I've got sunshine on a cloudy day...

When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May...

I guess you'd say what can make me feel this way...

My girl...

Talkin' 'bout MY GIRL!
Rush & I last Sunday on our girls' afternoon at BPs. Man I LOVE this girl!!!

New Years Day sliding adventures at Little Red

Jellybean climbing up the hill with one of the slides.

Take a look at the air Bug caught coming down the one side of the hill. It was wicked!

Here I am just waiting at the bottom of the hill to get some good pictures. I'm looking a little frosty in the eyelashes and hair.

Ah ha ha! BigB took a dive at the bottom; it was quite a wipe out on the same side Bug caught all his air.

It was a fun time- a little too cold to stay out very long though.

The best singing bug I've ever heard!

The Toothfairy Saga Continues

Dr. Daddy checking out the extremely loose tooth with Bug's buddy, Pink Panther. Look how brave Bug is!

There it is! Taken out by Daddy and his handy "dental tools". Can you see the shock, tears and laughter on his face?

Immediately following the loose tooth being plucked from its home...

There you have it folks, the evidence that she (the Tooth Fairy) has stolen my baby from me! And can you believe that she is ALL READY in the process of taking another one!? The tooth directly beside is all ready wiggling itself free to be replaced by yet another sign of oncoming adulthood!!!

She's leaving on a jet plane...

It has been quite a week, I'll tell you! Our van broke down the week before so we were driving the car. BigB thought he would try to boost the van with the car in hopes of reviving it and...the car quit. We thought it was the alternator but alas, it is some yet to be diagnosed problem. We will be working on it this weekend with hopes of it being on the road very soon. As a result of our vehiclelessness (I know! I know! What kind of word is that?) we have been overwhelmed with support from our church body/friends. They have been picking us up, taking us to work, school and church; we have had vehicles lent to us for periods of time and are currently getting to use Miss Teresa's car. (By the way, it has heated seats and I WANT A CAR WITH THOSE!)

Yesterday was our last day of Hebrew class and I will now be taking a bit of a hiatus from school in order to spend more time with the kids. I talked to Pastor Kevin about it on Tuesday and he thinks it is a good idea as well. Rush has been taking on the brunt of our absence and we want to remove some of that stress from her as much as we can; I offered it of myself as I am also finding our schedule, not hard or taxing, but I was finding it leaving me feeling void of some important "mom-time".

Rush & I got to go out for some "Mom/Daughter" time last Sunday. We went to BP's shared some Cactus Cuts, Twist Bread with pizza sauce and a small Boston Royale pizza. By the time it was all said and done we were too full to move and not sure how we were going to make it playing volleyball that next hour (but we did just fine). I loved getting to spend that time with just her & I and hopefully next time we go we can spend a bit more time visiting with each other. (One of my old bosses came for a visit which was nice but did take away from our time alone.)

Speaking of Rush, she has some excitement ahead of her. Last night she called us to let us know that she had been invited by P.K and S.T. to go to Toronto with them, their daughter and another friend. They will be flying (something she has never done before), going to Pastor Peter Marshall's church, going to China Town and Niagra Falls and hopefully living it to the fullest and enjoying the experience of different sites, tastes etc. I can't wait to see the pictures and to hear her stories. We are on a fast track to saving money for her to go as she will have airfare to pay, meals to pay for and a need/desire for spending money (and I would hate for her to go and not be able to enjoy a bit of shopping-that's what makes it the most fun for girls anyway). Our plan is to gather up all our pop cans/bottles and return them. Rush's school fees for Feb. are all ready paid so her only bill between now and departure is her cell phone bill. We are having faith that all the money she needs will be provided!

She leaves on the 18th so she has approximately 3 weeks to be prepared. I have 3 weeks to contain my excitement for her-having only ever gone 1 or 2 places outside of SK myself, I am bubbling over with joy for her and hope that she has an absolute blast with her friends!

Taking a trip...down memory lane

Our first family picture. Check out the mullet on BigB...

Rush & Pa set up a tent at the farm and went to have a nap. Fun times were had by all. She's winking at me in this picture.

Yeppers, that is my Rush in January or February of 1995. She was "dancing" to a song from off "The Fox & The Hound" at Grandma H's apartment.

A Wish for my friends in 2009

My Dad's cousin sent me this email that I found too cute to not share and it is, somewhat, my with for you all for 2009...

