First Real Day

This morning I got my little girl ready for her first "real" day of kindergarten. She had a breakfast of a 1/2 bagel with herb and garlic cream cheese and a pear. We packed her a snack in her Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox. I wrote her a note for her to find when she opened it for snack time, brushed her hair, got her a sweater, brushed her teeth, put on her shoes, got Aren ready to go and were out the door. There was such a sense of anticipation, excitement and, well, oldness. Yes, oldness...Hallie felt old; I felt old and I think Cherish even felt old. The walk was a lot of fun: giggling, scipping and chattering the entire way to school. When we got to be a block away from school and you could see the top of the building peaking out from behind the trees Hallie stopped in her tracks; in a gaspy, breathless voice she said, "Mom, yook(look) zere is my school! Zat is my class. We is almost zere!!!!"

Here are some of the pictures we took from registration on Tuesday and today. A lot were video and I haven't figured out how to get those on here just yet but if I ever do I will post them.




Hallie on the day of Kindergarten registration. She looks so big and yet, so tiny and fragile and about to enter the big bad world. Wow, getting carried away with the over reacting mom thing again.














Entering the school, her first time as a student. Firefighter Aren came along with us for support and just in case we needed to rescue any cats from trees or anything like that. Hallie ran until we got just outside her classroom door and then she froze in fear. I had to get her in one baby step at a time. From then on there was no turning back; she loves all the stuff in her classroom (like the sanbox and the play kitchen and the library).
The note I sent Hallie in her lunch box. I know, I know...I am expecting jokes about this one....








On the walk to school...






Hallie and Mrs. Lepine, her very first teacher. (okay, so Ididn't cry dropping her off at school but reflecting on the day could possibly start the waterworks)








Hallie's little locker, for her little jacket and her little backpack and her little shoes....that she shares with 3 of her little friends.....

Am I Looking Forward to It...?

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow that I am looking forward to having but am a bit nervous of going to at the same time. You see, I have been having migraine and/or severe headaches for 6 months, every day. Some days are worse than others and some seem unbearable. I kept putting the doctor off thinking they would just go away. Well, I caved in the other day. It is time to find out what is, if there is anything, wrong with me. I'm tired of living my life in this fog...fighting to keep it from robbing me of my life with my family. I seem to have done an ok job of still functioning with the headaches; I have only missed one day of work and haven't brushed off the kids very often. Here's to them being completely gone and not having to live with them anymore. Send up a prayer for me when you're thinking about it...for a healing and for a reason or relief in the mean time.

Some More Desert Pictures

Jenn, Savannah and Cherish in front of a wall with a bunch of hieroglyphics.










This beautiful bird is called a Blue Bellied Roller.




A White Throated Monitor scaling the wall.


Aren was in his glory, running from one exhibit to another. He squealed with delight at each new animal or reptile he saw.








Mama and her 2 babies.



What a strange but cute looking guy this Jack Rabbit was, never did see a Jackalope. =)






No, it isn't real but, when you have just finished seeing all the real ones and walk around the corner to this guy you have to take a second to wonder...

The grossest but neatest thing we saw in the Desert Dome. This guy was having himself a morning, uh, snack...poor little mouse.

In the Zoo

We rented a wagon for $10 when we first got in the zoo; probably the best investment ever as I doubt we would have had as much fun had Aren had to walk the whole way (or Hallie for that matter).














Our first stop was the Desert Dome full of sand dunes, desert plants and animals. It was a pretty neat place to see.







That mound in the middle of the dome is a sand dune. This is where most of the cool trees were like this one....








Bill said that this tree would be similar to the one
that was used to make the crown of thorns that was jammed onto Jesus' head when he was crucified. Puts it in a little more perspective doesn't it?

Here we are in Omaha

We could not find a single RV campground anywhere near where we were. We stopped and asked a guy at a tiny little gas station and as friendly as we was, he directed us to a trailer park. Nope, can't get in there. We asked another employee from a diferent gas station thinking perhaps they would know. No such luck. Bill asked them if they knew of any cheap hotels. it just so happened that they had a bunch of coupons for a Days Inn so we got one of those and headed off to the Days Inn.

We weren't looking forward to how much that would cost, rooms for 7 people but, they had a room that had 2 bunk beds in it. The bottom bunks on both were queen size beds and the top bunks were singles. Definitly enough room for us and it only cost us $40.

Well, it was now 9 pm (10 their time) and we still hadn't had anything to eat so Bill ordered pizza from Dominos and they all sang Happy Birthday to me. The lights went out and we crashed. Bright and early the next morning we packed up, ate an apple for breakfast and headed off to the zoo.

Hallie was really looking forward to it (as we all were) but, she wanted to swim with the sharks at the "pet store". Uh, no! So, our day began at 9 Am, a wonderful family excursion to the zoo. Yay!!!! I wanted to get a picture of the kids at the entrance but, they were too excited to get going when we got there and they were too tired and cranky to do it when we left. Plus a couple of them were really dirty and Aren had road rash on his face but that is another story for another blog...

Learning a new Language

That's what I said. I am learning a new language. I have been a little bored lately and thought why not. It'll be fun. The tricky part was what language should I learn? French is Canada's second language; Cree should be a good a one to learn since it is as highly spoken in this town as English. Sign language would be even better and I have always wanted to learn sign language. However, the last few days have made my mind up for me; so I will write a sentence to show you what I have learned.

Quack quack quack quack!!!!!! Quack quack, Quack!!!!!!!

Translation: All this rain is getting a little excessive!!! I almosted floated home from work!!!

SEriously though, one of the steets on my way home is all ready darn near flooded. This combined with all the rain we had a few days ago, where the streets were flooded very badly. One of the guys from work said that the water in one part of town was up over the bumper of his jeep. It was raining too hard for the drains to keep up and he hit a low spot or pot hole or something and there it was.

Next step...Old Folks Home...

Hallie starts kindergarten today. SNIFF!! I really can't believe that she should be starting kindergarten. Didn't we just watch her start to crawl? Didn't she just stop eating baby food? Okay, maybe not and maybe I am just being that over emotional mom that I am. Okay, okay you don't all need to start laughing at me...I AM being an over emotional mom; it's in my genetics. We can give credit to Grandma K.

Last night I was sitting with Hallie on the couch having a wonderful mommy/daughter time, she leaning against my lap,I stroking her hair. In, my emotional state, I said to her that I couldn't believe she was going to kindergarten all ready.

My daughter's kind, heartfelt and practical response to me was, "Oh, Mama, I'll be back."

I can feel the love, feel the understanding...really, it's overwhelming.

Today is also Jenn's last first day of school. Yesterday we spent some time looking for grad dresses on the internet. We have all ready found the shoes. Most girls find the dress and then need shoes to match. Jenn found a pair of really cool shoes and now we need to find the dress to match.

Bill has been showing me a lot of "sympathy" (not like I actually need sympathy). Last night while we were reflecting on the kids and discussing plans for today (he is sneaking out of work for a while to take Hallie to kindergarten with me.) he looks over at me and so lovingly tells me, "Yeah, your next step is an old folks home." Really, can you feel the love? (=P)

A little blog happy

So I got a little blog happy tonight and wrote 4 or 5 blogs about our trip. There are pictures on some of them and pictures that will be added to some others since they are on Jenn's camera. I will blog some more a bit later so you can all catch up. Maybe some more on Monday afternoon or something.

Delays, Delays,Delays

We kept meeting construction on the interstate that had us in two way traffic for miles and miles. At one point, just south of Sioux Falls we met construction that had the traffic going about 5 miles an hour. Traffic was lined up ahead of us for 1 mile, 2 miles behind us and we had at least 1 mile of traffic waiting to merge. (Jenn has those pictures on her camera so I will get them on here later.)

