Given Up

I had given up. Honestly, I had. I was done. I brought out the shovel and was prepared to dig a hole and bury my dream. I have a glimmer of hope now...just tonight. For over 2 years now, I have dreamed of going to school for Nursing (I think I secretly have wanted to for a long time but just thought that I could never do it). I worked at a care home to see if I would actually like it, if I was cut out for night shifts and if I could actually hack some of the things I would have to contend with. I did it and I LOVED it!

What was the problem? My husband makes too much money for me to get a student loan; I can't get a personal loan for enough to pay for school and for us to still be able to afford our monthly bills(the payments would be murder for us). I prayed; I begged God even but it didn't seem like it would actually ever happen. It still may not but there is hope now that I had given up on. Without beating myself up over it, I will explain what I mean. I shouldn't have given up. I feel like I gave up on God providing for me so, a part of me feels badly about that. That being said, here is my hope. Bill is talking to a guy tomorrow about a different job, one that is still in P.A. (don't freak out R.). It pays more, the hours will be harder and it will be a big adjustment but...it will be enough that I wouldn't need to worry about working plus we would be able to save enough in order for me to be able to afford to go.

He doesn't have the job yet but I have that glimmer of hope that I am going to hang onto. Over all these years and everything that I have been through (and that God has brought me through) I should never have given up. I am going to try to not give up on this again. I think I am feeling a bit of desperation as I am 31 years old, not getting any younger, and it is just now that I am realizing what I want to be when I grow up. OI!!! This would have been SO much easier if I would have figured this out when I was jsut out of high school (but I don't think I was in a place to want to do this then) or at least when I first left Cherish's dad and was able to get help from student loans.

Here's to this working out and to me perservering...Never give up!!!!