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words . . . May 2009 be the best year of your life!!!

The Tooth Fairy stole my baby!!!!

She did!!! And I am putting out an A.P.B. on her!!! She isn't very tall, resembles Tinkerbell and will most likely be carrying someone's tooth!!! She has stolen my baby from me!

Last night I was helping Bug brush his teeth when I noticed a tooth on the bottom left-hand side of his mouth was very wiggly. I informed him of my new found discovery and it sent him into gales of sweet, joyful giggles. It sent me into an instant flashback of my bald-headed, 7 lb 14 oz, toothless bundle of joy and how the years have disappeared with a blink of my eyes-just one blink. In that very instant the Tooth Fairy stole my baby from me.

He is quite a little man now. He holds doors open for me and asks how my day at work went, grabs a blanket for us so we can "nuggle" on the couch, loves to have me read "Love You Forever" to him and promises to take care of me for his whole entire life. Bug is now reading stories not by the words but through interpretting the story's pictures and he has come up with some grand tales and taken us on some incredible adventures and when he sees me his face lights up with joy and love when he sees me after even a brief absence. He loves holding my hand when we cross the street or are in aparking lot and without his hand in mine, mine feels a void.

So, I need to find this Tooth Fairy to give her a piece of my mind! She has stolen the other 6 all ready and I had just hoped for a little more time!!!

The Birds, The Bees and The Pharmacy Tech????

Last night Jellybean came downstairs to tell me that she just heard that someone we know may be pregnant. She also told me how it says in the Bible that being pregnant without being married is a sin. I told her she was pretty much right but that it's not the being pregnant but the having sex that is not right. She looked at me quite befuddled and quizically asked, "What does sex look like?"

PANIC raced through me!!!!!! Cra-ap!! Why did I correct her!? She would have been just fine thinking it was 'pregnant' at least for the next 15 years, right??? "What does sex look like?! What does it look like??!!!". I can hear that question pounding in my ears.

"Oh, honey, you don't need to worry about that right now. Mommy will explain it all to you when you are a little older. For now all you need to know is that it is something special between mommy's and daddy's."

LO-ONG, AWKWARD SILENCE......

"Mommy...? I think I know what sex looks like."

"Oh?", I whispered with my mind racing through all the things she could say so I could "plan" my response.

"Yeah. I think it looks like a vitamin."

I stifle a laugh.
"No, it isn't a vitamin but right now you are a bit too young to really understand what it is but, I promise, as soon as Mommy and Daddy think you are ready to understand I will talk to you and explain it. Okay?"

"Okay," she said, smiling sweetly at me as she bounded from my chair and out of my office.

"Whew!" I feel my lungs begin to exhale a huge sigh of relief and my heart rate slows to normal. I wiped the beads of sweat that had begun to form on my brow and began to wonder when WOULD she be ready? When would I?

I have been silent

But not because I have been mad or depressed or anything of that nature...not at all. I have merely been enjoying my week of Christmas Festivities and my week of family time! It has been fantastic. I was done work at 5:30 on Christmas Eve, went home and began helpin gBigB with the supper preparations for our traditional pig-out feast (homemade pizza, ribs, taco dip, cheese dip, cheese ball...it was great and we were all very stuffed) which we were blessed to share with some of our dear and newfound friends (just one of the great things 2008 brought us).

Christmas Day we spent with Pastor Rob; he is BigB's "brothah from another mothah" and I am his "Twisted Sister". It was great to be able to have him at our house enjoying the kids, the chatter, the laughter, the food and the Wii. Rush's biggest claim to fame that day was knocking out "Uncle" Rob in a game of Wii boxing.

I worked my first shift in ICU in about 1 1/2 years and it was a bit of a hair raising experience as we were fully loaded and a nurse shy with some very sick people...but I made it without needing resusitation myself. In fact, it was rather invigorating if I may be so bold.

On the 27th we had BigB's mom and dad over for the afternoon and a late lunch/early supper. They brought the other two kids with them, Tuff and the K meister! It was awkward at first as we haven't seen them since last January but it didn't take long for that to disolve! We had a lot of fun with them while they were here; they went home with P.B. & J on the afternoon of the 31st. That's right; they were here as well!

