I'm on the verge of losing "it"...whatever "it" is

I had given up, given up on school(LPN) and simply going for my Special Care Aide. Why? That answer is incredibly simple; in order to get into school for my LPN I have to get my grade 12 math and upgrade my biology. I decided it was going to be too hard to do that so I quit before I even started.

No, I did start because I had gotten my name on the waiting list for the high school classes and I just got my letter stating that my start date is April 20. and I set it down and told everyone that I didn't need that because I had simply decided to go for something else.

At work last night, and by that I mean BP's, one of the RN's that I know was there with his RN wife. I didn't serve them but I was at the till when he came to pay and we began talking about work and why was I at BPs too. I told him of my going to school for the SCA once Bug is in school full time and about how I had wanted to do the LPN but gave up. I got a bit of a lecture from him and needless to say he put a lot of thoughts back in my head and I woke up this morning, called my boss, made arrangements to be off work for 10 weeks and called the school to confirm my spot.

I am now in the middle of freaking out because I won't have any income and how am I going to pay for a full time sitter with no money and all that jazz. My biggest fear right now though is my fear of failing which is why I had mentally given up on school in the first place. There are a couple of possibilities for me with CanSask giving me some sort of allowance (seems unlikely but I am going to push it until they tell me no or YES) and then there is Provincial Training Allowance that I will be checking into through the school once that lady gets back to me. I have also come to the conclusion that I can get more shifts at BP's if I change my availability with them for those 10 weeks so things will work out. I would just really love to be able to do it with out our having to go further into debt or me working myself into a frenzy with school, work and homework. I would love to be able to concentrate a lot more on schoolwork than work.

The bonus is that the schooling is free so I don't have to worry about paying for that AT ALL; our only concern would be babysitting and the bills that I was paying for out of my checks. I am hoping and praying for a big income tax return so we can use that as well.

I am terrified of going back to school as any adult is; we all have those same fears. Can I do it? Am I smart enough? Will I have enough time? Will the other kids like me...(grin).

I can do it. I can do it...I CAN do it! Can I do it...?