We reached Iowa at 6, so 7 Pm in their time zone. Aren had fun running around the rest stop we took a driving break at just past all the construction. Hallie was getting bored, I think and began using her energy in very creative yet odd ways. She stuck her face under the hand dryer and let the air make funny faces for her; she made faces at herself in the reflection of the nozzle...



















Jenn's highlight of this part of the trip...seeing a McDonalds with a truck stop.

Day Two Continued

We stopped at a Super Walmart and got ourselves some fried chicken, wedges and wings and some other groceries and continued on down the interstate until we came to a nice little rest stop. We had oursleves a picnic lunch, had pee breaks and let the kids and me run around for a little while to wear off some excess, cooped up energy.
























Perhaps we should have opted for a nice fruit salad, no?















The rest stop itself. I don't know what all they have in there but all we could get to was the bathrooms.












Aren running to let off a little steam. He liked to run full speed and throw himself into a heap on the grass. He would then giggle like mad and roll around. He also "galloped" like he was a horse complete with his version of a horse sound.

Day Two...August 17...My Birthday!!

"...and the rain, rain, rain came down, down, down in a rushing, roaring river...."

We woke up in the middle of the night to a HUGE thunderstorm! Did I say huge? I meant ginormous. The one clap of thunder was so loud that Savannah thought their side of the tent trailer was falling and in her fear and desperation to escape, jumped on top of Jenn. We got a laugh out of that one for a while.

When we woke up for the day, we were actually dry inside the tent trailer. We had some breakfast and Bill braved the still torrential rain storm to take down the tent trailer. When we stepped out of the tent to wait in the van, we found ourselves ankle deep in rain puddles.



By the time Bill was done with the tent trailer he was soaking wet. He literally rang out his shirts.


















The view of the rain through our windshield between wiper swipes. Like I said, torrential rain.




We quickly got on the road again so we wouldn't arrive too late at our next destination, Omaha, Nebraska. At this point, my birthday was "forgotten". Bill says it wasn't forgotten; it just slipped his mind because he had been so busy with the tent trailer and the rain. I wondered how it had slipped his mind for half of the day because it wasn't until about 10:30/11:00 (our time) when JENN remembered to wish me a happy birthday. I spent a very quiet morning...leaning my head against the window wishing myself a happy birthday.

Boy, did Bill feel badly when he realized what the date was. Travelling does get you a little mixed up...I suppose.

The American McDonalds Experience

Supper was at McDonalds in Minot, ND. It was getting a little late and we still hadn't bought any groceries so we caved. Jenn was probably the least enthused about going to McDonalds but also the most intrigued, after all she works at one here. She was definitely going to check things out, like their menu, dollar menu (which she had heard about when some Americans came in to "her" McDonalds), their uniforms and the decor. The decor was actually really cool in there. Yeah, I know, it was only a McDonalds but, they had all sorts of Scandivian (I think Swedish) antiques, pictures, stories etc. They also had a plasma tv mounted on the wall; we watched the news. What a great channel to be on when going to a restaurant geared towards young children but anyway.

Bill and Savannah had a sandwich called the Ranch BLT. I had a taste and it was really good. I wished I had gotten that one. It was now 5:30 PM our time, 6:30 PM in North Dakota. Cherish did not really grasp that concept at first and finally got it or just accepted it.

We watched our first movie of the trip once we were on the road again. What was their movie of choice? "Are We There Yet?" Funny movie. Appropriate title. Actually, the kids had, thus far, been doing phenomenally. We thought Aren, especially, would have been cranky and not enjoying the ride but he was so well behaved. Hallie's earlier question of "Are we in Kansas City yet?' was only asked the once...in Melfort.

We reached the halfway point at about 10 Pm (that is 11 pm their time) and set up camp in a Stamart in Grand Forks, ND. All the campsites were closed by the time we were pulling into town. So, we all used the facilities and went to set up camp along with the truck drivers.

Reaching the Border

Bill always gets extremely nervous when we are about to reach the border. I don't know if he thinks they are going to aim machine guns at us or what but he just gets really nervous and worries that we won't get across and that we will have to turn around and go back.
Bill "What a waste of a trip that would be."
Me (trying to sound positive) "At least we would have had a nice drive, a lovely lunch in the van, taught Hallie how to pee on the side of the road and shown Savannah Regina."
Bill I think he may have grunted or scowled at my positive outlook on his anxiety.

We reached the border at 2:00 PM and left the border guard's at 2:13. We had to show him our I.D. and the letter we had thought to get Savannah's mom to write so they didn't think she was abducted. He looked in the back of the van-not in the camper. We wondered if he would make us set it up so he could look inside. He asked if we had meat or citrus. We told him we had ham sandwiches and some cucumbers. Apparently that is okay to take across. He also asked us if we had any weapons or alcohol with us. Ah, no. We were asked if we had more than $10, 000 American. Like that would happen and then asked what we would be doing in the States. Um, a family vacation...? The border guard then looked right at Cherish and asked, "Is anyone in here being kidnapped?" Cherish turned bright red and looked at him like he had suddenly grew an extra head. You know the look, the 'are you completely nuts?' look. He then threw in a clever little joke by adding, "Just being tortured by your parents by being dragged to KC, huh?" Cherish did not get it.

Oh well, we made it across! Yay! No trouble. Yay! Bill could now relax once more and enjoy the trip.

We later found out that the girls were really disappointed with the border. Cherish thought that the border would open up like a huge gate once you were approved and let you through. Picture all those cartoon images of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven or something like that, I guess. Jen thought that the United States would look a lot different than Canada, at least Saskatchewan.

The girls all thought it was REALLY cool that all the farms we passed in North Dakota had an American Flag on it. Hallie had a hard time with THAT phrase (something like amucen fuc). Bill and I both almost over reacted the first time she said that with a "WHA-AT!?!?!?!?". She then repeated it and pointed to the flag. Whew! What a relief.

The girls were awed by the acres upon acres of sunflower fields. They also, Jenn especially, freaked out with awe and disbelief when they saw an army vehicle...a hummer...with a machine gun mounted to the top of it! Definitely a sight you don't see in our neck of the woods.

Family Trip...Day One

We left on our exursion at 6:18 AM on Aug 16. Everyone's spirits were high however, Bill was a bit nervous about the suspension in the van. (He should have been worried about the differential; I think that's what he said is not well with our van).
Savannah and Jenn were sleeping by 6:30 AM



















6:54 Am Had to stop along highway for Hallie to go pee. Someone forgot to go BEFORE we left.
Sorry no pics of that one...

7:07 Am Aren is thrilled to see all the "tractors" in Kinistino. In reality, there was all sorts of farm machinery.
7:27 AM Reached Melfort. Hallie wondering if we are in Kansas City yet. This could be a long trip. Bill made a pit stop here to get coffee and to sneak into the camper to put the vent down.
7:40 AM so you now we just left the coffee shop/gas station in Melfort. Hallie has to pee. We do a U-turn on highway and head back to above gas station. Bill is not amused.

We ate our lunch in the van; we made sandwiches and had cucumbers and carrots and cheese. Savannah saw Regina for the first time. Her reaction:"wow, it's colorful". We saw the ugliest car we have ever seen before...The Smart car. Jenn has a picture of that one; maybe I can add it later. Aren kept himself amused by tickling Cherish's feet. He is such a boy.

It looks like we will hit the border about 2 or 2:30. I guess that depends on how many more emergency potty breaks we need to make. More later.

Finally...

...some pictures of the trip. I hounded Bill and hounded Bill and I now have the pictures. Mewah ha ha ha...





Getting ready to leave at 6 AM on August 16.












Hallie and Molly ready to go and chomping at the bit.













Jenn never went to sleep the night before. She and her friend that came with us, Savannah, decided to stay up all night, along with Ryan and play games (Clue, Scattegories...). Silly rabbit. I admit that I stayed up for a while but I did go to sleep.