On the 29th I worked the morning in ICU and went for lunch with some friends from high school; we had fun chowing down on some good ole B.Ps until we were too stuffed to move. Good times; good times. The 30th is when P.B. and J came for the day; we visited and had supper with them and watched "Horton Hears a Who", our Christmas present from them. It was nice to have them with us and we were almost a complete family but having us that close to complete made the void that much more evident and painful. Perhaps next year...that's what the plan is sounding like so far! Definitely will be exciting to have the 9 kids with us if that works out!

The 31st I worked another half day in ICU, got my hair cut and colored and then went to church for service and food. What a great way to say goodbye to one great year and to hello to another with good friends and, most importantly, the presence of God.

I didn't get as much organizing done as I had first hoped as I didn't expect as much company nor did I plan on working-that was all last minute. I did get to completely go through our huge linen closet and tossed tonnes of stuff as well as find things that we no longer use that a friend of ours was able to make good use of! My linen closet is a thing of beauty at the moment-if a linen closet could be a thing of beauty! Regardless, it is very organized and 'purty'. Bug's room done. Linen closet done...it will be complete soon.

I guess this weekend is the official weekend of bringing down the tree. I am going to feel very good about getting my living room back in all of its square footedness. Oh and some great news on the new church building front...they were supposed to be putting the cement down today...step by step we are getting closer and closer! Can't wait!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

For those of you who are dreaming of a white Christmas, we have got some snow to come your way but, if you do take some of the snow you have to take the bitter cold and the windchill it has with it this year. We are in the midst of a cold snap that reminds me more of a late January day than a December one but that is ok because it simply means curling up at night with a blanket, snuggling with the family and enjoying a nice cup of hot chocolate...when we are home.

There have been some huge changes in our lives this year; it has been a year of stretching, restructuring and the like but it has all been great! BigB & I have both changed jobs and I, especially, am loving mine. I am now at Early Childhood Intervention as the Office Manager and BigB is over at Image Computers instead of us both being at the hospital. We are also building a new sanctuary as a church and we have helped out with that some; i have learned how to mud a bit and have become very efficient at painting trim and at sanding. Rush is also working-two jobs actually; she works as a cashier at Superstore plus she babysits every second week during the evenings for us and another family while we are at school.

Yes, BigB and I are classmates! We are both attending first year classes at World Revival Training Center and the classes, so far, have been incredible (some more work than others but all the same, incredible and life changing)! The kids have all left the public school system this year and are attending WRPS the A.C.E. school at our church and I have nothing but great things to say about that place and the education they are getting! Rush is even paying for her own tuition.

We have been incredibly busy as a family as we are striving to bring ourselves to a deeper place in our relationship with God and as a family. We have made some new and truly fantastic friends but have found ourselves in a position where we are pressed for time (but for great reasons) to get together with family and old friends and they are all greatly missed. I am in the process of fine-tuning the organization of our household and perhaps with the start of 2009 will come the beginning of some new found time.

Rush has spent this current school year learning sign language and is learning new words daily; we are so proud of her and how quickly she picked it up! She started to have bass lessons but they were momentarily halted due to time constraints on both parties, teacher and student. They will be picking them back up in the new year again. Her grades this year have been absolutely great and it is just an absolute joy to be around her. Rush's humor will leave you in stitches and well, she is overall just a great lady to be around. I almost called her a kid but she is 15 years old now and I guess my days of calling her a kid are over...

Jellybean is also doing great at school and has really loved transitioning to WRPS; she loved her old school, teachers and friends but there is a difference here. So far, her lowest mark this year is an 87% or something like that. Jellybean still loves her music and plucks away at her violin at times or her guitar at times. She is a little prayer warrior when she wants to be.

Bug still makes my morning every morning with the sweet look he gives me (like he hasn't seen me in 100 days). He is loving going to school and learning all about letters from Miss Pam. Poor Miss Pam! She has Bug and his two best buddies in her class who feed off of each other like a tornado; I just hope the three of them keep it to a dull gayle force wind for her instead of a full blown tornado... Bug is a worshipper; he has music in his bone marrow I am sure and we will "catch" him in the living room singing and dancing his heart out. He is still too "shy" around non-immediate family to do that in public but it is coming.

We have had a great 2008 and we are looking forward now, to an even better 2009! There is no telling what can and will happen in the new year but we are ready and eager for it to happen!

