How rude...

This weekend seems to have arrived and left without me being notified; I really think it passed by me without so much as a 'hello'. Yesterday afternoon the kids and I went over to my dad's for a visit and had a nice time with Pa, Grandma and UncleS (who by the way was in a lot of pain due to another cowboy related wreck...oh, my nerves...) and then it was time to get home to make supper. Too hot to cook inside and BigB was at a demolition derby towing the demolished cars off the field. What were we going to do since he is the official bar-be-quer? I gave in to my bar-b-que'ing virginity (since the only thing I have really cooked on the bar-b-que before was hotdogs) and made steakettes (big step up heh?) and veggie packets. Turned out pretty darn good, if I do say so myself. I only was blinded a few dozen times do to smoke flare ups.

Today BigB and I drove around town looking for the last store to sell advanced wrist bands for the Ex as we are taking the kids on Saturday. The 2 youngest can make due with us just buying tickets for but it is for Rush's birthday and we wanted her to be able to go on whatever she wanted; plus, I am sure, the kids will want her to go on a few rides with them that she wouldn't normally want to use her tickets on.

Jellybean had her friend, Tamika, over for the afternoon and the 2 of them played in the paddling pool, had water fights and ate popsicles. I walked them home and on the way back we stopped to say goodbye to a couple who attends the church we once did and he kindly gave us a hose reel for the waterhose (which we have been wanting to get but haven't had the funds to spend for one yet. Nice blessing) and Jellybean got herself a nice teddybear from them which she promptly named...yes...Strawberry Shortcake. I suggested a few other names and she finally chose Molly but her nickname will be Strawberry Shortcake. Oy!

I just sat down at my computer after blanching some asparagus to put in our freezer as well as some dill and cilantro. May I say that the weekend is pretty much done and it never even let me know it showed up.

Next weekend will pretty much be the same thing. I work a lot this week: Mon-Thur is 8-4:30 (and Ithink we will most likely take the kids to the parade tomorrow night), Fri I woek a 12 hour night so 7-7; I will then come home and sleep for a couple of hours and then take the kids to the Ex Saturday afternoon. Sunday I work a 9 hour day and then I work a 12 hour day on Monday. After that, aside from being burnt out, I think I might have a couple days off to hopefully recouperate and reintroduce myself to my family. I will also be spending the week mourning the loss of Rush's childhood as she officially becomes a teenager on Thursday.

Body Image vs Self Image...mine sucks

For the longest time, I have been dealing with my weight. Okay, if I were to be brutally honest I would say for the last 18 years I have been struggling with my weight. My struggles have, up until now, been of a different sort than most. I was/am anorexic/bulemic; don't get me wrong when I say "am". What I mean by "am" is that although I am not a practicing bulemic or anorexic anymore, I fight those demons just about every day of my life.

People would always tell me I was too skinny and that I needed to gain weight. I would look at myself and see fat and at 5'6 and 100 pounds I was far from fat. Now that I am heavier than that I have an extremely difficult time trying to figure out what a healthy weight loss goal would be. What I see is still not what others see. If I were to guess how much weight I want to lose I would say 50 pounds but others tell me there is no way I have 50 pounds to lose. I DO have weight to lose; I just don't know how much would be healthy and I don't want to get sick again.

Most people don't realize what an oxymoron it is to hear someone say (whether it is factual or not) that anorexia/bulemia are a person's way of maintaining control because you have no control over it. It has control over you and I do not want to go through that again. I am trying to do this the healthy way. I am trying to watch what I eat; I have been, spuratically keeping a food journal (time to get serious). I am trying to get disciplined to do pilates regularily and tonight I went for a walk/jog. (I read in a magazine that to start out it would be more beneficial to me to walk a while, jog a while, walk a while, etc.)

I hope I'll be more disciplined about this because I am really struggling with what I see in the mirror and I don't need to be a bad example to my kids, especially my girls. I beat that eating disorder crap once for Rush and I don't plan on needing to beat it again.

The summer so far...

Even with all the working I have been doing this summer, I think we have managed to have some fun this month so far. We haven't had a chance to do any camping yet but that will come. Our activities have, up to this point, included branding, Batoche, Ft. Carlton, playing with good friends, a birthday party and the lake. May I present to you, July in pictures...

Canada Mourns Again

Making headlines all across Canada...

Remember our RCMP and their families during this tragic time.
A trust fund has been set up for the small children of these slain officers; you can find more information here.


Thank you for all you did for us.
Rest in Peace

Today is your birthday!!!

Three years ago today Bug and I were in the maternity ward, room #14. Three years ago today I was holding my beautifully and perfectly made son and cocooning him in one arm. Three years ago today my heart swelled with pride and love. Three years ago today I was nervous because I thought I was going to make a terrible mom to a boy and not know how to take care of him. Three years ago today I was struggling to get out of bed due to pain from a third and final c-section and three years ago today I couldn't think of a pain more worthwhile. In case you haven't figured it out, my handsome, smart, delightful Bug is three years old today (and as a side note, my dad is...ahem...45...ahem...sort of...).





