Rush looking a little tired; don't you think?











Aren looks well rested. He wasn't cranky at all in the van that first day. What a good boy.

Some of my Pictures...From July...

My sister asked for pictures since, and I use her words, she has never been anywhere. I haven't had a chance to get the pictures from last week's trip on my computer but, I do have some scenery pictures from last month's so I thought I would put some of those up to give her, and you, a little taste.


This picture was shot in Montana.


Here is a shot of Kansas City's skyline.


This is a picture of the rocks that they have all over the place in KC; instead of removing them to build things they work around them and have these stone walls especially around Billy's apartment. You see them all over on the way into KC as well. It really makes it pretty.

And one more picture with a little story for you....

This is a picture of a spider I saw in the bathroom of a Famous Footwear in KC. Why did I take a picture of this spider while I was in the bathroom? Oh the answer is quite simple and logical...really. I do not like spiders, especially ones that crouch down and look like they are about to pounce on me. So, it took a lot of inner strength to resist screaming when I saw this thing across the room from me in this tiny little bathroom. I couldn't scream. Could you imagine how embarrassing THAT would have been? I was far more afraid of being embarrassed because I screamed over a spider than I was afraid of the spider. So why DID I take the picture? Bill never would have believed me that I didn't scream because of this thing. He was really big (small spiders I can handle but he was big). This picture doesn't do him justice but, I wasn't about to take my time to get a good angle on him either. So that is why I have a picture of the spider from the bathroom. Funny little story now, then it was traumatic and news worthy (LOL).
I hope this tides you over a bit until I can get Bill to give me my pictures of his laptop.

Speaking of Nerds...

My husband is a computer geek and I always jokingly, but lovingly, call him my nerd. About a month ago a girl came in the restaurant wearing an "I 'heart' Nerds" t-shirt and I knew I just wanted to have one. I asked her where she got hers and made my way to Warehouse One; they were all sold out. Today, as I was running errands, I decided to go back and check and lo and behold, they had one left and it just happened to be in MY size. So I now one my very own "I 'heart' Nerds" t-shirt.

Speaking of the errands I was doing, Hallie is now completely registered for dance classes this year. I even have her lessons paid off completely. If you do that you get a 10% discount. I had thought about doing it in years before but...2 kids' dance lessons were a bit harder to pay at once so we did the monthly thing before. With this discount I ended up saving an entire month's worth of tuition. Yay!!! The only thing I have to pay for now is her costume.

I also have school supplies bought. I am done. I do, however, have to get school fees in order. Jenn's are almost $100 this year because of grad fees plus we have Rush's and Hallie's.

I think work exhausted me tonight. After not being at work for a week I jumped back in with having 2 sections when I first started work because tables were being sat in a section where there was no server and I was the only one who would pick up tables. Oi!!! I have to admit that I made a few mistakes tonight. However, after regrouping and having some quiet prayer time during my break, I managed to get my head straightened out.

I am a Master...Ha ha ha...!!!

I was really tempted to try this website out when I saw it...this little test...just to see how I would do. I loved English when I was in high school; I think a great way to spend the day is to read the dictionary and learn new words. My husband thinks I am a nerd... Perhaps, if that is what one calls an English Master.... (insert evil laugh here)



You are a MASTER of the English language!

Huzzah. While your English is not exactly
perfect, you are still more grammatically
correct than just about every American. Others
admire the way you speak and could learn a lot
from listening to you. Still, there is always
room for improvement...

How grammatically correct are you? (Revised with answer key)
brought to you by

We Are Back

Okay we just got back a couple of hours ago, emptied the van (not the camper), ordered and ate pizza and now I am here catching up on your blogs and updating mine. The kids were phenomenal while we were in the car is was a little unbelievable. Aren was cranky and crying today towards the end of the car ride but really, I can't blame him. It was a busy week. We arrived at Kansas City at 7:30 pm Thursday because we spent all day Wednesday at the Omaha Zoo, dropped the tent trailer off at our campsite and raced off to the church for our first service, Friday morning there was a seminar at the church followed by a lunch for the seminar people (us included), then an afternoon seminar, church service Friday night after supper at the Rogers', Saturday was morning and afternoon seminars with a lunch as well and an evening church service after supper at the Rogers' and Sunday was morning Church service followed by a home fellowship lunch (mmm Mexican food) followed by a graduation bbq for some of the students of the bible college Billy goes to (we are friends with 4 of the people who graduated and boy are we proud of them.). When we got home from that Mr and Mrs Rogers came over to the campsite followed by Billy and Natalie. Here's something pretty cool...

BILLY AND NATALIE ARE ENGAGED!!!!! He asked her Sunday afternoon after church and took her to a nice Italian restaurant for a nice meal.

It was a really rushed week. I kind of wish we hadn't gone during the Advance even though it was excellent. There were so many things we wanted to do but never got a chance to. For instance we wanted to take the kids to see some of the fountains, take them to the House of Hope and Healing and get to spend some time with some of our friends. We didn't really get to see Billy much, Justin at all and we only got to spend a few minutes on and off with our friend Johnnie. Next time we go down we will make sure it isn't so rushed so we can actually do some visiting.

Another bit of news you all might find interesting... Bill & I joined the church's motorcycle ministry. In other words we are the newest chapter of the World Revival Motorcycle Ministry. Yeah dad & mom, I am officially a color wearing biker chick!!! This time I am for the good guys though. I know I don't have a bike...yet but...it's a ministery to minister to other bikers and just people in general and I am really looking forward to that. I have always hoped that I could use my "story" to help someone not go through what I did or to help them get past it.

Anyway, I will regail you all with other stories and pictures maybe tomorrow. It depends on when Bill gets the pictures off his laptop and I get them on my computer but I have a tonne of great pictures from the zoo... For now, I really need to sleep.

A part of me (a big part) wishes we were still there; it is good to be back home but work calls all too quickly...tomorrow. I look forward to being able to see you soon those of you here very soon and my friends in KC, as soon as we can...

The countdown is on

That's right...only 3 days until we leave. The kids are pumped and I have to admit that I am really excited. I am so thrilled to be able to spend a nice week with my kids and my husband. My list of things to do seems to increase daily. Shouldn't it decrease since I am doing stuff that is on the list; really, I am. We have our house sitter/cat sitter/ fish sitter all arranged. Getting the camera batteries recharged and all my previous pictures put onto my computer and erased from my memory cards. I'm going to have to get lots of pictures this time; we are going to the zoo! A real zoo. Not like I am intentionally trying to diss the forestry farm or anything but...we get to see animals that we will most likely never see save for going to this zoo. We can see badgers in the community pasture and elk and mule deer in the fields. The Omaha Zoo has penguins, giraffes, elephants, sharks...the list does go on. I think I may even take the video camera. You never know how the kids will react to this stuff. I have 2 more shifts at BPs before we go so the majority of what needs done needs to get done tomorrow and Sunday. The pressure is on.

The drive down will be a test of patience, I am sure, on both parts...kids and parents. We'll see how it goes but the end will justify the means. Goodnight for now.

I am buying a horse...

...and a wagon or a bike or something!!! 99.9cents/liter!!! I am befuddled, bewildered, be...
I can't believe it. Well I can, sort of; ever since I firsted worked in a gas station, uh, 11 years ago, they have been threatening that gas would go up to a dollar a liter but it never ever happened...Til now!!!! I am thinking that I should go into the oil business...rich, rich, rich. When is minimum wage going up so I can afford to put some gas into my car so I can get to work?

I am now vented out until...I see those darn 9s all over again tomorrow...

He came, he strong armed, he went...

He came...

He tried to push his weight around...

He ran off...

He wasn't here as long as he, or we, had hoped but, we had a good visit. I didn't get to see Billy much because of his schedule and mine but he was here. The kids loved seeing him and are looking forward to seeing him next week. He was called back by his career and of course his heart had been calling him back ever since he got here. Right, Natalie? We're glad you shared but we're also glad you guys aren't missing each other so much. (wink)

Good News!!!