For you, our friends and family, our hope and prayer is for a healthy, happy, prosperous 2009! You all mean so very much to us and we love you all dearly. Merry Christmas!

Thus ends this latest bout of Teenagitis...

Sometimes I forget (like when she has a day or two of that dreaded, non-treatable disease Teenagitis-now don't get me wrong compared to most other teenagers Rush's Teenagitis is an extremely mild case but when you are used to your child one way any change can seem monumental) but my daughter is great! Fantastic even! I know, I know! It's probably not in the Mom Rule Handbook but I have to toot that horn for my kid, Rush! Toot! Toot! Toot!!!

Let me tell you why (not like you will neccessarily listen but as long as you're all ready here you may as well stay, right?) She is 15 years old, has a job, 2 jobs actually (she is a cashier at a grocery store and every second week babysits 4 other children as well as her brother & sister so the 4 parents can go to their classes), is paying for her own Christian schooling which is $143/month, is getting super fantastic marks in her schoolwork, does the Media Shout at the church and comes out to music practice when she isn't working. She makes supper for us so we can eat at a normal meal time during the week (and boy was last night's seasoned, garlicy asperagus fantasticly delicious! My taste buds are still screaming for more of that delicious veggie!), makes lunches for her, the kids & myself (at least on the weeks we are in classes) and last night we came home from our class (with our brains feeling like mush from the overwhelmingness of our Covenant exam) to find a sparkling kitchen. You guys, it was sparkling like a Mr. Clean commercial only it didn't have the bald headed dude with the earring in it. (Pity because that would have been cool!) Not only that, but, she had completely changed the kitty litter (ok, I will only give credit where credit is due. That has been a daily request for the last week but she FINALLY did it! YAY!!!) and she had (with the help of Jellybean doing her duties-again with the credit where it is due) gotten the mat for the entrance down...unfortunately that was also a battle to get done.

Rush has recently gone into remission from her Teenagitis; it is so great to look into her eyes and see a smile in there just begging to come out, to see a peaceful countenance on her, to hear her laughing with her brother & sister and to not hear sharp comments, rude retorts or see major eye-rolling an it is such a relief to not worry about the proximity of sharp objects (:D)! One thing I can say about Rush is her bouts of Teenagitis don't last very long and that is such a relief because one of the side effects to Teenagitis is that parents develop Parent-rage (similar to road rage) and there are times where it is pretty touch-and-go as to whether someone will get their tires shot out or not (:D).

This last bout wasn't very long but it was long enough that we missed our Rush with such an intensity. We thought perhaps she was lost forever in the clutches of Teenagitis; we were about ready to get her picture on a milk carton, brick of cheese, yogurt tube;any and all dairy products we could get our hands on was about to have her missing picture on it.

One of the most recent coversations we have had with Rush went something like this:

BigB: It's good to have you back, Baby.

Rush (soft and sweetly): It's good to BE back.

Brings tears to a proud mama's eyes just thinking about it.

Now her eyes are shining, her voice is its soft, sweet self, she is huggily and snuggily and thanks to her friend, Laura, she smells like "Amazmint" lipgloss and I get a craving for candy canes whenever she is around...Gee I love that girl!!!

Like a crocus poking its way to the surface.

That's how I feel today-so much more hopeful and full of life than yesterday. My feelings of general crapiness yesterday were the result of an oncoming migraine. Haven't had one of those in a while. I left work at 2:30 yesterday and headed straight to my beautiful bed, dark room and promptly found a cold cloth to put across my eyes. I had a wonderful sleep and felt a lot better when I woke up at 6:30 but still not great. At 10:30 I headed back to bed and fell into another deep, quick sleep (with the help of my dark room and, again, cold cloth) and awoke this morning feeling hopeful and like new life (that crocus poking out as winter tries to cling to itself and spring pushes forth for hope and joy...)

My butt she be draggin'

Is it just that today is "hump day" or is the last few weeks completely catching up to me? Today I feel weary; I am past tired-way past. I keep pressing on, pressing in and pushing past because it is not about how I feel but be that as it may, I am weary.

It could be that I "feel" a little bug coming on; my eyes hurt, my bones ache, my head seems helium balloonish and that that is what is causing my weariness that and I really need sleep.

