Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I'm on the verge of losing "it"...whatever "it" is

I had given up, given up on school(LPN) and simply going for my Special Care Aide. Why? That answer is incredibly simple; in order to get into school for my LPN I have to get my grade 12 math and upgrade my biology. I decided it was going to be too hard to do that so I quit before I even started.

No, I did start because I had gotten my name on the waiting list for the high school classes and I just got my letter stating that my start date is April 20. and I set it down and told everyone that I didn't need that because I had simply decided to go for something else.

At work last night, and by that I mean BP's, one of the RN's that I know was there with his RN wife. I didn't serve them but I was at the till when he came to pay and we began talking about work and why was I at BPs too. I told him of my going to school for the SCA once Bug is in school full time and about how I had wanted to do the LPN but gave up. I got a bit of a lecture from him and needless to say he put a lot of thoughts back in my head and I woke up this morning, called my boss, made arrangements to be off work for 10 weeks and called the school to confirm my spot.

I am now in the middle of freaking out because I won't have any income and how am I going to pay for a full time sitter with no money and all that jazz. My biggest fear right now though is my fear of failing which is why I had mentally given up on school in the first place. There are a couple of possibilities for me with CanSask giving me some sort of allowance (seems unlikely but I am going to push it until they tell me no or YES) and then there is Provincial Training Allowance that I will be checking into through the school once that lady gets back to me. I have also come to the conclusion that I can get more shifts at BP's if I change my availability with them for those 10 weeks so things will work out. I would just really love to be able to do it with out our having to go further into debt or me working myself into a frenzy with school, work and homework. I would love to be able to concentrate a lot more on schoolwork than work.

The bonus is that the schooling is free so I don't have to worry about paying for that AT ALL; our only concern would be babysitting and the bills that I was paying for out of my checks. I am hoping and praying for a big income tax return so we can use that as well.

I am terrified of going back to school as any adult is; we all have those same fears. Can I do it? Am I smart enough? Will I have enough time? Will the other kids like me...(grin).

I can do it. I can do it...I CAN do it! Can I do it...?


Joanne said...

You know that I know what I speak of here right? YOU CAN DO IT!!

Congratulations, I am proud of you lady!!!!!!!

tanby said...

ang, i did it and i know you can do it too, i have faith in you. just believe. love you lots

Anonymous said...

Oh wonderful.....Prayers are with you and if you EVER need anyting I might be able to give please do not hesitate to ask. Asking is the only way that your friends know what you need.

Love Mom said...

Thanks for the support, guys and Steph, thanks for the offer. I will definitely let my friends know if I need help.