The last few weeks I have been missing my family, a lot. It is summer vacation and I haven't gotten to spend much time at all with any of my family. Hallie starts kindergarten this year and this really got me to thinking. The years go by so fast and, yes, she is only starting kindergarten but, it seems like yesterday that Cherish was starting kindergarten and she is in grade 7 this year. Soon I won't have the ability to spend time with my kids so I needed to do something about it NOW!!!

Yesterday I talked to the manager at BPs about my prediciment and asked if I could have Monday to Friday nights with Saturday and Sunday off. He said that that sounded like a great idea and that we could do it no problem. What a relief!!! I know I am still working nights and they are gone during the day but, by the time you get homework, chores, supper, baths, bed out of the way you don't get to see them much during the week anyway. I think I am going to like this arrangement a lot. I will be able to spend quality time with my family. Maybe we can even get to the farm once this year! Wow! Wouldn't that be a treat?

Anyway, that is my good news and I am very very excited about it.

Elanor said it best...

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we allow people to make us feel. There is a quote I love by Elanor Roosevelt that goes, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I've thought about this so many times throughout my life wondering how I can change the way people make me feel and how I can go about not allowing them to make me feel worthless or stupid or whatever the case may be.

My ex husband made me feel like nothing. He made me feel small, insignificant and he made me feel fearful and weak. My ex husband is not a big man and Bill can not fathom why I felt the way I do. I honestly can't tell you if he would still make me feel this way because I haven't had to think about seeing him or even talking to him in a very long time. The last time I saw him was 2 1/2 years ago at his dad's funeral and I was very nervous to go because of his temper but I hadn't been able to confront this fear since leaving him. Now, I don't know how I would react. I have God now and I find comfort in that, knowing that God is with me. I also know that I am not supposed to fear any worldly thing or person; I don't even need to fear Satan himself.

However, when I would think about having to see him my mind races back to how I felt when he was in the midst of throwing a temper tantrum and there were tools or highchairs or whatever he could get his hands on flying across the room. He didn't care what or who was in his path. My mind gets to that fearful place where I don't know if I, or more importantly, Cherish would fall victim to his rage.

My sister has been having a heck of a time lately because of what her estranged husband used to tell her: no one will love you; you are nothing without me; you'll never make it on your own... My heart breaks for her having to heal from that. I know. I was there once and it isn't easy. I still wonder if I am afraid of him or if I just don't feel afraid because right now there is no threat of ever having to see him. Both of my sisters and I endured it and it seems like we can't even talk to each other about it-our dirty little secret even though we know we all share it. Our hidden shame that we allowed someone to hurt us or that we were foolish enough to become involved with Mr. WAY Wrong.

Our children have little or no relationship with these men (by the choice of the men and I use THAT term loosely) and we feel guilty for that. WHY?! Why should I feel guilty because Cherish's S.D. decides that he wants nothing to do with her? My logic? I picked him. I was with him. I got pregnant by him and it is therefore, my fault she got such a lousy dad. Makes sense? No! Not when I think about it logically or when I hear someone else say the same thing about themselves! So why do I believe it for myself? I can't explain it, can't even begin to explain actually.

I vowed the day I left my ex that I would never, ever allow anyone to make me feel that way again, ever. So far, I have held true to that for the most part. I have good days and bad days but, for the most part, I will not allow anyone to make me feel worthless and unloved again. I went though a terrible phase where I pushed away everyone I loved because I was building up a wall so no one could hurt me. I made them hate me or hate what I had become. I drank a lot so I could be numb and not have to feel the way people affected me and, I hurt people before they could hurt me. I feel terrible about that; I didn't like that part of me at all but it seemed to be my only defense back then.

To my sisters, I say this, we are loveable and people are lucky to love us and to be loved by us. We are special; God don't make no junk, as the kids' song says. Anyone who treats us poorly does not deserve to treat us at all. I am so sorry that we went through what we did but I am so glad that it made us stronger people. Never give up on the healing. You are not a worthless person; nothing that happened to you is your fault. Those people are responsible for their own actions; don't allow them to continue hurting you. You are worth so much more than that. I LOVE YOU!!!

Patience

I have a funny little story about Hallie when she & I were out on Thursday. We were standing in a check out line that was a little longer than she figured it should be and she started shifting from one foot to the other, looking around and starting to get antsy. She asked me why they couldn't hurry up and I told her that it was busy and they were all doing the best she could. I said, "You just need to be patient."
"Mom," she said, "I am just a little kid. I don't know how to be patient yet."
"Hallie, because you just said that I know you ARE old enough to be patient."
She then stopped complaining about it.

Perhaps you will see the humor in it, especially if you know Hallie and how she can be. To others it may be a "you had to be there" story. I think it was pretty humorous.

We have a hurt kneeckle

Yes, that is what I said. We have a hurt kneeckle. Hallie & I were in the mall this afternoon because we had to go to Zellers. I promised her Strawberry Shortcake panties if she got the less expensive umbrella a while back (you know how memories are on children...like elephants). Anyway, WalMart didn't have any. I know; I gasped too.

Back to my story. As we walked Hallie's foot did a weird little turn and she started to whimper a bit. I asked her what was wrong and saw her limping. "Mommy, I hurt my kneeckle."

"Your what?!"
"My kneeckle."
"What's a kneeckle?"
"You know, that fing above my foot?"
"OH! You hurt your ankle?"
"Yeah, mom."
"Wanna piggy back ride?"
"Oh yes, please. Fanks momma."

I thought I knew a lot about anatomy but apparently we have a kneeckle. Who knew?

Happy Birthday, Rush!!!! (and a little vent too...)

Okay so I know this will show up with the wrong date, unless I can manipulate the date thing at the bottome. I will have to check that out later but...

Today (Aug 3) is Rush's 12th birthday!!!! Hooray!!! I can't believe she is 12 years old. It blows my friggin' mind to think that that much time has past. Do you realize that next year she becomes...da da dah...a teenager...? AAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK.

Anyway, our festivities today included absolutely nothing because I had to work from 11:45 until 10:15 tonight. I did have a slight break in between but not enough to do anything for her. Bummer. We are going to have her b'day supper on Sunday because everyone in the family (including our newest houseguest, more on that later) has that day off. Wow, 10 people living in this house right now and we all have the same day off. Weird.

Ok, so on to my vent and I don't like doing this often but, every once in a while you really need to blow your top about certain things or, I think, they will tear you apart.

As I said, today is Cherish's birthday and her sperm donor, oh, father didn't phone, send a card... nothing. He acts like she doesn't even exist. His mom didn't either and I can bet you with 100% confidence that if she were to call here tomorrow she would tell Cherish how much they miss her and how they are always thinking about her and how special she is to them. She just isn't, apparently, special enough for a gift, a card or even a phone call. Cherish has received nothing from these people (not one single family member), and I mean cards, letters, phone calls, gifts, in over 2 years now. I can count on one hand how many times she has heard from her dad in 7 years. Is that not pathetic?

I can be away from the kids for 1 week...and I have had to phone them at least 7 times and I have driven Bill absolutly insane with talking about them. I miss them to pieces so, I really don't understand this being able to live without her for 7 years. These people know nothing about her. They don't know she plays trumpet (and is pretty good at it); they don't know she is still in dance classes. They don't know she wants to learn to play the piano. They don't know that she won top spot in her age category for Youth citizen of our city this year or that she can't wait until today so that she is old enough to volunteer in the neighborhood old folks home. They know nothing about her. The last time they sent her anything, it was 4 sizes too small. They still think of her as a little 5 year old. It's so infuriating!!!