I haven't had a good night's sleep in about a month with working full-time, night classes, homework and studying for night classes and some good, old-fashioned building project work. This week's classes are on covenant; it's pretty intense, a lot of heavy thinking, heavy re-thinking and re-vamping and a lot of cramming of information into my brain. It's been an incredible class so far; I just don't know if I am looking forward to tomorrow's exam and essay! I don't get a huge quantity of time to study and the time I do get isn't quality because it is rushed during breaks at work or after class when my brain is all ready overloaded mush.

This weekend is going to be nice family time but still, there is a lot to get done in a short two days. I have a breakfast with the worship team and then music practice until 1, our plan is to get the tree up and decorated (the house decorated too) and then on Sunday we have church service (which I know will do me a world of good for renewal), bigB has a media meeting immediately after the service (for an unknown length of time) and it sounds like we are going to be able to enjoy a nice visit with J while we decorate our gingerbread house (which adds one more thing to my list of things to do...must get the rest of the candy, fruit roll ups, etc for the gingerbread decorating party).

My body & mind are really looking forward to the week I have off at Christmas. Unfortunately for both of them I all ready have a list started as to things that need to get done then too...My body and mind are longing for white powdered sand beaches, greenish-blue waters, the heat of the tropical sun and a bed with no alarm clock just for 4 or 5 days (mind you, I have never experienced that so maybe once I got there I would want a lot more days or a lot less).

Let's play catch-up

There hasn't been a lot of stuff going on in our lives as of late but enough to keep us busy. Last week I was in classes outside of my regular class schedule. The topic last week was Kingdom Worship and the worship team was asked to take part in the class; it was extremely interesting and I am SO glad I was able to go. The only thing was that a lot of things I had hoped to get done didn't get accomplished but that's all right; they'll be there when I am ready. I am really looking forward to this week's class with Pastor Greg...Covenant.

I have finally begun to do some shopping. I found a great pair of American Eagle winter boots (regular $70) at Liquidation World for $10. We found the kids some clothes but man, were we all getting discouraged!!! It is very hard these days to find clothes that my children can wear to school (due to their dress code); it was almost impossible to find dress pants for Jellybean! We finally found 3 pair and a pair of leggings to go with her long tops...We finally found dress shirts for Bug but most boys clothes is rough and rugged. I guess there aren't many 5 year old boys that wear dress clothes more days of the week than not.

We were in "The City" this weekend enjoying a family Christmas meal with my mom, step-dad, brother, sister-in-law, their boys and my sister, brother-in-law and their boy. With that many people my mom had to get creative for us all to eat together and so, this was the first time in my life I have ever eaten Christmas dinner (or any meal for that matter) in the garage. We had a few laughs over that.

Saturday evening was, I think, the most fun of the day...some of us sat around the kitchen table and played a game of Scrabble (Rush won thanks to the help of Uncle :D) and then we played Guesstures. I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time; it was hilarious watching people try to act different words out (including myself) or guess the words that you were trying to act...

Rush finally had enough money saved up to buy herself a camera and an mp3 player so she is quite pumped. I got a new compact camera just for everyday lugging around...

Yesterday afternoon Rush & I were at the ECIP family's Christmas party; it was in the basement of a church here in town. It felt strange to be there at first...I hadn't been to that church since the funeral of my cousin who was killed while riding his bike 11 years ago (he was 11). Memories were awakened being there...

After the party the entire family headed over to Giant Tiger for a "Friends and Family" invitation only gathering. We got a few things we needed, a few extra things as well (we got 10% off) and the kids each got $5 gift cards to spend. Jellybean bought herself a Gatorade, a Lunchmate (ham) and a package of Juicy Fruit gum (just like Papa chews). Bug bought a big bag of spicy Dorritos and 2 packages of "Papa gum". They were both very proud of themselves (especially Bug as this was his first purchase ever!).

This week looks like another full week: classes Mon to Thurs, Church Friday, breakfast with the worship team and practice Saturday morning/early afternoon, decorating the house for Christmas with the family and perhaps (we haven't planned it yet) decorating the gingerbread house and ending the week off with Church again on Sunday! Looks like a good week! I am certainly glad that Superstore is open 24 hours this month...I may need that to get a few groceries here and there... :D

Is it THAT time of year all ready?

