Saturday, August 25, 2007

Pretending

Sometimes it is hard to pretend you don't feel what you do and sometimes it can be pretty easy. I have spent a year pretending that I didn't feel what I did, pretending I wasn't hurting any more but I still am. I wasn't doing a good job of pretending; the hostility was evident at times, the tension strong at others. Today I needed to stop pretending. Today I did a lot of crying. Today I stopped pretending...as much. Today I listened to Coldplay sing "Fix You" over and over. Today I realized I am not sure if I wanted to be fixed and I also realized I am not sure if I even know how to allow myself to be fixed. Some know the hurt, others will think they know but don't, others have no clue and others still never will. For those of you that know you know I am pretending...

3 comments:

Dixie said...

Hey, I'm praying for you!!! It's tough facing up to all of these complicated things in our lives. And it's tough to know when we should put on a brave face and when you should admit what's going on.

Love Mom said...

Thanks for the prayers, Dix. You know what the story is.

Heh! Are you home tomorrow late afternoon? I have to bring you your Mary Kay money and we will be that way to get Jellybean's haircut.

Randall said...

The human heart has a thousand secrets and I'm coming to understand that it's when we start to face those secrets that life starts to increase. Growth happens.

Hang in there Ang. It is good that you know and name and walk through some of those secrets these days. Even though it's difficult.


And good work on going back to school. That is impressive.

:)