I would really like to, first, slap them all and then ask them what to heck they are thinking. On the plus side, these people are not good influences at all and, as her mom, I am glad she doesn't have to be around them. I just don't understand them not wanting to be around her. She is a super good kid. Also, the protective part of me comes out and wants to slap the crap out of these people for hurting her the way they do. I mean it doesn't affect her everyday but big days have been, in the past, huge. Birthdays, father's day, Christmas were all traumatic for this young girl. Oh, now I need to call her a young lady...sorry.

Anyway, that's it for now because I don't want to think anymore about her deadbeat S.D. (no, not super dad...S.D would be sperm donor.)

Motherhood II

Okay, who here thinks moms have no use for creativity? Who hear thinks our creativity is being zapped from our very core? Mothers unite!!! I have learned how to have a little bit of fun when you are at your wit's end trying to get your children to help out around the house.

We have been trying to get everyone to help out with laundry as it piles up so very quickly in this house and every house. I have reached the end of yelling, stompinng and was about to use crying, whining and throwing myself to the ground while pounding my hands and feet... It just didn't seem dignified so...I had an idea. What if I bombarded them with a bunch of notes and reminders and just had a little bit of fun with it so I didn't stress myself out. Do you know why I am up this late? I am doing laundry because I think my children may be allergic to it. The symptoms they get when the mere word is mentioned are incredible, frightening even.

So, on my fridge door I have a note that reads
"Okay People
We have 2 choices.
1. We start doing the frigging laundry-especially Hallie's pee stuff-so the cat doesn't decide to pee on it anymore.
(Get and keep that laundry room clean and the cat litter fresh & dry)
OR
2. We shoot the cat and make a nice supper.
Seriously, people, this is very serious."

I have one on the upstairs bathroom door that reads
"It's me again. Please help out. Mom is about to lose her mind!!! How can you help? Thanx for asking. Go downstairs and assess the laundry situation..."

I have one at the top of the stairs that reads
"Mom has lost her mind. Please help her find it. Last seen in the middle of the laundry room. Possible location: under the huge pile of laundry."

There is one on the inside of the back door
"Have you done any laundry lately? Could you do even a small load?
Please help save the wildlife, namely Jewel and Mom. You need not send $-simply do some laundry."

There is one on the playroom TV
"If you have time to watch this TV, you have time to fold some clothes. Perhaps start a load of laundry. Can you match socks? Hallie and Aren have 300 pairs each. Do you know how many are in their drawers? NONE!!! When yu leave this room take some folded laundry with you and put it away."

There is one on the laundry room door
"Sorry for the inconvenience but...
This washer and dryer ARE in order.
Thanx management

and there is one on the downstairs bathroom mirror that I can't recall what I wrote, something along the lines of all the rest. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't but I'm going to try humor instead of yelling. I'll let you know if it works. Maybe I'm onto something and I will replace Dr. Spock in parenting book sales...you never know.

Here Little Fishy...

All right, so one of our baby fish is big enough to enter the realm of the big fish. If a fish can look happy, it did, swimming around gleefully, checking out rocks and plants, logs and, well, other fish. The two runty fish that are left in the nursery got a little excited when he/she left but seemed to settle down after a few seconds...

I talk about these fish like they have a personality and it seems like they do. I think they are special, perhaps it is because I have helped them along since they were born. Maybe it's just because I am a sucker for pets and such. I don't know. What I do know is this, they are pretty darn cute and I love to watch them.

Is There Any Point?

So, it is now 4 AM. Is there any point to try going back to bed? I still haven't fallen asleep. As I lay in bed waiting to succumb to sweet sleep, I heard a muffled cry. This cry made me doubt I was hearing one; I listened and I waited but I just wasn't sure. I thought I heard Aren crying but...

I got up and listened by his door; I heard nothing but still had a nagging feeling so I opened the door. In my tired state I saw a figure, a very short figure and wondered, for a minute, if it was his teddybear or something. I even had to supress a scream for a moment because I really wasn't expecting to see anything sitting up in the middle of his floor.

Yes, Aren fell out of bed...again. He has done this the majority of the week, poor little guy. Most nights he falls out and proceeds to roll under his bed. This results in him whacking his head really hard when he attempts to get up. Poor little guy.

I haven't seen much of Aren (or the other kids) this week so took this moment as an opportunity. We snuggled, read stories and he showed me Bob the builder, winnie the pooh, his horse and that he knew my name (he pointed at my chest and said "mom"; he then pointed at his own chest and said "meh" or "weh"-it was hard to decipher-but it was him whether it was Aren or me he was attempting to say.

Anyway, he is now snuggled into his bed, tucked into his blanket and wearing a fresh, dry diaper, has a cool sippy cup of milk and is probably sleeping and dreaming of digging in dirt by now. I, on the other hand, am wondering if there is any point in going to bed anymore. After all, I will cough and hack and keep myself awake until morning when, the cough will ease up a bit and I can get at least a few hours sleep and miss seeing and playing with my kids. Ah, I'll give it a try and pray I fall asleep so I can enjoy my one day off this week with my kids. (When does that vacation start...?)

Motherhood

There are 3 girls at work who are expecting babies, young girls. None of them are married; one is planning to be in September and this was sort of an oops in the meantime, I guess but, I digress. It just got me to thinking about motherhood and all the joys, sorrows and inconveniences that come with it. I have been a teenage mom; it wasn't all fun and games like most young girls think but they will find out for themselves how much work and stress a child adds to your life.

I started out this blog making a list of things I will enjoy about my life when my kids are gone and the list just didn't seem that long or important really. I will share with you what I got as far as a list but trust me, while 2 of them(# 2 and #1) I will love, I think there will be a bittersweetness to it (I will think back to the times when one of the kids ran into the bathroom just to tell me they were hungry or wanted a toy or a bath, you now those life or death things that can't wait for two minutes while I have a pee and I think I will miss it. Right now I crave that privacy but I think I will miss it.) Some might say a simple solution to this would be lock the door; ah, yes, easy enough but then you get the knocking on the door to be let in and the knocking is so hard that you can see the door push in...that would be from the baby and the screaming at you from the other side because voices don't carry through wood, right? LOL. So, anyway, here is my little list.

3. Not stepping on blocks or matchbox cars that have been left in the middle of the floor when I come home from work.
2. Getting dressed without having every child in the house come barging in.
1. Going to the bathroom by myself.

I think a better list is what I enjoy about being a mom.

1. I love hearing them call my name (although my heart breaks if they call it out of sadness or fear).
2. I love seeing them look up at me and smile with love & trust.
3. I love hearing them say "I love you".
4. I love seeing them accomplish things (whether it be a fist step, getting over a fear, finally figuring out long division or riding their bike by themselves).
5. I love watching them do something they have spent an entire year practicing for. I bawl everytime I see the kids in a dance recital, a Christmas concert, receiving an honor roll award at school. I feel such a sense of pride and an overwhelming sense of love at these moments.
6. I love watching them discover new things or something new about old things.
7. I love looking at them when they are sleeping and seeing how peaceful, happy and angelic they appear.
8. I love eating mini carrots, apples and peanut butter sandwiches for lunch because some 4 year old wanted to make her mom lunch and that is all she could make (plus I think she made me pickles with ranch dressing...shudder).
9. I love having them crawl up & curl up beside me to watch a movie or read a book or to go on an imagination vacation.
10. I love watching them grow up to see what kind of person they become, what kind of life they lead and what happens to meet them on their path. I also hate this one because it means letting go. I have gotten to experience this at a lot younger age than anyone I have met so far, as I had to endure the "let go" and "let be gone" when Billy left last year and I had just turned 30.
11. I love hearing them pray a heartfelt prayer to God, all the time but especially the very first time they do it.

Oh something else I love, is when my kids remind me that I am not as old as I think I am. Just recently Jenn had to remind me that I was turning 31 this summer not 32. For some reason I figured I all ready was, not like one year makes a heck of a differnce when discussing the age of 31 or 32. Still, makes ya feel good for a little while.