I can certainly tell that our lifestyle has changed quite a bit as a family. Here it is Dec 5 and I have barely started shopping...most that know me know I am usually done no later than mid-October. I haven't had a chance to even think about baking other than to know that we will make some of the cute little chocolate/cherry mice Donna from work made...maybe they will go with our gingerbread house.

The gingerbread house is another thing; it is a tradition and I have to admit I was getting a bit nervous as to when we would have a chance to all have time to put together a gingerbread house and get it decorated and be able to enjoy ourselves doing it-not throwing things on because we have to get going or something like that. Well, I found something at Liquidation World that will shave off the tedious (but extremely amusing-right Jen) part of assembling (That part is fun though...I don't know how many upside down or crooked chimneys we have had over the years or collapsed walls that needed major repair...good times, good times...) and it only cost $5!!!! It is a fully assembled, ready to decorate gingerbread house...Yay for Liquidation World!!!

The tree is another thing that is yet to be done but I am not entirely concerned with that; the month is still early. Growing up on the farm we went and picked out our tree 2-3 days before Christmas, let it thaw in the tub and we all put it up Christmas Eve Day...we all, mom, dad, us kids, the dog, a few cats and the horses would all walk through the pasture until we found the perfect tree. Fun times were had by all. That is a tradition that I really miss...

Mad Minute

Last night I learned that a "Mad Minute" is a military term used in reference to a point where an army (who is about to retreat) will expel all of its ammunition at their enemy so that they 1. don't have to carry it on their retreat and 2. don't allow it to fall into their enemy's hand. It doesn't say quite that much here but that is the essence of what was said last night. Sometimes this tactic will work to confuse the almost conquering side and they will believe that they are about to be defeated.

We had a moment last night where it seemed like that was happening to us; it's like Satan decided to fire all of his rounds in an attempt to confound us. For a brief, almost millisecond it started to work; we were at the door of a really great pity party just about to turn that knob to an uber fun night of sulking, pouting and wailing...only a millisecond though.

Last night, as we were walking out the door, our current babysitter called us to let us know that tomorrow will be the last day she can watch Bug and Jellybean after school. They are moving to a cheaper rental and it is an apartment and not a house therefore (and I understand) she feels it would be too loud to babysit any of the kids she was. The part that was momentarily knocking us on our butts was the fact that we really got no notice and we went into a state of initial shock. We had just overcome this battle a month ago with not having a sitter and a few weeks, again, before that. (The same people were watching other kids so we know that we are not the only ones who have had this recurring battle.)

BigB & I were too into our momentary pity to listen to God for a solution. We decided, for a brief moment, that our problem had probably taken God by surprise and that He didn't know this had been coming so how would He have a solution for us. Obviously we didn't consiously think that but that is what our behavior screamed. Boy, were we dorks! :D How is our problem too big for a God who is in control of this great big universe? To put us in perspective, here is what Pastor Terry said to us: think of your problems like this. There is a great big universe and in it the Milky Way and in that our planet called Earth and in that our country called Canada and in that our province and in that our city and in our city there is me and BigB and our GREAT BIG problem...sort of makes you feel a little foolish about dwelling on some of the things a person dwells on...

Why is it that in our selfishness we think that God wasn't aware, even before time began, that we would find ourselves faced with certain situations? Why is it that we feel focusing on our problem is going to make it go away? Remember high school? Remember focusing on that "huge" pimple on your face that no one else saw but to you it was big enough to carve your very own Mount Rushmore on? Didn't make the pimple go away did it? In fact, it was pretty much a waste of time and energy to just focus on that pimple.

Last night, after our brief moment of falling on our butts, BigB & I realized how silly it was for us to focus on our problem; it's not that big in the grand scheme of things and it didn't surprise God. He was not panicking last night, pacing the floors of Heaven saying, "Oh how did this get past me?! What now!? What am I going to do?!" We needed to focus on the solution as soon as I hung up from that phone call. We needed to say "God, we are in covenent with you. Your Word says that You will provide for all our needs and right now we are in need of a babysitter. What are You going to do about it?"

You know what? Within an hour and a half of not having a babysitter and, momentarily, feeling all hope was lost, we had a new babysitter. This is a probable temporary solution that may turn into a more permanent one; who knows right now? I may not know and she may not know but God does and that is all I need to know.