Buddy, you are one of the best things to ever happen to me. I am so proud of you, of the heart you have, of the determination you posess and of the little man I have watched you grow into. Your smile, sparkling, mischivious eyes, deep dimples, contagious giggle and zest for life make me fall in love with you all over again. Mama loves you so much-to the depths that I have not yet seen nor felt. I still can not fathom the incredible love I feel for you. You make me proud to be your mama.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you so much. You have given so much of yourself to and for me and, because of that, I owe a debt to you I can never possibly pay.

Sure sign

Sure sign your 5 year old has watched too many Visine commercials:

"Do you have something for eyes? 'Cause mine eyes is dried out."


Sure sign your 3 year old could make a darn good living as a politician:

After drinking all of his juice he poured his sister's into his cup while she was out of the room. Upon her return she began drinking her juice again and her brother freaked out that that was his.

Me: That's Jellybean's juice, Bug.

Bug: But my cup.

Me: But it's Jellybean's juice.

Bug: yeah, but it my cup...


Sure sign your almost-teenager is getting extremely close to being a teenager:

You ask her to wash, dry and put laundry away and you find all the laundry (from youngest kid's to pre-teen's clothes, towels, dish clothes etc) in Jellybean's dresser drawers and when you ask why most of Jellybean's clothes aren't put away, her reply is "She has too many clothes and they won't all fit, maybe you need to give some away." Say what!!!

Sure sign you have been a parent of for way too long:

You think this is all incredibly funny however, you can't wait until pre-teen gets home from her grandpa's house so you can string her up by her toenails and pummel her with an organic carrot.

Am I on crack?

Seriously, people, am I? It is 9:30 a.m. and so far today I have done 2 loads of laundry, gone to work and back to pick up a paper I needed, cleaned up Bug's cheerio mess, tattooed my kids, checked my email, chatted with a friend on MSN and had a nap...whatever will I do for the rest of the day?

Looks like more laundry, cleaning Jellybean's room with her help, picking up a few groceries from Superstore, figuring out what to make for supper, possibly baking some cookies before it gets too hot in here, order Bug's birthday cake because he will be "Free" (3) on Friday and I just don't even know what else....I feel a nap coming on.

What a day.

No, seriously. What a day. This morning the kids and I got ready and headed over to Dixie's house shortly after 9. I had all ready been asked about 12 times when we were going. So, the kids all had a blast playing in the wading pool and slide, garden hose, sandbox and attempting to be naked. Dixie and I baked a pie. Well, Dixie baked it; all I did was slice a couple of pears. It was quite good; she and I had that for a snack. Yummy! Jellybean, Bug and I headed home for lunch, ate a quick bite and headed out to run a couple of errands.

While I was at Dixie's we were looking at her flower beds and I got it in my head that I was going to get rid of the delphiniums that are taking over my flowerbeds and sidewalk. They are more of an eye-sore than anything. While Bug was napping Jellybean and I pulled flowers, weeds and did some transplanting and rearranging in the flowerbeds. It is 6 now and I just walked in the door. Feeling a good about the day I had as well as a tad bit crispy. I noticed my shoulders when I went to wash my hands for making supper...I look and feel a tad bit lobsterish but just on my back and shoulders. Ah, it was a good day though.

Ode to a Big Sis

Thanks, R, for everything you are and everything you make me want to be. Thanks for trusting me with your problems and for helping me with mine. Thanks for being there to laugh with, to cry with, to have fun with and to just sit and be with. I am so very proud to be your sister and I love you so much. Happy birthday to you my dear. I love you.

Oy!!!

I hurt! Not emotionally; not mentally...I hurt physically. My stomach muscles have decided to rebel against my attempts to get fit. Pilates! Uggh! I enjoyed it; don't get me wrong and...it is sort of a good hurt...sort of. Tonight was the first time I had done these, aside from the time Dixie and I did them in her living room.

It may be difficult for me to do this tomorrow but I'll be darned if I am letting my stomach muscles beat me!!

I WILL do Pilates tomorrow. I really, really will!

At rest...

Megan's fight ended last night.

And life goes on...

Two years ago, we were celebrating LilB's graduation and a co-worker and his family were watching their daughter of the same age fighting for her life as she began a fight with a double lung transplant (among other things). At the time, it saddened me, knowing that this young girl, who went to the same school and was in the same grade as LilB was fighting a battle no one that age should have to. She lay in the hospital fighting as her friends walked across the stage graduating. Life went on...

LilB was in the process of planning his wedding with DearN, one of the happiest times in a person's life and Megan was getting sick again and found herself in and out of the emergency ward time after time, her wedding day so far from her mind. LilB got married; Megan got sicker...and life went on...