So this list was a lot easier to make and could be a lot longer but, I need some sleep as it is 2:30 in the morning. These are just the ones that popped into my head right now.

I love being a mom; I think it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It is different being a 'mom' to someone who is only 11 or even 13 years younger than me, at times feels a bit odd but I'm so glad I am. I don't think I would change that for anything either.

Great Expectations

Well, we bought a tent trailer and boy, oh boy are the kids excited. We are going down to Kansas City for a week starting Aug 16 and we'll be camping at a beautiful lake for the entire time. Little by little, we have been getting dishes, tarps, etc (all the camping needs) together.

The kids have been funny about the entire trailer deal. While it was still all folded down (being a tent trailer) Cherish wondered how in the world we were going to get in it and how we were all going to fit. Once set up, Hallie and Aren bounced from bed to bed with squeals of delight. At one point, Hallie even informed us that she was 'In heaven". I believe I told her she had a very low expectation of what Heaven will be like. Regardless, the kids are thrilled to have this home away from home and are so pumped to be able to go camping for a week. I hope it is everything they imagine and more.

I have to admit, I am looking forward to this trip a lot more than the others, not that I didn't look forward to them. It is just that it has been a long time...no, we have never taken a family trip like this before. In fact, we have never gone camping period. The last time Bill & I went camping Cherish was 5 years old and she didn't come with us. We are hoping to take the kids to the zoo and perhaps, if needed (most likely) stop somewhere along the way for a night...perhaps Mount Rushmore...

People's Perceptions

I am finding it quite amusing that someone who only knows me from work and who has only seen me with my kids on 2 occassions thinks my children are spoiled. Now I, by no means, am saying they are perfect but...

If being spoiled means they do their fair share of chores that they don't get paid for...then they are spoiled.

If being spoiled means that if they want the more expensive pair of jeans, that we don't have the money for so we get them to work the difference off...then they are spoiled.

If being spoiled means that they don't get hundreds of dollars spent on them at Christmas times, birthdays or for school clothes...then they are spoiled.

If being spoiled means that they have strict rules that they must follow or get disciplined in various manners (such as priveleges taken away, writing reports on what they have done wrong, groundings, working off time owed or money owed...)...then they are spoiled.

If being spoiled means they do not get away with talking back to myself or Bill or being rude to their brothers, sisters, teachers or friends...then they are spoiled.

If being spoiled means having good work ethic, a strong sense of community, a willingness and desire to volunteer and making honor roll grades...then they are spoiled.

If what I described above makes my kids spoiled...then I am glad to say that my kids ARE spoiled!!!

I guess it all depends on people's perceptions. I believe she thinks the kids are spoiled because I have looked hard for Strawberry Shortcake stuff for Hallie for school. Why? Because Hallie helps us out a lot and most times we can't afford to give our kids much of an allowance...sometimes none...so why can't we get them stuff that is a little extra special when it is stuff that they need. Yes, I got Hallie a SS backback but it was the same price as the backpacks with no characters on them...maybe $2 more. The number one thing for me to note on her perceptions is this, she has no children of her own and don't they that don't think they can so much better than they that do? I am wondering how confident she will be when she has her own children. I wonder if she will think back and still think my children are spoiled.

My boy's birthday

Aren having fun eating the brownie the girls decorated for him at BP's. He was so happy to have them sing just for him and he looked rather awestruck. As for supper, he had his typical bugs and cheese pasta. His birthday supper was a success. Bill &I were there of course;Billy & Jenn managed to be there insteadof work and Cherish and Hallie. We were missing Daniel and Kristina but we have Kristina's birthday in a few days. What to do after supper? We toyed with a few ideas: renting a movie seemed the most popular but on the way home I thought about us all going to the playground for awhile and that was a BIG hit...

We went on the slides, on the swings, on the merri-go-round, the monkey bars, in the mud, in the sand... Hallie was brave enough to climb to the very top of the tallest slide they had but not quite brave enough to slide down and needed rescued by Billy...good, brave, strong big brother to the rescue... We got the kids to pose for a picture that, when I envisioned it, seemed to be a wonderful picture. In reality, it didn't quite work out the way I wanted it but I managed to snap a quick photo so here that one is...

and then we tried...

We came home unwrapped presents, watched "The Bob the Builder" movie he picked out himself and then he played. The biggest hit for the night was the punching bag thing Cherish got him....Aren went to bed one happy little 2 year old. I love you buddy!!!

I won server bingo!!!

That's what I said, server bingo. Last night we had a little game at work where we had a bingo sheet of menu items and we were to bring our receipt showing we had sold said item and got that square initialled by a manager. There were 3 prizes: a free staff meal, a free schooner of beer and a 2 movie passes/ $10 gift letter combo. I got a line first and won a free staff meal; I then got the 4 corners and won, my family and friends will laugh, a schooner. Yes, a schooner...that's 32 oz of beer. I rarely drink; I may have one drink a year...maybe. When I do drink, it most certainly isn't beer. I hate the smell of beer; it takes me back to the times I was attacked (especially when it is on someone else's breath) and when I was a drinker, I couldn't drink beer anyway. Two beer, maybe 3 would do me in but I could drink hard alcohol like it was water. Should have drank the beer; I could have saved a lot of money.

So back to my bingo story, I asked my manager if I could substitute an "ordinary drink" in place of this schooner and she said 'yes'. I mean really, a $3 drink instead of a $5. So, some night, after work I may sit with some of my co-workers for a visit and have myself a caesar, my drink of the year, or go out for supper with my sis when she is in town running errands.

I worked hard but didn't quite make the black out in order to get the movie pass combo. I am kind of glad though. It gave someone else a prize. If we ever play server bingo again, though...watch out...no holds barred. (=P)

Wow, I just experienced something that I am finding to be so juvenile, the typical 'we don't think the same way, I'm going to stab you in the back my dear, dear friend' mentality. Thank you so very much for that and you know exactly who you are. However, that being said, it is done and that is that. I hold no ill-will toward said individual(s) and I never will. I have been taught to love people despite what they do to or against me. I am not saying that I am going to go out and hug the next terrorist I see and tell him/her I love him/her but I am saying that I have been taught to love the person for being a person. I can love them and not love or condone what they stand or don't stand for. I can also love them inspite of them stepping outside of the box or inspite of them being a puppet to some self-serving, humanistic belief. To carry on with a thought I had, it also doesn't mean that I am going to go out and invite above person/persons to my house for tea but, regardless of what these people say about/to me, I will continue to love them and pray for them and hold them dear to my heart. Having said that, I will end this blog with a bit of sadness as I think about what this person/people are putting an end to but, I will not let it hinder me nor will I allow it to hurt my walk and belief in God. To these said friends who are upset at me for what I did or did not do (depending on their perception) I say this, "Jesus died for you...don't expect me to do the same."

Happy Birthday, Baby and Daddy

Today my son turned 2 years old. What a glorious day we had. Phone calls from loved ones, a birthday supper with mom and dad and brothers & sisters (minus 2), birthday cake, birthday songs, a fun trip to the playground, picking out his own movie to rent (Bob the Builder), opening presents and a nice, quiet ending to a fun day...watching the movie.

It's so nice to spend time with the people who are important to you. I can't believe how fast the last two years have gone. The milestones we have reached together are so overwhelming.

So birthday, boy. Mommy loves you so very much. You make me so proud and fill my heart with such an abundance of love.

My dad had a birthday today too and, since I know he will want me to say he turned 35, I didn't get to talk to him as he is in Hudson Bay. I miss him and it just didn't feel right not being able to tell him I love him. So, I love you dad; happy birthday.

More Milestones Reached

Today marks a different direction in our lives as we have reached a couple of milestones. We are easing into the potty training of Aren. I will stress the word...easing... He is walking around with Spiderman pull-ups or whatever they are called from Pampers. That is fairly easy to handle because I know that it will be a while before he is ready to be completely potty trained. He has only peed in the potty once so far.

The one that I am finding the most difficult is Cherish. She had a real babysitting job yesterday, a paying, not for family, child she had never met before babysitting job. My little girl is really growing up...sniff. She did really well and is feeling like she can take on the world...or at least the world's children...So, to let all our friends know, if you are in need of a babysitter...I am sure Cherish would LOVE to watch your kids...

Happy Birthday!!!!!

Today is my sis' birthday!!! I know she isn't really fond of her birthday for more reasons than I really can comprehend; she misses her family and although I do understand missing family, I don't understand missing family to the degree she misses hers. It makes me sad for her and I want more than anything to know how to make this day so very special for her. She deserves to feel special on her birthday...everyday but especially on her birthday.

She just got back from a relaxing weekend at a spa and I'm sure that helped but the thing is, she had to work really hard to get there. I mean, granted, she could still enjoy it and all, I am sure but, that wasn't something just given to her. She worked very hard to save the money to go. I had really wanted to be able to help her out financially so she didn't have to save so much but it just didn't work out this time.

As for her birthday, I got her something she mentioned a really long time ago that she/they didn't have in their house and it would be kind of nice to have one but I also really want to get her something special just for her and I still really have no idea what that could be. I don't have enough for sound proofing for any of the rooms downstairs (although I know she would LOVE that). So something special for a women who self sacrifices daily for her wonderful family, who works hard making sure her house is clean and there are always cookies for her kids (and her niece who looks devestated if auntie has no cookies...yikes)...

..I don't know if I can think of anything that I feel is special enough for my sister on her birthday. Why? I have thought of so many things and they all seems so insignificant, not special enough for her. She is a very, very special person to me and I love her with all my heart.

So, on your special day, my dear sis, my prayer (and part of my gift for you) is peace, peace in your heart, a calmness in your spirit and a joy that knows no end. May you feel the love that we all have for you with extreme measure and not doubt that you are a wonderful person in our lives, well-deserving of every happiness. I love you!


P.S. The kids are shouting "Happy Birfday, AUNTIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Wow!

I sit at my computer an emotional wreck from a movie Bill & I just finished watching. "Million Dollar Baby" (Clint Eastwood, Hillary Swank, Morgan Freeman) is, barre none, the best movie I have seen in a really long time. I don't think I have the ability to verbalize the way this movie hit me. It just really impacted me as I sat and watched it. Both, Bill & I were completely surprised by how this movie ended figuring it for another happy ending Hollywood production but...Wow!

Apparently, Hillary Swank was trained by a guy in Saskatoon. Name? Number? Send this sucker my way because he did a phenomal job on Miss Hillary. She was one lean mean fighting machine. However someone else needs to foot the bill because I think he may be bringing in some serious coin after this movie.

Anyway, for me, this movie left me with one word on my lips...WOW! I would definitely recommend it to anyone.

Bad Night at Work

Bad! Terrible! Really, really bad! No, really, bad!

I got to work at 6 pm today, not the best time to start a shift, the middle of supper rush but that's when I start most Saturdays. I had a couple tables; nobody really left anything outstanding tip wise but still okay. I think I had 4 tables and then I was told I had a reservation of 20 people, a kids' baseball team. A server's worst nightmare; most of the time these kids make an enourmous mess, are loud, vulgar and you don't get tips.

We made seating arrangements for 20 people and slowly but surely 20 people turned into 45. Needless to say my section wasn't big enough to seat that many people so I had tables every where, parents here, kids there and chaos everywhere. Sheesh. The kids were loud, sucking back pop like it was going out of style and demanding refills as the last drop hit their lips. The parents were demanding, for example demanding to know what was taking so long to get their appetizers when they had just ordered them 4 minutes earlier and complaining that they couldn't all sit together yet, they kept thanking me for my services. Every family was paying separately and kids and parents were scattered all over the place so organizing this free for all was strenuous. I have to admit that these people drove me to the edge and nudged me to the bottom of the pit. For the first time EVER my co-workers heard me lose it and I heard a couple mention that as I was walking away, "Wow, I've never heard Ang say a mean thing about anyone before."

When all was said and done and everyone had their food, was full and had the correct bill, I got $17 dollars of tips on a $450-$500 dollar deal. I paid $22 into tip pool for kitchen staff and hosts/esses because of these people so...I paid to work today. If I would have had to pay for my supper tonight I would have owed the company money. The only reason I didn't have to pay for my supper was because the manager that was on felt so badly about the way these people treated me that he discounted my meal 100% instead of 50%. I went on my break as soon as they left so frustrated and so completely ready to cry. My stress level was way too high for me to feel like a could do a good job for anyone else.

I went on my break, sat down with my drink and prayed. I had to; there was no way I could function in that place I was that stressed out by these wonderful, wonderful people. I felt a peace wash over me and I thought "You know I can go back out there and be really happy about it. The people I serve next don't deserve my stress because of these people. God, just take this stress from me and help me to have a good night." Well, the rest of my night consisted of 1 more table, a bunch of teenagers...not great tippers teenagers so I couldn't expect to make up any lost money. I felt that same choking feeling when I did my cash out and realized how close I came to having to pay to be there tonight.

So, some days you win, some days you lose and oh, boy did I lose tonight. The host asked me, after this table left, how I could still have a smile on my face and sound so pleasant to these people as they were "screwing me over" (his words). "What can you do I?", I asked him. "It's not in my nature to treat people like that and it wouldn't do a darn thing to change it. There's no point."

So, do I have some big glorious ending to this? No. I would love to get on my soapbox and remind you all to tip your servers or they end up paying to serve you but, what's the point? I just had a bad day and I need to get it off my chest so I can go to sleep. It's 2 AM so everyone else in this house is sleeping so you, my blog reading friends, get to be the recipients of one frustrated, tired mama's grumbling. Thanks for listening and goodnight.

My Doll

Here is my dolly all tattered and torn.
Everyone loves her even though she is worn.
Her body is floppy and her hair is a mess,
But I love her dearly,
and she loves me best!


I can't take the credit for writing this poem of the one about Daddy from earlier; I found them on the internet but this picture is what the author was speaking about.

World, meet Yaya....

Big Shoes to Fill

I captured a picture of Aren and Bill that I thought was pretty darn cute and it brought to mind a poem I have seen.


Walk a Little Slower Daddy
"Walk a little slower, Daddy."
Said a little child so small.
"I'm following in your footsteps,
And I don't want to fall.
Sometimes your steps are very fast.
Sometimes they're hard to see;
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For you are leading me.
Someday when I'm all grown up.
Your're what I want to be;
Then I will have a little child,
Who'll want to follow me.
And I would want to lead just right,
And know that I was true;
So, walk a little slower, Daddy,
For I must follow you."

Here's the little picture that made me think of that....

Call Me Dr. Mom

Today I performed surgery! My patient was of a furry nature with long ears and a cute pink nose. She lost her arm a while ago and I have just gotten around to sewing the arm back on...the poor dear. The was no tissue damage and I think she should be all right...at least for a while. My patient is, of course, Hallie's dance bunny rabbit, the one I gave her at her dance recital. Both patient and "mommy" are feeling much better since the arm was put back on and they can continue dancing where they left off about a month ago. The two are inseparable now telling each other secrets, playing ring around the rosie, hugging, dancing...making up for lost time.

I Actually Have Tomorrow Off

Wow, I have a day off and I don't have a lot to do. I have plans to do something with Jaimie. We haven't been able to get together for a long time. It's been way too long. Things just haven't worked out. Hopefully tomorrow. What we'll do, who cares; I'm just glad we can be together. I was able to see her and Cory for a little while tonight as they came in for supper at BPs.

