more does He love her than I do or ever can!? He will equip her for whatever comes her way in this situation and He will equip us, her family, to help her with whatever situation comes her way.

One way or another though, these people need to get committed to being in her life or get committed to being out of it (this will be the end to their popping in and out of her life-one way or the other). This mama will not lay down like a rug and be walked over by anyone and the rules still apply; if Rush decides to go forth with this (and the decision is completely hers to make) it will be on her and my terms and with Rush's best interest at the heart of the matter. It will also be with the guidance of God.

I thank God for giving me the strenth to rise above this right hook that came out of nowhere; it may have caught me off guard and knocked me off balance but not for long and I am coming back swinging with all that I have and all the resources I have at my disposal. In other words, the tactic won't work. I read the book...and it says that my resource is a conquering king and a victorious warrior with fire in His eyes. Nice try. Sorry to burst your bubble...

As for the confusion that poor Rush is going through right now and the vomitting and lack of sleep she had due to this, I come against that and want her to know that I will be there with and for her every step of the way no matter which road she chooses and no matter what happens, just like always! No matter what you decide, Baby, I am with you, no matter the outcome. Dad & I are here to support your decision and to help walk you through whatever the terrain may be for you. Always remember that.

P.S. We won't pop...

I hope and pray they really mean this...

No comments: