Dear Auto Glass Repair Man

Hi, Yes, it is I, the lady whose car you have at your shop. You know, the one who was told to be home at a quarter to one to ensure I was home for you to pick up my vehicle? The one who needed to take an hour off work to be home in time for that one o'clock pick up? Yeah, that one.

Well, one o'clock came and went and there was no sign of you so I called my husband, who is working about 5 hours away right now to make sure I had the right time and to double check that I had the right day. Um, I did. You didn't show up. My husband called you at 1:15, and you said you were on your way. I am thinking that you need to get your GPS checked or replaced as I know where your shop is and I know where it is in conjunction with my house and there is no way it should take one and a half hours to get from there to here. Um, now that I mention it, it only takes 15 minutes to get from one side of this town to the other and THAT, sir is if you hit every red light along the way.

I know you don't really care but I do have a lot of things to do as a mom and there are a great many of them that involve me needing my car and that don't involve me sitting at home waiting 2 hours for you to come. I have now had to recruit my father to pick up the little boy from my house, take him to the school so he can be reunited with his mother and so he can pick up my daughter. I realize that lunch is the most important meal of the day. Oh, it's not? That would be breakfast? Then, sir, I don't understand why our one o'clock "right after lunch" appointment has been detained for so long. I certainly hope it wasn't because you had to send your steak sandwich back because it was over-done, tough and chewy, and all your little garage friends had all ready eaten and you were still waiting for yours and when it came you had to eat all by yourself while your friends stared at you because they were all done. (Excuse me while I pause to breathe after that incredibly long, run-on sentence.)

Sir, I appreciate the fact that you did eventually show up, looking like a grease monkey. (Oh wait, you kind of are, except you work with glass not oil and the like so how, pray tell, did you get that filthy?) I know my car doesn't look like much, especially with that whole back window thing happening but I am really hoping that you put down one of those seat protector paper thingys. (Don't look at me like I am stupid. You know what I mean.) This car carries very precious cargo; it carries my kids to and from school and the food I feed them from the store to my house; it also transports us, dressed in the finest we have, to church. Please take care of it and try to keep it clean.

Oh, just so I know, the whole 5:00 ready thing? Yeah, is that still a go, since the whole 1:00 pick up thing was delayed by almost 2 hours? I would hate to pack up my kids, bother my dad for yet another ride today, get to your shop to find out that someone brought doughnuts for coffee time and your coffee order was messed up. I'd hate for that to have happened to you.

Just out of curiosity, you don't happen to be related to the cable guy or the phone man? No? Oh, no reason; just wondering.

By the way, I do appreciate you fixing my car. These Canadian winters can be tough and, while it is certainly beautiful now, I know that winter will rear its 'ooglay' head again so, having a glass barrier between it and us will be really swell.

Fiesty!

Jellybean was playing a bit of Wii boxing last night. Here is what I heard during her match.

Oh! Yeah! You want a piece of me? You want a piece of the birthday girl?

C'mon! How do you like that? And that? How 'bout that?

Huh? Is that making you hungry?

You wanna knuckle samich?

Huh? You hungry? I can give it to ya!

You likin' that?

I'm not even breakin' a sweat here! You're probably tellin' your friends I'm a pro. Heh, bro! Take it!

You can't take down the birthday girl!

I'm all over this thang! Oh yeah, that's right. Take that! Gettin' beat by a girl!

5...6...7...8...9...10

and that's a knockout!

Suckah!!!!

Oh yeah, people, she is fiesty!

Rest easy, my friends

Bug just now promised me, as I tucked him into bed, that we will NOT take over the world using science.


Do you feel safer?

I know I do.

Jush tah lek you know

Ah put way to mush peanud budder on ma sanwishch.

Pleass God, don' lek dah phone wing! Thanssss

How Do I Taste, Moby?

The evening of August 18 BigB & I watched a movie with Rush, Finding Nemo to be exact. She knows ALL the words; she can recite them perfectly even without the movie playing. It sparked some interesting conversation.

→ Rush wants to be able to sit in the mouth of a Blue Whale but only if it won't eat her. Why? So she can say "How do I tast, Moby?! Huh?".
→ This lead to a conversation about how horrible it would be to be swallowed by a whale and die due to digestion.
→ She wants to be able to eat Blow Fish because one wrong cut or mistake during cooking and it "could" kill her; she thinks that would be a thrill. However, she thinks people who play Russian Roulette are idiots. Odd...
→ She wants a salt water tank with all the main characters from Finding Nemo.
→ She named the log in her terrarium "Logwannahawkaloogie".
→ She thinks it would be great to have an animal that "could eat me walk past me, as long as they can't see me so they can't eat me."
→ Rush's comment on Darla (the dentist's niece on Finding Nemo), "If she keeps killing fish, why get her a new one? Why not buy her a hamster?"
Huh??????????
→ Quote from Rush, "I'd like to go sliding with the Polar Bears...if they can't see me. I could wear a polar bear costume!"
→ She thinks that the babies Marlon and Dory would have, if they were to have babies, would be very cute. She imagines them orange with blue stripes. "Can you breed fish?! Here, you guys, now have babies!"

But, I think the most memorable thing I got from that movie came in a quote from the movie itself (not that I like it being memorable or anything)
"Of course I like you; it's because I like you that I can't be with you."

I certainly do love my Nemo loving, Nemo quoting girl - more than she knows and more than I ever thought I could ever love...

So...? This is what it's like living with boys...

Jellybean & Bug came running out of the bathroom, toothbrushes in hand, laughing like hyenas. Through squeals of delight Jellybean finally managed to squeak out that Bug had just drank from the toilet.

As BigB tried to explain to him how disgusting and unsafe that is, he told Bug that some people have even died from the germs found in toilets.

Bugs response?

In 20 days? They die if they do it for 20 days?

After reassuring Bug that he didn't mean he would die. Bug sprinted back off to the bathroom, where we encouraged him to brush his teeth AND use listerine!

So, can anyone seriously tell me why burping, farting, and, now, drinking toilet water (oh and let's not forget licking toilets) are so incredibly funny?

Earlier tonight, one of the family members passed gas and Bug says "If there were a trophy for worst farts, you would get it! You have the worst farts in the universe!". He then proceded to laugh to the point where we thought he may actually pee his pants.

Boys! What a strange species...

Sometimes

Sometimes it makes life a heck of a lot more interesting to try not to do things the easy way.

Sometimes getting a running start at things makes doing things the hard way just that much more effective...

Sometimes God opens a window when you were thinking it would be a door and you may need to know how to step into a situation through that window...

Why not get that experience young? It keeps you versatile, ready, on your toes and giggling from somewhere near your toes.

Keep life interesting. Don't follow the crowd. Take the opportunity to make use of all the "openings" life presents you with...And laugh while you do it.

And he said...

...Look at all those dandelions...


as he looked out across the vast


fields of



...canola

If a picture is worth 1000 words, enough said!

Rush had a bit of a mishap a few days ago, quite a few days ago. Somehow, and I really mean somehow, her phone fell in the toilet bowl (it was a clean water toilet bowl but still...ew!). BigB took her phone apart and put it in a bag of silica sand to desoggify (totally a word!) it.

She's almost 16.

Without a cell phone.

For a few weeks.

It wasn't pretty.

There were tears and withdrawal tremors.

(I only kid. Or do I?)

Let this picture tell the rest of the story to you...

(this was taken while she used my phone b/c she just wanted to 'feel it' in her hands. I think she was joking...the look on her face said she was joking...I hope she was joking...)

Excuse me!? WHAT did you call her?!?

That's exactly what our cashier at WalMart said to Rush last night upon overhearing our conversation wherein Rush did nothing more than say, "Mom, do you think that ribbon color is what they are looking for?".

She gasped and she wheezed and she sucked in air for a few moments as she tried to regain her composure, and Rush & I stood there staring blankly at her and each other - not completely sure what was so shocking to this poor cashier.

"Did you just call her 'mom'? Is she really your mom?!"

"Um...? Yes, she is...?" (we still weren't really comprehending what was so shocking until she finally gushed...)

"Wow! I thought she was your older sister but that's it! Not your mom!"

I do look younger than 35 but not a lot younger, at least I don't think I look a lot younger, and Rush does look a fair bit older than her years but at least it's not as bad as it was a few years ago. When she was in Grade 8 (still 13 years old) she was hospitalized for a bit and the doctor's kept asking her what she did for a living...

The fact that I am only 18 years older than Rush does add to the whole scenario but we have never gotten a reaction quite like that one. I sure do hope that cashier finally caught her breath.

P.S. I ♥ that cashier; she made my day (or night, rather).

Soda Tute

Bug talking to me as I finished making supper:
"Mama, I was watch...what is that Veggie Tales? Um...? Oh yeah. I was watchin' Soda Tute and Larry, he..."

Jellybean:
"Oh Bug! You are so cute the way you said that! Can you say 'Minn e so ta'? I really just think you are adorable the way you said that."

Bug:
"Could you twit calling me tute all ready!? All I said was we watched Soda Tute! There's nuffin' tute about Soda Tute!"

How do you stop from laughing when he is so adamant about not being tute, soda tute even?

Overheard in my house this evening

Yes, you can sleep with Mr. W; he's the one with the sweater. Don't take the dark brown one without the sweater, the chocolate one. If you take him, I'll punchya in the nose; I sleep with that one.

And that, folks, was said by a teenager in our house to the 8 year old...Would I even lie about something like that?! Seriously?

That's kind of exciting!

Well it is! Are you arguing with me?! Seriously?

Ok. I am done being silly. I am going to blame it on all that totally cool thunder we are getting today! I always get in a goofy mood when there is a thunder storm and the better the storm, well, the goofier I get. It seems to stir something up in me because I feel so energetic and like a ball of live wires or something but I digress.

Wow! That one was so close and loud it made me jump! Too cool! (Digressing again...)

Let me get to the point of what is kind of exciting. Rush is turning 16 this summer.

{16?! Seriously, when did this happen!? I mean wasn't it just yesterday she was a chubby faced, pigtailed 2 year old taking her poodle/terrier, Princess, for a walk? Wasn't it just last week that she cried when her Papa Ray told her that his sprayer killed weeds and she cried and begged him to promise to NEVER KILL WEEDS AGAIN!? Wasn't it? It wasn't really THAT long ago that she strutted out of her Kindergarten classroom proud as punch over the fact that she had met the Queen of England? (Really it was the school secretary dressed up as the Queen but there was no telling my Rush that. She met the Queen and that was THAT!) Has that much time really passed since we found her fixing Pa's swather with a yellow and green handled chisel? Wasn't it last week we took these pictures?}

Yes, Rush is turning 16 years old this summer and she has morphed from an adorable little girl with the biggest, bluest eyes and biggest heart to a beautiful young lady with the most beautiful green eyes and the biggest heart. (Yes, I am aware her eyes went from blue to green.)

So, as her mom, I want something special for my daughter's Sweet 16, from gift to party. (By the way, her Dad wants these things to; it's not just me.) I am not telling the gift as I don't know how often she reads here but I can tell you about the party. (Do you guys know how much I LOVE to plan parties? I love, love, LOVE it!)

The afternoon of her party is going to spent at the Spa with a few of her close friends and, of course, her mama. When we are done there, we will be going to our house for a family supper and her "bestest" friend will most likely be spending the night.

The invitation parts are now printed on their appropriate page color (vanilla; I didn't have any caramel left); I will then be putting them onto a chocolate background and finishing them off with a nice green ribbon and I have printed spa information on kiwi paper. Supper invites are on the kiwi green and I will finish those off with a chocolate ribbon. (Rush loves green.)

I have plans for refreshments at the spa (including fruit with dip, cheese, crackers, chocolate and some cupcakes ~ yummy!)

I am so very excited and I really hope it all goes off the way it has played out in my head several times since planning it.

Now, it is time to get planning Bug's 6th birthday but first I need to contact his buddy's mom to see if she wants another joint party this year (since their birthdays are only days away from each others). It seems he is wanting to go to the park for an all out run around and play, weiner roast kind of day. Easy enough.

Baby's got back nerve

A couple days ago Jellybean informed me that she saw the next door neighbor in is yard as she took the garbage out.

"I decided I needed to talk to him, Mama."

"You did?" (Um, this doesn't sound good. What did she say?! What did she say?!) What did you say, baby?"

"I just let him know that I go to bed at 8:30 and that his kids are too loud outside and they keep me awake real late and maybe he might wanna keep them in the house after 8:00 and put them to bed, please."

(Oh dear Lord, she's telling this man how to parent his children. He is going to be offended. Red alert! We have an offended neighbor! What are we gonna...Heh! Good for her for at least making her needs known and for not just accepting it as the way things have to be. She did say 'please'.)
"Um? Honey, you probably shouldn't have said that to him, ok? But I am glad that you were polite in trying to fix your problem; I am also glad that you tried to fix your problem. You DID say 'please' right? I mean, you told him nicely?"

"Yes, mama I was nice to him."

What do you think? Do I make them cookies or pretend like it never happened?

" Ye....es," she said, cautiously, wondering where this was going.

Bug (just out of the blue during a moment or two of silence): Mama boys don't have boobies; they have pecs.

Dear WiiFit Personal Trainer

I hate you. Oh, yes, I do! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! You may think that 'hate' is an awful, strong word but compared to the other two words (despise and loathe) that ran through my head this morning, hate is rather kind.

You are so deceitful, you and your computer generated flat abbed-thin thighed-shapely armed-self. You tricked me with "fun" activities like slalam skiing, ski jumps, hula hoops, dance step aerobics and sun salutations until, there I sit 50 minutes later wondering when I had started to sweat. Your soothing, gentle voice, encouraging me, drove me to 50 minutes of exercise through games and I woke, this morning, feeling muscles that probably haven't worked since 1989. How dare you trick me that way! You seemed so nice and I fell for it! My, but you are the cunning one, aren't you!?

So... I guess that's it then. There's nothing left to say except...

...I'll see you tonight same wii time, same wii channel. Oh, and this time I promise to not come to you eating a Dairy Queen medium dipped cone. I saw the evil eye you gave me.

Until then I sign off, only grumbling slightly under my breath at you becasue I truly ♥ you; I'm just an ungrateful wretch.

And there I am WITHOUT my camera!

BigB & I saw the funniest thing on our way to work this morning. Well, funny to us. Given the Harley Davidson riding, bar-brawl fighting, tattoo sporting background we have it was even leaning to the side of hilarious and there I was WITHOUT my camera (technically, it was in the backseat in my bag but, I wouldn't have been able to reach it in time and probably would have caused myself physical harm trying to get to it for photographic proof of just how stinking cute the sight we saw was). So...without photographic evidence you will just have to trust me when I say it was very funny and use your best imagination when you read the description and if you haven't laughed to the point of peeing your pants, you haven't tried hard enough!

Pulling off of our street to get to work this morning we were delayed by on-coming traffic which happened to bring us more delight than it probably should. What was the source of our tickled funny bones? I am so glad you asked. We saw a tall, scrawny young man (read baby face) who was sporting a very stringy yet scruffy (or straggly) goatee and a doo-rag, looking as tough as he could possibly muster riding on his ...


...vespa scooter!

I think BigB did pee his pants, but only a little.

He, the vespa riding Hell's Angel Purgatory Cherub was so cute in an "I'm wearing Daddy's clothes" kind of way and we appreciate him so much for bringing just that much more of a smile to our faces this morning. Sure do wish I had my camera ready!

Hello, 911?

That's what he said and I am NOT making that up!



Today Jellybean & Bug were playing "Truth or Dare" (and I thought that was a scary game when played by Junior High aged girls). Word to the wise, people, if my kids come to your house to play do not, I repeat, do not let them play "Truth or Dare" with your kids.



You may be asking yourself 'why?'; you may be thinking 'it's just an innocent game' but, when my kids play, someone ends up licking the toilet.



"What!?!" we said, as they retold this story through fits of giggles and gagging. "Do you know what you just licked!? Do you know you could get really sick from doing that?! Do you know how GROSS that is!?"



As this all sank in, Bug's face foreshadowed some insight into his toilet licking escapade his Denis the Menace charm and he picked up my cell phone , pretended to dial, and said...



..."Hello, 911? I just licked the toilet...my sister dared me. Please, send an ambulance. Thank you!""



To which, he looked over at us with more mischief than our neighborhood punks the biggest, goofiest grin he could muster, gave us the "eyebrows" and burst into Abs of Steel making laughter.

Just to make you giggle

While watching Journey to the Center of the Earth...

Bug: Is that a potano I just saw?

Me: Yup buddy, that's a potano but I think you might mean volcano...

Then at the end of the movie...

Bug: You mean they were in a bolcano the WHOLE time!?

Perhaps we should work on that one...

What Jellybean thinks of her mommy on April 9, 2009

1. What is something mommy always says to you? "I love you."

2. What makes mommy happy? "When we listen to you."

3. What makes mommy sad? "When we don't get along."

4. How does your mommy make you laugh? "you tickle us"

5. What was your mommy like as a child? "You liked doing your chores." (Boy wouldn't my dad laugh if he read this -unless she is referring to my outside chores...)

6. How old is your mommy? "32?" (Now Bug answers that he thinks I am 20!)

7. How tall is your mommy? "8 feet."

8. What is her favorite thing to do? "spend time with us."

9. What does your mommy do when you're not around? "work at ECIP"

10. If your mommy becomes famous, what will it be for? "because you're a movie star."

11. What is your mommy really good at? "singing"

12. What is your mommy not very good at? "shyness"

13. What does your mommy do for a job? "You work on computers and answer phones"

14.What is your mommy's favorite food? " the cake with mouse poop on it" known to normal people as McCain's Deep & Delicious Chocolate Cake

15.What makes your mommy proud of you? "when we do our chores."

16. If your mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be? "Ginormica 'cuz she's pretty and your pretty and Bug will be Bob, I mean GinormaToot and I am GinormaGiggle" (Can you tell we just watched Monsters vs Aliens?

17. What do you and your mommy do together? "We go shopping and we have fun"

18. How are you and your mommy the same? "We both have blue eyes and we are both pretty"

19. How are you and your mommy different? "You like radishes and I don't; they're disgusting."

20. How do you know your mommy loves you? "We spend time with each other and she disciplines us b/c if she didn't love us, she wouldn't discipline us. Some people think that if you discipline us you don't love us but you discipline us b/c you do love us and you want us to grow up and do right."

21. What does your mommy like most about your daddy? "He's loveable and squeezable."

22. Where is your mommy's favorite place to go? "Church and camping with us at that place where Hammie our pet squirrel lives."



On top of answering these questions Jellybean said, "Now I have two questions for you..."

1. What do you think Jellybean loves about you? "When I sing to her and read to her and do everything I can to make sure she is taken care of."

2. What do you think my favorite place to go is? "School and Church" (Actually, according to Jellybean it is Kansas City where LilB and Nat live)