The kids & I will probably do more cleaning, playing in the pool and hiding downstairs where it is a tad cooler. I don't know if he didn't put it on the calendar or what but, it looks like Billy & I may actually be able to see each other for a little while. We haven't spent much time together since he got home to work for the summer. Jenn is off with her mom for a few days and I have a birthday boy to think about...two of them actually. Aren's and dad's birthdays are next Thursday.

Well, I'm off to get my tush to bed. Gotta be all rested up for running through the sprinkler with Hallie.

I Hang My Head in Literature Shame

Okay, so Dixie tagged me. Oi. Now comes the embarrassing part of how many books I do not own but, oh well, slowly but surely I am getting more. So let's get on with it.

Number of books I own:
Approximately 200...if I really wanted to impress people I could include children's books but I am pretty sure that would be cheating. LOL.

Last book I bought:
Simple Faith by Charles Swindol

Last book I read:
Bait of Satan by John Bevere

5 books that mean a lot to me:
Little Women (don't know the author) because I used to sit and read it at my grandma's house over and over again

He Chose the Nails by Max Lucado

The Tawny Scrawny Lion and The Pokey Little Puppy
I'll put those both as one since they are kids books but they were my absolute favorite when I was a baby and I still love reading them to my kids

The Chrysalids
I had to read it in high school and enjoyed it enough to read it on my own a few more times since...I dunno

I am going to be a bit of a cheese ball and say
The Bible
I find a lot of peace, knowledge and strength from The Bible so it definitely has to make an appearance in my list.


Wow, I don't know if I know anyone else to tag. I think you have all been tagged. So I will try and hopefully get enough.

1. Renee
2. Paula
3. Dizzy D (just leave it in my comments if you want)
4. Christy
5. can't think of another one right now (it's late)

So there, I have hung my head in literature shame. I am not an incredibly well read person any more. I used to read an awful lot but now, I feel I have failed the literary world immensely.

Glad the Neighbors Were Out

This morning I inflated and filled a little paddling pool for the kids to frolic in and they have been, even before the water had a chance to warm up at all. Yikes...brrrr. Aren was in there like a dirty shirt, jumping in, sliding into the pool and slipping so his face went under. It was all fun and exciting for him. Hallie had her bathing suit on (backwards, I might add so she looked like a cute wrestler in a pink wrestling uniform, complete with little boobies showing...yikes. Glad the neighbors were out). So she stopped right there in the middle of our yard to change. Glad the neighbors were out. She helped me fill the pool and by this I mean water in everything but the pool. She had fun. Then she decided she had to go pee; she dropped her bathing suit right then and there in the yard to pee. Glad the neighbors were out. At this point she decided she didn't really need the bathing suit on even so she took it off and streaked across the yard to play in the pool. I am SO glad the neighbors were out. I really wish I lived on a farm again. You don't need to worry about the neighbors...well...most of them.

Baby Update #2

We still have three baby fish and are they ever growing fast. I think they will be able to be put in with the big fish in the next 2-3 weeks. We have one pink tetra that is pretty big and I am nervous about he/she/it eating these babies Hallie & I (oh and Jenn while we were gone) have looked after so well. These babies are actually big enough that you can see them swimming around their nursery from across the living room. They really add to Jewel's frustration of trying to catch fish from the tank. Not only are they in the tank that she can't get to but they are a little too high up for her to even try batting at. Poor kitty. Any way, I'm off to bed (yes! I get the bed tonight!!! woo woo woo woo!) I just thought a little update on the fish was due and I just finished feeding the little guys their third meal.....

A Little Update

Just to let you all know that lying horizontally on our new couch is not good for your body. Everything aches today...every body part that can, does. In hindsight, I shoud have flipped out the footrest and reclined in it and probably had a better... had a sleep.

Hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go so I shall stop complaining about my trivial crap and pains and go about my day. At least I only work until 10. Yay!

Kicked Out...

...Yes, I said "kicked out". I was roused from bed not that long ago to a sad, hot little boy who wanted a sippy of milk and a cooler blanket. His cooler blanket was in our room so we went to get it. Somewhere in the fog of 2 year old awake at 1 AM and "let's go to mommy's room to get a cooler blanket" he got "Here have my space. Sleep with your dad in my room with my fans and I will go sleep on the couch. No, really. I insist." So, here I sit, at my computer, bedless and bound to slumber on our couch. My driftings in and out of consciousness at the computer will, I think, add to the authenticity of what I am feeling to mothers everywhere. Mothers we must unite!!! Just kidding. Perhaps...

I thought the husbands were supposed to sleep on the couch. I saw it on TV as a kid...Family Ties, Married With Children...The men get the couch! This is an outrage...(lol). I think I should be calling a lawyer. Is that in the wedding vows? Love, honor and sleep on the couch for her...? Should it be? Should we petition to get it...jkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkhkkkkk... sorry, fell asleep for a minute... reworded.

For those of you reading who know me, you know that this is the truth laced with humor because...I gotta be me. Everyone else turned down the job (Ziggy). For those of you who don't know me...please don't misread my humor.

Report Cards

Wow, the girls got their report cards while we were gone and so, looking at them now that we are back...wow. they both did spectacular. I am very proud of them both. Jenn got Honors with Distinction again this semester.

Cherish gets letter marks so it is a bit more difficult to figure out an average except that it looks like an A- or an A.

Language Arts A-
Math B-
Science A-
Socail Studies A-
Music 1 (which has a comment of excelling in the chart)
Art A
Phys Ed B+
Band A+

I can't believe she will be in grade 7 this year...sniff. I also can't believe the grade 12 thing for Jenn. Isn't one child out of high school and talking marriage enough for one family? Just kidding. Hallie all ready has a class list and her teacher's name and school supply list and she has her eye on a, you guessed it, Strawberry Shortcake backpack...da da dah. Did that come as a surprise to anyone?

Vacation Jag

So as nice as it is to be back from vacation and seeing my family and friends, it feels odd to be here. It feels odd to not be waking up in a king size bed and to sluff my way to the patio so I can look out at the picturesque lake and watch the bumble bees bumbling around the flowers or the humming birds zipping to and fro, more fro than to. It feels odd to not be able to just call up our freinds from there and go to the coffee shop for my smoothie or for Bill's Carmel Machiato (spelling?) with an extra shot....(WARNING: Bill on that much caffeine is frightening!!!)

It feels odd to be driving with the windows open and smell the absolutely devine smell of a JackStack BBQ restaurant. Can someone say "heaven sent"? That was seriously some of the best bbq I've had in my life and raspberry tea (iced tea...the way they make it in the States...delicious). It also feels odd to be driving through the city and only see city. In Kansas City you can be in suburb central even pass a Super Walmart and Super Target and the next thing you know you are in the middle of somebody's horses or Texas long horn cattle and then, Bang!, back in suburb central withing 5 minutes. Cool or what?!

One of the coolest things I saw on this trip were fire flies or lightning bugs or whatever you want to call them but they were really cool.

For now, I have nothing else to say. It is good to be back with my kids but this vacation jag... what a drag...

We're Back!!!

We're back and had a wonderful time. the apartment that the church has was incredible to say the least. It was nice to see our friends again but it is also nice to be back to see our kids, family & friends here.

The rain was terrible on our way down and we almost died at on point. We lost control of the van in 3 different places because of water on the road but the last place was where we almost cashed it in. The water was laked across the road and on our way back, in the daylight, we saw how much water was in the ditch/field where it happened. The water was so high that the farmer's corn field was buried and his shed(which housed his swather) was buried in water half way up. If Bill, through God's grace, hadn't gotten control of the van we surely would have drowned.

Aren has changed in the last week and seeing the kids made me cry and realize how much I really missed them.

This is short and sweet for now as I have to get ready for work and call my sis 'cuz I missed her lots too. I thought of her and her "situation" often and need to phone to see how she is doing.