Today I went to work and found out that Megan has been admitted to the Medical/Palliative ward of the hospital fighting, once again, for every breath she takes. Her family was called in; she is in isolation and the doctors are not giving much faith to her survival. And life goes on...

It is so hard and so unfair to think what this family and, especially, this young girl, has endured in the last few years. I am saddened by my granny being so close to death, someone who has led a great and complete life-someone who has lived to see great-grandchildren.

Megan, is laying in a hospital bed and it is very probable that she will not live to see her wedding day let alone great-grandchildren. It is so unfair that this wonderful family needs to endure this. We shouldn't have to worry about our children this way. It makes other problems seem so petty and so selfish. Megan struggles for each breath, for each kiss, for each hug, for each fleeting moment and, somehow...life goes on...

Please, please pray for this family. They need every prayer, every positive thought, every ray of hope we have to offer them. Right now, they need God to give them the strength to make it through each minute of her life and, if it should happen, every minute after her passing. Pray for peace, for strength and for calmness and please, please don't take your kids' and their lives for granted. You never know how long you have with that precious gift.

What a treat!

Last weekend when we were at the park Jellybean gave me and her AuntieR lots of treats like the one shown in the picture. Every time she saw a flower she was picking it and distributing the flowers between Auntie and Mom. It reminded me so much of when I was a kid and picking flowers for my mom and granny.




This week's theme at Mamasaysom.

Okay, I Did It!!!

I have been moaning and complaining long enough and I finally decided that it was time to do something about it so...with BigB's "permission" (for lack of a better word) I quit Housekeeping. I am pretty nervous about this, wondering if I will be getting enough hours with the other positions I have but I know that I just need to have faith and trust in God and let Him take care of that stuff. My priorities right now are spending time with my kids and my husband, helping Jellybean with her schoolwork, getting Bug potty trained, spending some good quality time with Rush before she reaches the age that she wants nothing to do with me and other stuff like that. I may even be able to spend more time with my family and friends. Can you imagine that? So, I did it. I am nervous as a mouse at a cat convention but I did it...

How?

How do you say thank you to someone who met you as a half grown kid and opened her arms to welcome you into her family no questions asked and accepted you as her grandchild with no hesitation? How do you say thank you to that same woman who not only accepted you and your children but your step-children as well and who loved them all to pieces?

How do you not cry and how does your heart not break as you hear her say those words...that she is ready to die? How do you not cry when she whispers that she loves you as you are leaning in to give her what is probably the last hug you ever will? How do you not find her the epitimy of beauty and grace as she lies in that bed and with more peace than you can fathom tells you that she has had a full and good life and that you don't need to cry for her?

How do you not admire her strength when she tells you that despite her illness she is feeling no pain and despite all the morphine she is sharp as a tack...her memory never failing?

How do you keep your composure as she tells you not to cry for her? How do you keep from telling her that you are not only crying for her but crying for you because you are about to lose someone so special?

How do you say goodbye as you walk out the door when you want to say see you soon?

GG, we love you! You are a terrific woman, an incredible role model, a spectacular grandma and great-grandma. I am not going to say goodbye to you; I will only say, "see you later".

Great weekend

The kids and I had a great weekend. We went to the farm on Saturday and helped with branding UncleS' cattle and by helped I mean I took the pictures. My job was photojournalism. We had a lot of fun with the 3C's, UncleS, AuntieR, GmaNpaK,UncleD and his daughter and son-in-law. After branding came food...yummy. We had a nice barbeque then the kids played while AuntieR and I had a nice nap on the couches. Ah, relaxation!! I got a bit sunburned and by a bit I mean my face was RED; what can I say, I have sensitive skin.

On Sunday we met the 3C's, UncleS and AuntieR at the Walmart parking lot and went off to Batoche for another fun filled day of family togetherness. It's been a while since we have been able to do anything together (way too long) and so as much as I hated to miss church on my one Sunday off in who knows how long, I really wanted to be with them. We had a good time. It did get a bit long for the kids when we were late going for lunch because we were in the middle of walking around the battle field. At one point Jellybean told AuntieR and I that she was tired, hungry and needy. Well, we heard needy apparently she said itchy. Needy makes for a better and funnier story. Perhaps I will put up pictures tomorrow.

Progress?

I don't want to get too excited because I don't want to jinx it but...

We may have potty training progress!!!! Wahoo!!! We spent the weekend with my brother and sister and their kids. Bug got to watch the boys out on the farm (who will just go where and when they need to. You know, like you do on a farm). I think it intrigued him because just a few minutes ago I got him to stand up and take a pee in the toilet. I then proceeded to put him in his brand new Batman gotchies as a reward and to help him feel like a big boy. Let's see if we have made progress in the peeing area and then we will graduate to the pooping.

I am excited but still nervous just in case we still have a ways to go. He will be 3 in 3 weeks. Here's hoping...