Mad minute tactics diverted; we didn't fall for that trick! Thank you, Pastor Terry, for your time, for your wisdom and for giving us The Word "machine gun-style" so there was no room for our thoughts, fears and goofiness. Thank You, God for Your faithfulness even when we detoured off the road of faith and found our way onto that road of fear, as momentarily as it was! Thank You for Your provision and for supplying our needs always!!!

Smiling and working. Working and smiling...

Life has been good mainly because God has been and is good! We have all had our share of the cold that has been making its rounds. It has imbedded itself a little more deeply into some than others. Me, for instance.

Yesterday I got the chills; I got them so badly it felt like I was never going to warm up, like my bones were frozen solid. BigB was here to pick me up when I finished work; we got some gas and went to Chicken Chef for supper (all the kids were out). Immediately after we rushed home to get changed so we could go to the church to get some more work done there. I was in my warmest clothes complete with toque that I refused to take off. Due to picking up the kids from the sliding/play date I left the church at about 8, got home, got the kids to bed and put myself to bed, hoping to finally warm up. I must have during the night as I woke up this morning feeling a lot better.

Tonight is more of the same: rush home to gulp down supper, get changed into my paint clothes and head to the church. I have no idea if I am painting tonight or not but whatever it is, it will be fun! We always have fun there. Our church family is such a great group of people! I can honestly say that I have never attended a church where the people pull together so much and are so happy to do whatever is required with such a positive attitude as I have seen at WRC! It is such a joy to know that this is the kind of environment we are raising our children in!!!

Off to paint or mud or sand or...who cares!? I am off to have some fun!

"Hello, this is your calling"

Wouldn't it be nice if it really happened that way, you pick up the phone and there is an audible voice telling you what it is that you are supposed to do with your life? Don't get me wrong, I know what my overall purpose in life is but, what I don't know is what am I supposed to do with my life or how am I supposed to fulfill that purpose I guess would be an even better question. I really thought it was to go into Nursing-from the depths of my being even but as I pray on it it doesn't seem right. My friend and mentor, Wayne, says that they see me doing something with children. Yes, but what?! I love children! I have 7 of them. That seems vague to me right now...something with children. That is such a broad spectrum that I would like that "phone call".

Don't get me wrong; I love my job but, I have no plans to be an office manager for the rest of my life. I am a creative person and need a job where I can be creative. My first real "what-do-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up" moment was journalism...photojournalism more specifically. I dreamed of going to far off places and capturing life and all aspects of it. I don't think that is really what I am supposed to do either although I still LOVE photography!

BigB says that he feels I will be doing something creative as well; he uses the term "with my talents". I am not sure if I know what my "talents" even are.

Ideally, I would like a job where I can work part-time and be with my kids a lot more than I am and have the freedom to be creative. When I don't have time to flow creatively, in some way (scrapbooking, making cards, writing, taking pictures...) I feel like a blanket is being thrown over a fire exhausting it of its life supply. I feel the same when I feel I have not had the opportunity to "be" mom & wife enough during the course of a week. I need the time to put those hats on as well or I begin to feel like a failure in that aspect of my life.


I guess for now I just need to be patient, ask for clearer vision and wait for the "phone" to ring...

Thoughts on death.

Today marks the 9th anniversary of the death of BigB's little brother.

Jellybean turns 8 years old in little under two weeks.

I wonder how pretty well the same course of time can seem like forever AND just like yesterday at the same time. It seems like we have had Jellybean in our lives forever; I can't imagine what it was like without her but similarily, it seems just like yesterday that I was startled awake by that phone call in the middle of the night telling us about the accident that took Perry.

Does the death of someone actually get easier or do you just develop better coping skills as the years go on?

Does it become less painful or different painful for parents who have had a child taken from them?

Personally, it becomes different painful...

How can Jellybean, who never met her uncle, miss him and love him so very much that her heart breaks when she thinks of him? I have held her as she sobbed from the very depths of her heart for the uncle she has never met and yet, has always loved.

What words do you say to the father who is greiving so, 9 years later, still thinking and angry at God for taking his son away from him?

What thoughts are going through his friend's head right now, remembering where he was 9 years ago? Does he still condemn himself thinking he could have done more?

How does one get through the days leading up to and past this one...? Simply: One day at a time, one hour at a time.

Mom & Dad: We love you so very much and though we have our own grief, can not fathom yours. We are praying for you that peace may find you in your sleep and in your waking hours and that the burden is just that much lighter...